Can someone explain something to me?

little_red_ · 2014-02-01T05:22:09+00:00

People abide by a dress code for work yet resent their partners when they voice a preference. I like my man with a bit of the 5'oclock shadow and a weeks worth of hair growth - of course he's drop dead sexy either way, this is just my preference, which he's aware of and will tend to let his hair grow a bit more now than he used to before shaving again.

If he told me i'd be sexy with a green anti-hawk we would probably have to find something other that we both found appealing but I find it ridiculous that this becomes an issue SO often. Almost every woman I've met that argues they shouldn't have to change for a man is the same woman who criticizes her mans appearance (wow you are not going to wear black slacks and brown shoes/those socks are dorky on you/why are you growing a beard/i wish you would shave your chest/back/etc...)

I always value my mans opinion in how I look. Women do this when they are single and go to the clubs, they get ready with the mindset of how to best attract a man. They don't wear fuck me pumps and miniskirts because they are comfortable.

MrsStrom · 2014-02-01T05:57:25+00:00

You are 100% right. Don't worry about other people

PsychoticMouse · 2014-02-01T05:58:52+00:00

You're fine with straight, brown hair? Husband likes it? I see no issue. Perhaps the other ladies want you to shave off your hair and point your teeth as well? Because, you know, personality is the only thing that should matter. While you're at it be sure to wear this season's potato sack!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to please your husband. :) He's happy, you're happy, everyone wins.

2014-02-01T06:33:27+00:00

Oh my god I just found that hair related thread in your comment history and the comments of everyone else are disgusting. Excuse my french, but what the fuck?

They were FREAKING OUT that he DARE say he likes her hair straight. Like on what planet is a man not even allowed to voice his opinion?! They were saying stuff like "since he said it, even though he apologized when you brought it up, hes still manipulating you and you are passive and weak if you ever straighten your hair around him. He is manipulating your behavior to get what he wants." That is so militant I cant even comprehend it. I seriously doubt the poor man was trying to control this girls life. He just wanted to see her hair straight for gods sake! Because he likes girls with straight hair! Is he supposed to be punished for having preferences at all?! Shouldnt she want to appear attractive to him or does she not give a shit if hes happy??

Now I know what I stopped going on r/relationships... its all BS.

Anyway, yes, you can make your hair look nice for your husband. If it makes him happy, and makes you happy for him to look at you like youre 11/10, its a good thing. Like of ALL the people on the planet, id say your husband should have the most sway, since hes the one you actually want to make happy. Women are fine giving each other hair tips, but the second a man says it, its oppression..

Aerobus · 2014-02-01T07:18:26+00:00

Don't go to /r/relationships.

You're man stated a preference of his. You have the option of pleasing him by listening to his request and of not pleasing him by ignoring his request. You chose to please him, which is the better thing to do as it improves the relationship overall. I assume that it's not even that big of a sacrifice on your part, so it's really a win-win for both of you--he gets what he wants, you know that he's attracted to you more --> more stable relationship --> less likely to cheat + all that jazz.

but other people are saying it's manipulative/controlling or plainly abusive.

other people are bluepill

Am I wrong to want to be aesthetically pleasing to my husband?

No. You are a good a wife. If I ever choose to get married I sincerely hope I can find someone like you who would just listen to a few simple requests of mine, similar to your husband liking your hair a certain way.

BruceIsTheBatman · 2014-02-01T08:34:54+00:00

The only reason you should care is if changing your appearance will make you feel less beautiful, thus making you feel more insecure, then I'd say it's not worth it.

meowfacenator · 2014-02-01T06:10:07+00:00

Its the same as women not wanting their SO to grow a beard if they don't like it or to cut long hair. Perfectly reasonable if you ask me

TempestTcup · 2014-02-01T06:15:33+00:00

Hey, do whatever makes your husband hot for you! He's the only person in the entire world allowed to act on his attraction to you so be attractive to him!

gabilromariz · 2014-02-01T10:59:53+00:00

These people don't know the difference. It would be abusive and plain mean/unconsiderate if you didn't want brown hair and he forced you to dye it.

It doesn't seem like he is restricting or forcing you in any way which leads me to think you like your new look too. Right there the argument falls flat. Better yet, I bet no one would raise an eyebrow for a girl voicing her preferences when it comes to her man's look. It's kind of sad when you think about it because it's the same people that are usually tooting the horn of equality

DogInTheBath · 2014-02-01T13:23:46+00:00

You are absolutely not wrong to want to please him.

I'm a male so obvious answer here. But from a fair perspective it goes both ways. I grow my beard sometimes because I know she likes it.

She curls her hair because she knows I love it. Why wouldn't we do things that please our partners? What would be the point. I love to please her and vice versa.

I think those who think it's manipulative or abusive need some therapy. Or maybe they have their own issues with their partner not willing to please them in the same way and so they want you to feel just as bad about changing small things about your appearance.

Your friends sound like jealous feminists.

phasetwenty · 2014-02-01T06:26:22+00:00

http://youtu.be/pc3TYIIpOZM?t=1m53s

How can it be bullshit to state a preference?

Offensive_Brute · 2014-02-01T14:52:39+00:00

if you wantto, andyou feel good about it then seriously, fuck everyone else. Hes not obligating you right? You are making the choice of your own free will correct? Then there is no coercion, manipulation or abuse. They always say that feminism is about options and choice, but they turn on you in a minute if you choose not to live your life in a state of perpetual gender warfare where doing things for your mate without a direct benefit for yourself is considered submission rather than love and dedication.

Italianweddingcake · 2014-02-01T16:30:07+00:00

You should keep doing things to maintain his attraction. So, yeah....wear your hair the way he likes it.

DelphineSerafine · 2014-02-01T16:30:25+00:00

Listen to your husband; he's the one you married, the one you're with for the long haul. Frankly, as regards aesthetics, there are only two opinions that matter: yours and his. And given that you want to ensure that you remain attractive to him, for the long-term, why would you not do what he finds attractive?

My husband prefers my hair long, dark and curly, and he prefers me to wear dresses and skirts with a pair of heels instead of jeans/slacks. So, I don't cut my hair, use products to enhance its natural curl, and wear dresses and skirts, and heels.

If it makes the one person in the world that you have voluntarily given a lifelong commitment to, the person for whom you have "forsaken all others", happier, why would you not do it?

2014-02-01T19:40:48+00:00

By all means, you are FAR from wrong for wanting to be aesthetically pleasing to your husband. By doing that, you're showing him you really care about his thoughts and opinions, which is absolutely the right thing to do.

It isn't controlling or abusive. Is he forcing you to do it? No. You did it of your own free will.

LifterofThings · 2014-02-01T19:59:35+00:00

Am I wrong to want to be aesthetically pleasing to my husband?

No. Who are these "other people" are to you? Why do their (misinformed) opinions matter? Do what you want, do what your husband wants-- work at pleasing the people who add something besides negativity and bs to your life :)

PhantomDream09 · 2014-02-01T22:15:36+00:00

I want to look good, and their are only two people that have a say in what that means: my SO, and myself. I want to look good for him and feel good about myself. He constantly encourages and gives some really great advice as well. I dye my hair as well, and he likes the color I use. We both agree that it just looks better than my natural hair color. If you're happy and feel good, then just ignore the harpy chorus, they're never content and simply want you to bicker in harmony with them. :0)

enapes7 · 2014-02-01T16:20:30+00:00

Shoot there was an article about this same scenario that was posted here about 2 weeks ago. It was an older woman who actively tried to please her new boyfriend by switching from slacks to dresses and growing her hair out simply because he thought it made her tons more attractive. He also complimented her and boosted her confidence as she begun the change.

Her friends also went ape-shit and told her she was betraying all women, even though her happiness had gone thru the roof with the new changes.

2014-02-02T07:59:51+00:00

No offense, but you come across as a weak-willed person here who worries too much about what other people think. If you act like that others will look for an excuse to criticize and attack you, like bullies picking on the short kid at recess, so take any criticism you get with a grain of salt.

As for whether he is abusive, probably not, it depends on the way he expresses his preference.

You should focus less on pleasing others, and more on pleasing your husband. Holding random people's opinion on the same level as your husband's is disloyal.

Title	Can someone explain something to me?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	16
Comments	28
Date	February 1, 2014 4:47 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1wpfqd/can_someone_explain_something_to_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/can-someone-explain-something-to-me.165135 https://theredarchive.com/post/165135

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