Compromising on cohabitation

RedPillWonder · 2017-06-01T02:00:28+00:00

I wanted to wait until marriage) but with the stipulation that the wedding happens within a year of the proposal.

Once you move in, he gets everything he wants and would have in a marriage, minus the legality of the relationship marriage confers.

If anything, it can easily lead to him delaying marriage even longer because he basically has 'marriage' in all but name only.

I am already uncomfortable with the compromise I am going to do when it comes time for engagement

Then don't do it.

Let him know you love him, are committed to him and willing to work to make this relationship/marriage the best it can be. But you're not going to move in with him.

Ask for his understanding and to please reflect upon your point of view, even if his views end up remaining the same. Ask him what you can do (outside of giving in) to help make this a reality, where you wait until marriage to live together.

Be the absolutely most amazing woman you can be so that he knows what's at stake in losing you if he draws a line in the sand and insists on moving in or ending the relationship. You don't need to tell him this, show him.

Don't dismiss his arguments and thoughts on this. It's obviously important to him. But if he knows what a great girl he has, how committed you are to him and the relationship, and if he sees that you're working to alleviate any concerns he has about not living together before marriage, it can go a long way in influencing his opinion.

All the best!

Rivkariver · 2017-06-01T18:23:45+00:00

Also, people didn't cohabit before marriage for many generations before us, and great marriages still happened. In fact, in the US our divorce rate is higher than ever in spite of all the cohabiting and "test drives."

crownoffeathers · 2017-06-01T00:59:52+00:00

Have you asked him how long an engagement he envisions? If he says something like 2-3 years, then it might be better to decline moving in. You don't want your resentment to sour the relationship.

RubyWooToo · 2017-06-01T15:00:33+00:00

I think it's OK to compromise on moving in after you've gotten engaged and set a date for the wedding that's within 1 year. That's what my husband and I did and it worked fine.

If he balks at the idea, don't try to convince him, just stick to original position of staying in your own place until your married.

Rivkariver · 2017-06-01T18:18:08+00:00

Don't move in...why do you have to do it? Why should he get all the benefits without the contract? Marriage is partly a business transaction, like it or not.

Many studies indicate that women think cohabiting is a step forward, but men use it to put on the brakes and be lazy. They don't mean to do that, but you gave up your leverage for marriage. Cohabiting couples have higher divorce rates later.

In general, to avoid being a nag/shrew, state your boundaries plainly, once, with authority, then trust and assume he will do them.

akanachan · 2017-05-31T23:47:22+00:00

I'm not sure handle foot dragging or abuse of my flexibility

In general, if you need to apply pressure to a guy to propose/marry you, it's not a good idea to proceed with marriage/cohabitation.

Cohabitation is especially a bad idea in this case, and I would not do it, if I were you.

Title	Compromising on cohabitation
Author	azngirl7689
Upvotes	8
Comments	56
Date	May 31, 2017 10:50 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6eimrk/compromising_on_cohabitation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/compromising-on-cohabitation.72906 https://theredarchive.com/post/72906

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