Been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I really hate the fakt that I have started to think about other men

PittyParra · 2016-04-19T20:57:51+00:00

OK so you dump your bf to start a relationship with another guy.

But that guy isn't what you thought it would be and he pumps and dumps you. Now your alone and your ex bf wants nothing to do with you. So you jump on the next guy then the next guy. And none of them amount to you ex. Vicious cycle all because you thought the grass was greener.

News flash. This thought will happen to you over and over again.

All i can say is you are both young so either cut him off now and don't delay, or move forward with this relationship.

Your age and experience is the only reason why I'm not ripping you apart.

lackadaisicalily · 2016-04-19T01:54:48+00:00

Probably because its a long distance relationship.

Reddened · 2016-04-19T00:34:05+00:00

Hypergamy is a drive that needs to be overcome, but that's assuming that your partner is someone that is meeting your needs as the other two commenters have mentioned. That doesn't mean find some small excuse as to why you deserve someone better (we can justify anything in our minds), but give some serious consideration to the big stuff and whether he's meeting your needs.

Is he fun to spend time with? Does he dress well, exercise, and take care of personal grooming? Good in bed? Has ambition and is invested in himself as well as you? Takes the lead and makes good decisions?

Only you can know if he is a high quality catch; you'll have to think about what's important to you.

Simpsondimsum · 2016-04-18T21:24:53+00:00

It's a natural tendency to look at other men and think 'I could do better'. But if it's only happened in the last year, it sounds like something has changed. Can you pinpoint any changes that have occurred?

DebatePony · 2016-04-18T23:03:36+00:00

Is your boyfriend not fulfilling your needs/wants?

If this is something you want to fight against the only thing I can suggest is that you push all thoughts about other men out of your head. And if those thoughts still intrude, compare them to your boyfriend and take note of how you prefer your bf. "Oh this guy is is handsome! However my bf has that best eyes." Etc

Whatever you decide to do, choose carefully and be honest about your intentions and desires.

ThorsdaySaturnday · 2016-04-24T03:46:16+00:00

You have to ask yourself, can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with your boyfriend? You should already know after dating for 5 years. Are you completely satisfied with him? If not, it's time to break up with him if you want to be fair to both him and yourself. Otherwise, after you get married, it will get worse. You'll feel depressed and sad that he wasn't everything you wanted and by then it will be too late. But if you are completely happy with him and you know he is the one for you, then you can ignore the other men.

It's okay to have crushes on other people even when you're in a completely happy relationship. Just don't act on it unless you want to get out of your current one.

maya_elena · 2016-04-19T02:08:04+00:00

There's a great movie I would recommend watching - it's a Woody Allen movie called "Vicky Cristina Barcelona", and it puts your dilemma into good perspective. Anybody else seen it?

liftinginthemoment · 2016-04-19T17:58:28+00:00

To really answer your question I feel like we need more information...

You were in a LDR until recently- of your five years together how many these were distance? How recently did the LDR situation end? Did you start looking at other guys whilst you were still distance? And is this continuing now that you are no longer doing a distance relationship?

How's the sex life? Obviously it would be difficult long distance but how is it now? Is there any part of your relationship which you wish you could change or that bothers you? There might be issues/problems which may not have been obvious long distance but which may be more obvious now.

aanarchist · 2016-04-20T11:16:58+00:00

hypergamy or not you're a young woman in her sexual prime. your body is designed to be attracted to men, you can't just shut it down, and if you try you're gonna get sick like you are now. it comes down to being able to control yourself as well as appreciate what's happening in your body as well as your current relationship. men find women attractive whether or not they're in a relationship, same for women. you're going to find guys that if you weren't already with someone, would definitely want to get to know him, that's a fact of life. when you start to think what if, you turn an entertaining idea in your head (a stranger you've never met) into an issue in the real world. when you entertain ideas like that you're going to start resenting your boyfriend because he's a wall between you and the "possibility" of a new relationship with another man. which leads to the question of, if new possibilities with other men sound so great, why are you with this guy? I understand the appeal of the excitement of new possibilities and novelty, and if that's all it is then recognize it, appreciate it for what it is, just a biological response in the body, and let it go. that's all it is, just an idea, you don't have to let it own or control you. i believe that's a fancy way of saying control your hypergamy, without trying to induce guilt :)

rather than try to guilt yourself or rationalize this or that, just let it go and appreciate your man. you do that by being a better woman for him rather than making yourself sick with stray ideas that pop up into your head. also appreciate that you did it right the first time.

2016-04-22T18:50:06+00:00

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FortuneGear09 · 2016-04-23T09:16:39+00:00

So many things happening. You've been together for a long time and maybe you have grown yourself and not just with your man.

There is always what if. But I warn against leaving a great, solid, thing for something that is a very rough maybe. If your needs aren't getting met you should talk to your SO.

You're right. It isn't fair to your bf but neither you or I are blind to good looking men and their attention. You owe it to him to try and figure out how to better your relationship or I think you should break up so you can both move on.

Title	Been with my boyfriend for 5 years and I really hate the fakt that I have started to think about other men
Author	hatethatiamwandering
Upvotes	5
Comments	16
Date	April 18, 2016 3:06 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4fc9r3/been_with_my_boyfriend_for_5_years_and_i_really/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/been-with-my-boyfriend-for-5-years-and-i-really.86126 https://theredarchive.com/post/86126

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