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slappysq · 2022-01-13T18:04:38+00:00

Dude and sole income earner here ($700k+) with stay at home wife; I work in a high earning area and see how this works here with women out earning men. The answer seems to be outsource the shit out of everything so you can be the feminine center, and don't reject your femininity, learn to use it and be ultra-feminine.

My female SrDir direct manager ($2M++) outearned her husband by a lot but they had a great relationship at home.

The way I saw her do it is she outsourced her feminine qualities and contributions to the home instead of rejecting them or pushing them on her husband.

Instead of personally decorating the house and making it a home, she hired an interior decorator and guided them. Instead of cooking all the meals, she had a kitchen helper or chef come in for 5 dinners a week and she guided them on what to be cooking (I looked into it; it's cheaper than you'd think). All this allowed her to be 100% present with her kids when she was at home.

Additionally, she dressed ultra feminine at work as opposed to boss-bitch. Like flowery floorlength summer dresses and flowy scarves picked by a personal stylist she engaged once a season.

With her husband I saw her completely step away from certain areas in order to not emasculate him; he had his own physical space and was responsible for the long term investments. I only saw this once but I knew it happened more often: I saw her say basically "Husband, I cannot make this decision. Please make this decision for us."

It helped that she was the complete opposite polarity of her husband; he was a super masculine hairy bearded Republican weightlifter guy the size of a fridge who went hunting and grunted a lot. I saw him carry his giggling SrDir wife over his shoulder out of the company Christmas party a few years ago. :)

I don't think it would have worked out near as well if he was some skinny androgynous short dude.

Jenneapolis · 2022-01-13T18:10:57+00:00

I have seen that not all red pill men (or men in general) want a stay at home type that we see discussed here a lot. Yes some do, but others definitely do not and would prefer more of a power couple dynamic. I am a high earner and I firmly believe you can be feminine, submissive, and also have a career. I think lots of men will find this exciting to have intelligent discussions with you as long as you don’t try to constantly show them up or put them down. But if you want to have kids while on medical school, you’re going to need help in the form of a nanny and housekeeper or family who will do a lot of heavy lifting. I was a nanny in my undergraduate years for doctors and there is no way they could have done it without help.

Environmental_Ad5867 · 2022-01-13T18:54:37+00:00

31F doctor here. Sorry for the long post.

First of all, congrats for getting accepted into medical school! It’s so competitive to get into medicine so well done and you should be so proud of yourself for making it through the first stage.

Next- I think that one can say education doesn’t matter when attracting a man until it does. While no man is going to look at your medical degree and think, “Damn that’s sexy!”, the right HVM would look at you as a whole package including the qualities that allowed you to pursue your goals and ambitions and say, “yes, she’s sexy.” Medicine teaches you hard work, resilience, grit. You also learn patience, communication and problem solving skills. Most importantly, you gain so much empathy because you see all the multifaceted layers of society from work. I genuinely think these are wonderful qualities to bring into a relationship as a partner.

I’m not saying you’d need to do medicine or have an education to build those qualities but for me, it helped me work on these through my experiences.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to do. I can’t even begin to say my feelings working as a doctor in this current climate but I don’t regret choosing this because it’s made me the person I am today.

A caveat to that is to you should still retain your feminine qualities alongside this. You’re not Dr XYZ at home and in the relationship, you’re his partner. You should always treat your partner with love and respect and leave that ego at the door when you get home.

Asian women being well educated and still expected to maintain your home, family, self is difficult (I’m Asian myself) but as someone else commented, you learn to outsource a lot of ‘home duties’ based on that income you’re earning. It helps to have a cleaner come in to keep the house tidy so you can enjoy that extra time with your kids and husband. It’s fantastic that your parents have offered to keep an eye on the kids while you’re working on your career. We often rely on familial support to cover blind spots so lean on that.

Lastly, please don’t feel like you need to ‘settle’ with a lower earning man because of your education. I’m sure you’ve heard that doctors tend to marry other doctors. That’s because you’re already put in circles with similarly ambitious men, so it’s easy to meet them. You tend to bond over similar struggles and build it from there. Take that opportunity to meet your own HVM from there.

With family, I’ve made the conscious decision in picking a speciality that’s got better work life balance because it’s important to me. My partner doesn’t mind either that I’m choosing to work part time so I can pursue other interests outside of medicine and be there for our future family. You can consider that too.

Edit: Also, you can have a family + kids before 30. You just need to carefully plan and prepare for that including being aware of resources and help available to you- in your case your parents. Plenty of doctor friends I know have kids before 30. It’s not easy no but it’s been done by so many women before so not impossible. Medical schools/hospitals nowadays do make adjustments for mothers because women do make up approx 50% of the workforce.

TLDR: from a female doctor, it can be done balancing career and family but you need to be very smart with planning and astute to your available resources to help you achieve it. Education while in itself doesn’t add to your SMV also doesn’t take away from femininity but can be a tool to your RMV to a HVM looking for a LTR.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-01-13T18:15:13+00:00

I’m a healthcare worker currently in nursing school. I don’t know if my viewpoint will be as helpful since I’ve decided to put my career on the backburner.

What I mean is this: I currently work ~24 hours/month (PRN) in addition to going to school. When I’m not in school I work part-time at most. This allows me to be a part-time housewife. Even after getting my LPN, I will most likely work part-time.

I think my philosophy regarding the redpill differs from what is commonly seen. My goal is to do what makes my husband happy.

But wait a minute…making your husband happy is redpill, isn’t it?

Of course! But here’s a question: what if what makes your husband happy doesn’t fit within typical redpill teachings?

For example, my husband prefers it if I don’t wear makeup. My husband has also asked me to start calling him out if I see him cheating on his diet or smoking too much (bad habits he struggles to quit on his own). Nagging wife who doesn’t wear makeup? That’s one of the stereotypes that’s typically seen as anti-redpill.

So that leads me to the question: do I do what my husband wants, or do I strive to be the perfect redpill woman as described by other people online?

The answer, for me, is: I do what my husband wants. To me that is the core of redpill ideology. I do what makes my husband happy because he is the leader.

So one of my questions would be: would you be willing to be the breadwinner and have your husband stay home (assuming he’s willing)?

I say this because being a doctor and managing your home is going to be damn-near impossible. A nurse works 3x 12-hour shifts a week. That’s manageable. But doctors? Doctors’ hours are insane and often unpredictable. There will be times when you can’t come home for 48 hours. Who cleans those days? Who cooks on those nights? What happens when a patient has an emergency and you have to go in at 3am?

Of course, this relationship wouldn’t fit into the typical man-breadwinner/woman-homemaker dynamic. Maybe some people wouldn’t even call it redpilled. But, again, to me a happy husband is the goal and a man who manages the home can still be a leader.

You’ll be making more than enough money to support an entire family. No matter what, your man is going to have to do some of the housework, even if he isn’t SAH.

Alternatively, with your income, you could probably afford a nanny/housekeeper. But that’s not ideal for the kids. It’s best if they’re raised by family.

But I just don’t think you’re going to be able to run a home and your career at the same time without killing yourself. Even if you somehow manage to do all the cooking, cleaning, and working, are you going to be in the mental state to be carefree and feminine and fun for your husband?

TheEndTrend · 2022-01-14T00:56:07+00:00

it's stupid to want a man who will be supportive of me AND make more money than me

As a RP guy, I actually do not agree. My fiancé is a currently a career woman and makes pretty decent money...and I support and believe in her 100%. FWIW, I make about 2x what she does. As of right now, I don't financially support her at all and this is actually how I prefer it...again, for now. I like that she can support herself financially and I find that very attractive. Also, yes, she's extremely intelligent and we can talk for hours. Once we are married and start having children I will, of course, 100% financially support her and our family.

TL;DR - I think it's perfectly reasonable to look for a man that earns more than you and also supports your career goals, BUT understand that when the time comes, he will (probably) want you to prioritize motherhood over your career < this is the part a lot of modern women can't get past.

Pycnostyle · 2022-01-14T02:23:13+00:00

You've gotten a lot of good advice and I'm also a guy so I'm not going to write much, but I just wanted to point out that you can practice medicine with femininity. I'm reminded of an urgent care doctor who treated a minor issue a few years ago. She treated me with remarkable compassion and kindness. Something to keep in mind.

oliveshoot · 2022-01-14T13:45:40+00:00

We all have a finite amount of years and the physical energy to focus on our highest priorities. You have a few decades of high-intensity energy to dedicate to something. You are intelligent, so you understand that everything has a cost. You also understand when emergencies happen. When you have children, you will love them at least as much as your ambitions. They will have unshaped potential that you are the most primed to shape as their parent and mother.

My advice to you is that you get that medical degree as fast as you can, fully understanding that the mental and emotional reasons for wanting that degree will most likely change once you have a child you will want to help flourish in their own lives. So be ready to completely change your priorities and mind. Not saying you will do that, as every woman needs an outlet and place for mental challenge, purpose, and fun. Your job will have to be providing these things for you—it’ll have to be like your most indulgent hobby, basically—because you simply won’t have time or mental and emotional resources to devote to all of these big priorities. You can really, at the end of the day, mentally concentrate well on one thing at a time.

So go for it. But be open to the fact that you might really want to ditch your plans for the fun of shaping another human at the height of their untapped potential. And that isn’t a bad thing. It’s practically a very wise thing to put your resources toward what will end up with the greatest dividends.

If your job in medicine can be as rewarding as your favorite hobby for you to forsake all other hobbies, then do it. And it will need to be this rewarding for decades for it to be worth it. Because you won’t have time for hobbies or the margin for yourself. It’s your time that you get to choose to do with. And what you build with the height of your energetic years will be what you look back on when you’re in your fifties, seventies, and nineties—when you have slowly waning energy. But your time is finite. So is your attention. And your attention is important to being able to enjoy the choices you prioritize.

Best of luck to you. I love big ambitions, and yet a person cannot serve two masters. One will win out in the end.

kikikimara · 2022-01-13T18:05:48+00:00

Somehow we manage. Waking up early, cheer yourself with meeting some friends, work on yourself, keep your head up, keep your house clean and tidy.

During your studying experience you will meet great friends. You shouldn't think that studying will make you less valuable. That would be not attractive, if you would be sitting around without purpose and wait for HVM to come. What would you do in life, if you would not accept the studying?

PippeliPaavo · 2022-01-13T18:07:22+00:00

Yeah. No way around it. You have to choose. Can't have it all.

High hours. No time to be a wife or a mother.

High stress. Less focus to put into a relationship.

High salary. Makes it more difficult to find a man who out earns you. And on top of that it makes you less attractive in relation to a lower earning woman because it makes whatever the man is earning less significant along with diminishing his provider role.

It's not that education itself makes a woman more unattractive but just makes her unattractive in relation to a woman who puts her time elsewhere. All men would choose to earn enough for a SAHM but necessity dictates dual income households.

It's not like you can't have a career and a family but that is basically destroying all of your personal time for the next 10 years. Or other option is you sacrifice elsewhere meaning you spend less time with your kids. Which obviously is bad for the kids. But if your parents are actually there to daycare the kids that is a lot of leeway you have that many don't.

For my aunt the answer was help from the husbands mother, paid au pair who did laundry and cooked and so on. Simply not enough time to run the house and run a clothing store. Was definitely always busy. It's not really a 9-5 as an entrepreneur. But again it probably was a necessity for their house and the mortgage. So it's not as if everyone can choose whatever option. Small percentage of men make enough for a single income household.

Title	[deleted by user]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	35
Comments	26
Date	January 13, 2022 5:41 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/redpillwomen/comments/s34z7f/deleted-by-user/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/deleted-by-user.1601357 https://theredarchive.com/post/1601357

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