Co-worker with girlfriend

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-05-13T17:35:04+00:00

Sounds like you're well aware of the pitfalls of opening conversation about his current relationship problems and the poor foundation of a relationship formed as a branch swing or rebound, which is good. The issue is how to get this work relationship on a good professional footing moving forward.

I talked to my colleague about this because she has a good way of dealing with admirers and orbiters-with-girlfriends who try to put their foot into this door with her. (Life of a woman in a customer-facing position.)

She invokes their better nature, gently shutting down the conversation with, "It wouldn't be very noble of you to confide in another woman about your girlfriend problems." This is all the hint a good man needs to steer away from appropriateness-creep. The men who don't have a better nature try to blunder forward anyhow, then they can be shut down much more directly and without remorse.

You want to set a good precedent with him, and initially give him an opportunity to save face by self-correcting his course. This can be done without empty virtue-signalling or a sanctimonious attitude.

SuperSlavisWife · 2016-05-14T05:35:21+00:00

Some men look for "work wives" to confide in when away from home. If not you, he will find another woman to confide in. But at the end of the day, that sort of drama is not worth the minute prospect of a rebound relationship working. It isn't your responsibility to keep them together, but neither is it wise to take advantage of a weak situation. Keep conversation professional, turn down help when you don't need it and move on.

maya_elena · 2016-05-13T20:55:02+00:00

So I agree that he might be manipulating you. He might not be 100% TRP (as detachedbymarriage suggested), but even still, I'd be wary.

Now, how to dampen those feelings you have for him?

I've found that a good technique for nipping unwanted incipient crushes in the bud is to turn up all of the negative thinking that turns women into bad girlfriends and wives.

Turn on the most judgmental aspect of your personality. Contemplate his looks and find fault in his dress, hygiene, and physical appearance. Drudge up every complaint of Domesticated Woman against Domesticated Man: is he a bit of a flake? Is he ever crass and insensitive? Does he comport himself in a way unbecoming of "an officer and a gentleman"? Or, worst of worst, does he really like video games? If you want to use vocabulary from Red Pill, is he a bit of a "beta bitch"?

Your assessments don't have to be balanced - they just need to be enough for you to take the guy off his pedestal, enabling your behavior to right itself naturally, until you DGAF (to use a another phrase from the literature) what he's confiding or what he's surmising.

Of course, all of the above are exactly the (usually exaggerated and only partially justified) criticisms disaffected girlfriends levy at SOs they no longer like. But you have no reason to exercise patience, temper your negativity, or be generous for just some guy won't deal with his own relationship problems like a man.

spamandoreos · 2016-05-14T11:02:33+00:00

Every time this has happened to me it was because he was looking to cheat on his gf with me, not leave his gf. I wouldn't give him a second thought.

detachedbymarriage · 2016-05-13T18:19:25+00:00

(Not even sure I'm allowed to post here..from the men's RP group.)

Anyway...

He knows you like him. It's manipulation 101. Chances are, him and his g/f have very few issues. But he is blowing them up either for you or (most likely) in his own head to create a reason to pull on your feelings.

meh613 · 2016-05-14T07:47:45+00:00

We guys tend to whinge about our significant others very often. It isn't helped by our (seeming) inability to read women's body language.

The recognition of this may put you at ease when this sort of thing occurs.

Mackowatosc · 2016-05-19T13:15:28+00:00

Protip: never mix relationships and work. Keep it professional.

IsleView · 2016-05-13T17:36:43+00:00

Stay out of it. You have an ulterior agenda and no real knowledge of his partner. A long-term partner, his childhood sweetheart. Your post reads as a hamstering away of manipulating him for your benefit. Edit: took out the last sentence as it was a bit much. I understand that you are asking about how to handle it, but based on your examples he has tried to put distance between you two

after he offered to help me out with it just after we met. But pretty soon after he mentioned that he has a girlfriend, and they just moved in together

Also on another occasion... he was talking about how it's incredibly difficult to tell the difference between friendship love ("philia") and how to distinguish a long term partner from just a friend

and it isn't working. So avoid him rather than just trying to hide your feelings, which may not be as hidden as you think. His comments about philia read as though they could have been an empathetic, nonconfrontational attempt to clarify the situation between you two.

M_riane · 2016-05-15T10:32:28+00:00

I don't know. When I met my boyfriend, he was in a relationship. He eventually broke up with her to start dating me (he never cheated, by the way, and I didn't seduce him or anything). It's not impossible that he really likes you and is thinking about what to do with his feelings. On the other hand, my bf never talked badly about his then-gf, and hasn't done so ever since. It doesn't seem very manly and I agree that when guys do that, it's usually because they want to sleep with you.

Title	Co-worker with girlfriend
Author	blindedbythebrights
Upvotes	8
Comments	20
Date	May 13, 2016 4:08 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4j7175/coworker_with_girlfriend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/co-worker-with-girlfriend.86174 https://theredarchive.com/post/86174

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