Avoiding Wedding Drama

little_ga_peach · 2015-07-09T04:12:29+00:00

Be polite and cordial. That's it. You don't have to go overboard to be friendly.

Edit: typos

CocoaMotive · 2015-07-09T06:34:15+00:00

Stick to your SO like glue. In these situations I've found that if someone is going to have a go at me or start any kind of drama, they'll wait until I'm alone, the never dare do it in front of my husband.

jocrue · 2015-07-09T04:32:48+00:00

My only advice would be to be politely disinterested rather than giving the cold shoulder. Walking away from someone or blatantly avoiding them just invites more drama. You don't have to be best friends, but for the sake of your sanity (and out of respect for the bride and groom) treat them like hardly-known acquaintances rather than enemies.

Also, good point with the comment about the respect of your SO's privacy. Mine is also very private, and I've indulged more information about him than I should have on social media (nothing too terrible or humiliating/disparaging or anything, just stuff he would rather not be shared). Now when I'm making a post, taking a photo of him, or whatever else.. I just quickly ask him if it's alright. A simple, effective solution :)

TempestTcup · 2015-07-09T11:47:19+00:00

Be aware that since Liz is aware of your past involvement with RPW, she might be here now reading this. Knowing the wedding is coming up, and anticipating that you and your SO will be there, she might be hanging out here to see if you post about this. Edit accordingly (if needed) :)

whitebunny87 · 2015-07-09T15:05:08+00:00

this is the wedding day of your friend, keep that in mind and think about how she wants her day to play out. she's invited both of you and "Liz", you're all grown ups, i can't believe this needs to be an issue.

I plan on letting our mutual friends know that we will be avoiding Liz & Dave so that hopefully they understand and won't think we're being rude to them if we have to walk away from a conversation.

this is just begging for drama. you're not in high school any more. smile, be polite, and remember it's your friend and her husbands wedding day.

your husband's mad at her and that's fine, but i think you're all capable of getting along and being cordial for one day.

TempestTcup · 2015-07-09T11:33:13+00:00

Both of you need to stay away from alcohol during the wedding reception since it tends to escalate emotions. You need to be calm, cool and collected throughout the event in case either Liz or Dave gets nasty and causes a scene. Stick like glue to your SOs side the entire time.

I would suggest taking the time to get in touch with the friends you do want to see and meet with them in a different setting without Liz and Dave. Take advantage of the fact that many of your friends will all be together in the same city, and plan a get-together in a more relaxed atmosphere.

ladieaupair · 2015-07-09T14:16:54+00:00

This is a really awkward and drama-filled situation to be involved with, that's for sure - I would just echo what has already been said; stay close to your SO, be polite, and just try to avoid them in general.

I would imagine that the bride has at least some inkling of what went down in the past and won't seat you near Liz and Dave, right? If not (and I don't know what kind of bride she is or how receptive she'd be to this) perhaps it would be worth it to delicately mention that it would be for the best if you weren't near them? I know you don't want to add more drama and stress to her big day, but this could potentially help.

Do you have any "allies" that will be there, i.e. a friend or another couple that is on the same page as you and your SO and knows the history? If so, maybe try to stick with them.

Good luck with this whole situation - honestly, the stress involved with this would lead me personally to write a very heartfelt letter to the bride and groom letting them know I wouldn't be able to make it to their wedding and send a very generous gift.

bicepsblastingstud · 2015-07-09T17:24:08+00:00

if we have to walk away from a conversation.

For god's sake, it's not like she ran over your dog. You and your SO can handle being polite in conversation.

RPDame · 2015-07-09T19:05:54+00:00

(mine is very RP while hers is BP where she wears the pants).

Sounds like she thought that she wore the pants in your friendship, too.

In my opinion, something more was going on here. She could not like your SO very much, but that alone wouldn't make her take it to those lengths. Is she competitive with you? Did she view you as only a tool in her life, so that when you went and got a boyfriend you weren't available to her as much and so she resented him and you? Did she have eyes on your SO and is mad he chose you? Is she just a snotty person who thinks that if others are happy it diminishes her happiness/attention? It could even be that she went into Wedding Pretty Pretty Princess mode, and needed to psychologically diminish your unmarried relationship as not as valid as hers, because they were getting married and she needed to believe that's what bestows value on a woman. That would go along with her BP view that marriage and husbands are trophies to be put on a shelf rather than things that should be nurtured.

I've had a very good friend suddenly stop talking to me ten years ago and I still don't know why. Her boyfriend at the time broke up with her, and while I was supporting her, I said that maybe he just wasn't the right guy for her. Then they got back together, and she stopped talking to me. It was like she associated me with the breakup and therefore excluding me from her life made her more comfortable. But, again, I have absolutely no idea why she stopped talking to me, even though I calmly asked her to please let me know what I'd done. People are strange creatures sometimes.

In the end, I just decided that she just wasn't a very good friend if she could do what she did. We still have mutual friends, though I haven't had to be in the same room as her. I don't know what I'd do if I did.

He wants nothing to do with them, does not want to talk to them, to have to fake politeness, start any drama or even any reconciliations (though I doubt that is likely, I have recently noticed that Liz has not just unfriended me on Facebook but actively blocked me). I will follow his lead on this, though I feel it may be easier said than done.

I think he's got a good plan. My concern would be that you're at a social gathering with certain codes of conduct and ice cold ignoring and active avoiding might not meet those requirements.

You might want to discuss this with him with the angle of "What if ignoring them causes a scene and puts unwanted attention on us? What if it's easier to say hello and then get away quickly?" What if you agree to not approach them, and if they approach you, you say a quick "hello" then relocate as quickly as possible? You can be clear that you're mostly worried about etiquette for the couple getting married and avoiding any scenes, you're not at all worried about preserving Liz and Dave's feelings.

Once he's decided, do what he suggests. I think it's a great idea that you tell your friends in advance (confidentially!) that you plan on not approaching Liz and Dan and avoiding them as much as possible in order to keep the focus on the bride and groom.

And discuss a plan with your SO about what you should do if either of you are cornered in the restrooms by Liz or Dan. If they want to cause drama, they may try to divide and conquer. So have a plan in place.

Overall, be classy, graceful, and full of joy. Show that you're still in love after all of these years. Happiness is the best revenge!

PhantomDream09 · 2015-07-09T20:03:55+00:00

Be there for your dear friend, and focus on celebrating this happy occasion. If the other couple has any tact, I'm sure they will be focused on avoiding drama as well. You don't have to do anything other than enjoy seeing your friends, avoid drinking too much, and be polite.

On another note, your story serves as an important reminder to everyone here: be careful about the details you share online. Everyone should have a RP-specific account, and another simply for regular reddit use. Be cautious, and stay safe.

Title	Avoiding Wedding Drama
Author	vintagegirlgame
Upvotes	2
Comments	22
Date	July 9, 2015 1:45 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3cmio1/avoiding_wedding_drama/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/avoiding-wedding-drama.166355 https://theredarchive.com/post/166355

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