Dating Younger Men

Jenneapolis · 2024-07-05T21:37:47+00:00

The two major factors that work against a younger man, older woman dynamic is: 1. Fertility and, 2. Family acceptance. There are absolutely younger guys who will have serious relationships with older women but this requires your vetting to be on difficult mode as there’s more potential mismatches to vet through for those that yes are just looking for the cougar fantasy.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2024-07-05T23:17:41+00:00

My husband is 8 years younger than I am. We've been married for 8 years and have 4 children. When we met he was in his mid 20s and I was in my early 30s. It is said that age is just a number and I think that's true - to a certain degree.

With a younger man there are experiences that you've had that he will not have had. If nothing else you remember the history that happened before he was born or before his first memories. Because of the age gap different viewpoints are going to be more likely and vetting is going to be particularly important. As for fertility issues, a younger man may have a higher sperm count which is a (theoretical) advantage over older men.

I know that my husband is more capable than my ex-husband who's 10 years older than my husband. Home repair and other practical skills almost seem second nature to him. I can't tell you how many thousands of dollars we've probably saved because of this. He's also able to lead our relationship and he's a fantastic father to our children. He's a thoughtful, kind and affectionate man, but he won't tolerate any BS whatsoever. My husband is also able to make enough money for me to be an SAHM.

As for acceptance, this can be an issue. His mother didn't really like me at first. I'm older, I was divorced, and not Catholic (I'm Eastern Orthodox). On top of that, I had the audacity to get pregnant before we married (it was an accident). We're good friends now and that's all water under the bridge. I've made it very clear that I love her son, and my husband has made it clear to her that I'm here to stay.

Where we live I've met a lot of couples where the woman is older than the man - it's not that uncommon. As in any relationship, if you're both determined to make it work and put in the work, then it's very likely going to work.

serene_brutality · 2024-07-05T23:37:43+00:00

I say be open to it but don’t specifically look for it. There’s a lot of confusion in the power dynamics, the logical fallacy of age mattering complicates things.

The conventional or traditional dating dynamics of the man being the leader is pretty ingrained in most of us, as is age=wisdom and maturity.

It can create some unforeseen conflicts. I’ve seen situations where the older woman is looking to the younger man for leadership but won’t accept it because she’s older and wiser, or the man relinquishes control to the woman on account of her being more seasoned. It takes a little more awareness and thoughtfulness to make work than a lot of people realize.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2024-07-06T00:12:30+00:00

From what I can tell, you're asking why your friends are cautioning you about looking for men who meet the following requirements:

Church going
In his early 30s
No sex before marriage
Looking for a women in her early 40s for a long-term relationship
Is comfortable with the risk of not having children

As a man looking at this list, I can tell you that you're more likely to experience frustration & heart ache with this combination than you are to experience success. There is a risk that, because of your ASD, you will struggle to tell when a man is lieing about #s 3, 4, and 5. As a man in his early-mid 30s, the vast majority of single men my age are either trying to find a wife to have children with, playing the field, or a little of both. I'm sure there are some guys out there that meet your criteria, it's more an issue of the chances of you finding him and you both hitting it off. There are just going to be way more guys out there that will try tp sleep with you but won't commit to marriage.

xyzain69 · 2024-07-06T05:50:14+00:00

Edit: I would also suggest that you carefully read other comments in this thread, some of them give great and honest advice. You will know because it won't be things that you expected.

I'm a guy and I have a friend (early 20s, now 30) who got a kid by a woman who was in her late 30s, maybe early 40s. She also had a kid from before they met. Why there is a stigma, I don't know, they are adults. This was at the end of university and they're still in a relationship.

Some observations:

It affected our friendship even though I was happy for him. I suppose I didn't say it loudly and often enough. People are/were against it, so expect that. Expect open and blatant comments about age differences and both of your fertility (whether you want kids or not). Some people will say it with the intention to hurt your relationship, and some won't understand that it could hurt your relationship. This will be on top of normal relationship problems.

There is nothing you can do about this.. You can't prevent it.. the best is to just accept that it will happen. Some people close to you will eventually accept it if they don't immediately, be patient. Some will never. If both of you want it enough, it can work. GL.

pieorstrudel5 · 2024-07-05T21:51:06+00:00

I am 39. Not Autistic. So I can't speak to that. Also not really religious.

I was in a decade long relationship with a man my own age. I walked away from that relationship last fall. Dating again for a little over six months. Oddly, I have found that I have had more success dating younger men. 28-34. I did not seek it. It has just sort of happened. Part of that is cause I don't have kids and have aged very well. I am fit, great skin, good hair, good nails. They just assume I am their age. But they also seem to really like that I am older once I reveal it.

I am clear with all of them that I am not sure I could give them children. And I don't really want to do IVF (I think it damages relationships if it doesn't go well) - but I did date a 34 year old man in January who told me he would happily do IVF if we married. Sadly, he had some red flags and I ended it after a month. So you don't have to get into why you don't want want to do IVF - you can just say that is not something you are interested. If they push you.... You can request to table it until you have had a few more dates. The man has every right to want a woman willing to try IVF if he wants children to that badly. So be prepared for that to be a deal breaker. I tend to date people like me - where children would be great, but I would be happy without them too.

It's true, some of these young guys are playing. But many men my age exiting toxic marriages are also just playing.

I vet for traits..... The age doesn't really matter to me. If it doesn't bother them, it doesn't bother me. Because I am 39. I also don't mind dating short men either. The only automatic no for me are men who have sedentary lives and/or are overweight. The rest is case by case.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-07-06T05:05:31+00:00

Why is it considered so wrong for a woman in her 40s to date a man in his early 30s?

LOL. Try being an older man who dates younger women. You’re just a cougar; trust me, I get called much worse.

What is the absolute issue with this. All my friends lecture me about "they have a cougar fantasy and want sex".

You have to have a thick skin. People feel like you, or at least me, are unfairly “getting over.” Like somehow, it’s “cheating” and it’s “no fair.” Never mind at the women I date are 100% volunteers.

Notice in your case that it’s not you with the problem. It is the younger man who want to date you. that’s part of the modern “approved narrative.”

In your case, just tell your friends that these are the men who ask you out, or that you feel you are compatible with. And other than that, it’s not their business. You’re going to get push back because it is how it is. You were always free to not discuss it. You are dating asymmetrically. Welcome to my world.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-05T21:17:30+00:00

Title: Dating Younger Men

Author SquirrelofLIL

Full text: Folks, is it a good idea for me to date younger men as a socially immature, autistic 42F. I do not like geeky guys and prefer that he would lead social skills wise as a sensitive new age guy.

If I'm dating online, sight unseen talking to me with only my BioData out there, guys approaching me are in their 50s. But when I just go out and day game the guys are like 31-34.

I meet a lot worse guys these days like some of them have a serious fatal flaw. One of them came out about having Hep C and I was disgusted unfortunately. It made me only want to date other plasma donors honestly.

One non religious guy I talked to lectured me about being pro life and taking the church position on IVF at my age because he wants "healthy kids". I was immediately turned off by the eugenics of it because I wasn't a "healthy kid" since I'm also a special Ed alumni.

I've tried to meet guys in religious groups and there's no one my age. I'm also experimenting with different types of churches and the church and breviary I use don't always match with one another.

Why is it considered so wrong for a woman in her 40s to date a man in his early 30s? What is the absolute issue with this. All my friends lecture me about "they have a cougar fantasy and want sex". But I'm not open to premarital sex.

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Desperate-Habit-187 · 2025-04-29T02:49:29+00:00

I know this is a late comment. I myself am 40 and was talking with someone who was 32. I decided to give it a try. He was nice but the pressure to be intimate with him was too much and he crossed my boundaries quite soon and displayed behavior I that was a red flag so I ended communication. I suggest giving some people a chance but keep your boundaries. If the topic of sex is the most prominent, you'll have your answer. Dating is difficult but you won't know if someone is a good match until you try. I hope you find someone who makes you happy.

Title	Dating Younger Men
Author	SquirrelofLIL
Upvotes	2
Comments	22
Date	July 5, 2024 9:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dw8qvd/dating_younger_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-younger-men.1523381 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523381

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