Do you let men help you?

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-09-18T08:03:52+00:00

I would not give so much thought to the implications of a short exchange with a stranger. Accept help graciously if you need it, decline politely if you don't. Be aware that for some men offering help and it being accepted can be signs of interest, so use your common sense and read the situation. When in doubt, I err on the side of caution, and no, I don't let strangers help me when I don't really need it.

The point is not that you have to be all soft and feminine and "not emasculating" with strangers. Being witty and smart is not a bad thing. Doing things on your own is not a bad thing. "Not letting men assist you" when they are strangers and you don't need it is not a bad thing.

There are things you do for the man you are (or hope to be) in a relationship with. It is not a good idea to just do them for all men just because they're men.

RedPillDad · 2024-09-18T13:30:25+00:00

To some degree, men are viewed as predators until proven otherwise. That's why some modern women would choose meeting a bear in the woods over a random man.

What flashes through your mind when a man offers help? Is he dangerous? Is he hitting on me? Does he see me as weak and incapable?

A lot of men stop offering help after they experience a woman reacting negatively to it. Chivalry can be turned back against a man, shaming him as thirsty.

OP you did nothing wrong. You didn't react with hostility or contempt. If you already have a man, you honored him by respecting his boundaries. If you don't have a man, you are free to accept or reject the kindness of strangers. It would be a little strange if you always acted as if you were in a nightclub. That's where sexual intent is dialed up and you only wanted to interact with a man you're attracted to, while every other guy is given cold indifference.

My wife often has men offering to help her. She's feminine, approachable and dainty. She declines their help while thanking them for offering. She doesn't see it as sexual. I told her that most men are lonely and underappreciated, so a brief, pleasant interaction with a good woman can make their day.

Fantastic-Fudge888 · 2024-09-18T10:52:53+00:00

I never used to but after reading the Queens Code and taking an oath to stop emasculating men I do.

Given its public/ safe to do so.

It's perfect to practise your feminine energy to receive.

I love it and always let men do it. The masculine craves to be needed and feel of use.

Try it and see how you feel.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-09-18T11:52:01+00:00

It's not my job to stroke the egos of strange men. If I need help, I'll accept it. Otherwise, it's perfectly fine to politely decline. Were you not in a relationship, my answer would be "Is he cute?"

Consistent-Citron513 · 2024-09-18T06:26:38+00:00

If I don't really need the help, I will politely decline. I think what you said was funny and it shows that you were trying to be lighthearted. Seems like he just misread your intent.

jayval90 · 2024-09-18T16:48:51+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it, you responded fine. Offering to help someone is always a little weird in that way, and it's always (well, almost always) perfectly valid to turn it down. Being witty about it may have sent a few mixed signals his way if he was offering because he was interested in you, but honestly it's not a big deal.

My guess is he was worried you were going to make a big deal about it and get mad. I doubt you crushed his desire to help people out with that response.

Altruistic-Bake7011 · 2024-09-19T00:18:04+00:00

I think we're so set on whether we "need" the help or not. That's not the point.

The point is: Would you like some help? Would this help make your day a tiny bit easier, and do you want that?

I used to always say no and be very annoyed/offended. But after I listened to A.Armstrong audiobooks etc, I realised they actually want to help you. They genuinely want to make our lives easier, if only in a small way, when they get the chance.

They know you can do it yourself, but.... . ..you don't have to. That's the point. Sure I can lift heavy stuff myself, but surprisingly many men would gladly take that "burden" for me, so I don't have to. Even if they'll never see you again. That's kinda really incredible. And heavy stuff is so... well, heavy😵‍💫😄

And there's always plenty of struggle around in our lives, so no need to worry about running out if you give away some.

So I say: do what you feel like doing. If you're uncomfortable or just really feel like doing it yourself, politely decline and don't feel guilty no matter the reaction. Don't stress over exactly what you're saying, as long as it's not ridiculing or degrading.

I don't really agree that the relationship status has much to do with this. If someone is obviously checking you out, then of course. But if it would be nice to have someone doing you a small favor in public, go for it, and give a heartfelt thank you after.

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2024-09-19T13:54:01+00:00

I do! Almost all the time! 😅

I typically have an assortment of kids with me, and I am always wearing a wedding ring in public… so there is little risk of anyone thinking I am “available” or accepting help flirtatiously.

Even if I don’t “need” the help, and could do it myself, the help is nice and helps take the pressure off… and most of the men approaching me are my dad’s age. There isn’t any sexual connotation, and I’m not accepting the help to stoke anyone’s ego or make them feel “masculine”… I’m accepting help because it really is helpful in my case!

When I’m trying to give instructions to a 3rd grader, break up an argument between a 1st and 5th grader, and trying to load a case of water into the back of the minivan… it’s a super low-stakes “damsel in distress” moment that lots of men respond to in a way that is genuinely sweet and helpful.

A couple of them have also given good “community feedback” to my sons… “hey sport, come help your mother with this, it’s good for gentlemen to help the ladies with heavy things!” etc… which has been super impactful for them. Hearing it from someone other than mom and dad, and seeing it played out as an example in “real life” just reinforces the “nontoxic masculinity” that we are trying to teach them. 🥰

In response to your questions at the end: no, there is no pressure to accept help that you don’t want! If the help would make you uncomfortable/not actually be helpful, you are always free to politely decline. I live in the south, so men offering to help women load groceries on a busy Saturday afternoon is super common… but on a dark evening, if I was alone, in an area where that isn’t culturally common… it would probably make me very uncomfortable. Only accept help if it is genuinely helpful! You were not rude at all, and if this guy is put out by this interaction, he has some sensitivity/insecurity beyond you, and that is not your baggage to worry about.

Independent-Story883 · 2024-09-18T11:02:33+00:00

As a single woman, generally no. If he works there sure. No problem. Men are visual and incredibly receptive to niceties. I also must be on guard for my safety, If they want to ask me out on a date they should do so. Right then and there. Not follow me to the car, get an eyeful of my life and license tag while they “ help me” do something i can do myself. I do admit , I like a very masculine gentleman. I have dated someone i met at a grocery store.

I don’t think it is emasculating men to move your own groceries. I see that as setting a low bar. By getting your own items off a shelf, You are saying thats not what a man can do for you. What he can be is a provider and a protector. Handymen you can hire on Angies list.

For the male lurkers. I think a better grocery store approach is :

“I see you like Mexican from the taco shells in your basket, how about I give the night off from cooking and take you to viva Mexico, i can get a ressy for 8p”

“ I don’t like the idea of you walking to parking lot by yourself at night. How about I walk with you and make sure you’re car starts. Im warning you though, I really want to help you get the heaviest bags but if you got it, i can respect that as long as you let me know what you need help with”

If I decline a man who offers to take something off the shelf for me or if he asks wishy washy hesitantly for my number and sulks after I say no ( politely with an encouraging smile). I am willing to bet he was not the right man for me. He may be sweet, he may have money. We are not a longterm personality match. I enjoy long-term relationships.

AutoModerator · 2024-09-18T02:12:43+00:00

Title: Do you let men help you?

Author mariposaamor

Full text: So, almost every time I go run errands A man approaches me asking if I need assistance.

Last week I was having trouble reaching the pasta on the top shelf, but I managed to grab it. After man came over to ask if I needed help.

Today I had a huge cooler bag full of groceries that I lifted from the counter into my cart. The guy waiting in line was watching me and I made eye contact and I kinda laughed and shook my head like it was heavy. as I was checking out, I looked at him and said thank you for waiting so patiently for me. (I had a ton of stuff and he only had a water.)

To which he said, do you need help getting those groceries to your car? They look heavy.

I responded, you know thank you but I think I’ve got it. It only needs to go from the car into my backseat. then laughing and smiling I said, “and I did work out today.” While, flexing my bicep and grabbing it.

I thought I was being cheeky and funny. But he responded, oh, I did not mean to imply that I didn’t think you could do it.

I was kind of taken back so I regretfully didn’t really respond. I just kind of giggled. I think maybe shook my head because I did not think that’s at all what he implied. Looking back, I should’ve said “ oh, that’s not what I thought you implied at all. Thank you for asking to help me.” But I didn’t think that quickly and I was trying to finish checking out. I did say after a moment or two of silence, well it is really heavy! Hahah

I am trying hard not to continue to emasculate men. And I know letting them assist you in doing things is good. And if I really needed help. Or maybe wasn’t in a relationship I would have him help me. so my question is do you let male strangers help you with things when you don’t really need it or do you just politely decline?

Also was what I said wrong or bad ? I can see how it could’ve been misconstrued. But what do you say? I definitely have a sharp wit and some sass to me but trying to do better

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Responsible-Algae187 · 2024-10-03T12:00:41+00:00

I’m tall and frequently get asked to help by women in stores. Recently I noticed someone struggling to get something and asked if I could help. They accepted and that was that. Easy exchange and no awkwardness.

Clipzy22 · 2024-09-18T06:22:52+00:00

Unfortunately nowadays thats usually the implication, lol so that's how it's taken usually.

btime1000 · 2024-09-18T02:52:14+00:00

That was cheeky and funny and flirty .... Awsome! The dude wimped out on ya!

Love the flirty sass!

I would expect that the woman in my life not take assistance from other men unless absolutely neccessary. "But ehy?" You may ask ... cuz 1. dealing with stalkers are shitty 2. what betrer way to try pickup during the day and 3. dudes will try look for any crack in the door to get a number.

Title	Do you let men help you?
Author	mariposaamor
Upvotes	8
Comments	30
Date	September 18, 2024 2:12 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1fjhx7u/do_you_let_men_help_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-you-let-men-help-you.1530701 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530701

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