Guys like clingy behavior...?

MaybeGFY · 2017-03-30T18:34:43+00:00

We wanna feel like you need us, but we don't wanna feel like you can't operate without us.

And I would never tell a woman to check in on me more, that's just inviting disaster lol

vanBeethovenLudwig · 2017-03-30T17:30:56+00:00

How secure is your guy with himself?

Usually guys with confidence or high self-esteem will be the ones checking up on you, in my experience.

Landry86 · 2017-03-30T18:26:50+00:00

I have the same problem. I'm shy and busy and generally stay away from snapchat and messengers on my phone... I think men misinterpret my lack of communication as me being uninterested.

I often get a:

"hello?"

"is it something I said?"

I have spoken to men though who are on the same level though so it's not a lost cause. Keep doing you and eventually you'll find a guy who appreciates your independence over the IM/SnapChat whore...

:)

testmypatience · 2017-03-31T04:34:39+00:00

Guys don't want clingy, they want someone that they feel is actually their partner though. Not just some woman that sometimes the guy hangs out with and sometimes talks to like a sort of friend you only are sort of friends with because of busy schedules and such.

Guys want a woman to want them, not need them. Needing the guy is too far and means you are not independant.

A relationship is about adding two self sufficient people together to make an even better scenario together. Not two broken people trying to make each other whole like two wounded soldiers limping out of the battlefield together, each using the other as a useful leg.

Texting first doesn't mean you are needy. Something about all this seems strange anyhow.

cant_downvote_truth · 2017-03-30T19:43:42+00:00

When a girl doesn't reply for 2-3 hours, or even the next day, but when she's with boyfriend, she is CONSTANTLY on her phone, it CLEARLY the signal is that he's least important in her life. Bad

Alternatively if she messages him out of the blue 3x per day and is annoyed that he didn't reply immediately. Also Bad

Those are the two ends of the spectrum. Normal behavior falls between those two. I recommend replying often and as quick as is reasonable to demonstrate interest. Do not initiate often however, that is too clingy. If you don't hear from him in 2-3 days, send a simple text "Hey, hows it going?" or "hey, I was just thinking about you :)" or "Hope you have a good day at work! xoxo" -- these are super sweet, sincere and not clingy at all if done sparingly (max 2-3 per week). If done 2-3 times per day it's crazy stage 5 clinger.

If it takes you 3+ hours to reply, acknowledge it that you were busy with something specific "Hey sorry I was out doing ____. yes I'd love to go see a movie with you on Friday. :) "

If you ever decline a date, ALWAYS suggest another day. You can get away with a flat 'no' once or twice, but if you do it without suggesting an alternative guys will assume you're just not interested and find someone who is more available.

The advice guys are given with regards to texting is to simply use it for logistics without getting emotion into it. The opposite is true for women (to a point). Show a small amount of emotion when he goes out on the limb to text you - "Hey, it's good to hear from you! I'd love to go see that play on Saturday, but I promised my aunt I'd babysit. I'm free on Tuesday for lunch, then again on Thursday evening."

Lastly, if it takes more than a week or two to find a date to meet, then your schedule might be limiting the quantity/quality of guys you're able to date. Availability is important, that's why these girls who work 90 hour weeks and volunteering on weekends are single.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-03-30T20:10:07+00:00

I have noticed that it varies a lot between different men. Some men love it and others can't stand it. It seems to me that you happened to end up with two men who like clingy girls.

Kara_El · 2017-03-30T18:24:12+00:00

Yeah, you are who you are and shouldn't try to change that to boost his ego or entertain him. Be less careful about texting him if you want to, because you're afraid of freaking him out, but don't make a conscious effort to be a different kind of girl.

redpillwakeup · 2017-03-30T19:23:07+00:00

First, do not play games. Not texting first/no reply on purpose is a very stupid game guys/girls play. Always let the person know you are into her/him, but don't hesitate to move on if she/he wouldn't reciprocate. It will help you to find the person who truly appreciates you. If you're cold, just being cold; if you're needy then just being needy. A needy person wouldn't all of sudden become not clingy three months in relationship. Do not be afraid to reveal what kind of person you are, that's the only way to find the right one. Playing stupid games will only get you wining stupid prizes.

Second, efforts. If I'm busy or not in the mood to reply a text, I'd simply reply "I'm in the middle of something, talk to you when I'm done" It's not just polite and reasonable, but also let the person know I care about him/her. If I send a txt to a girl and don't get replies until one or two days, I'd automatically downgrade the person as not serious relationship material unless she has a very legit reason. It's 2017, most of people check their phones three times a day at least. Days without getting replies only means you're not that important to him/her.

loneliness-inc · 2017-03-30T20:53:03+00:00

Please see my recent post - honesty and games. I'm on my phone now and can't link it.

Guys don't like clingy girls, girls don't like clingy guys. Being clingy is unattractive all around.

You seem to be viewing this as either one extreme or the other. Either I don't need you or I'll be clingy all the time. A happy middle ground is what's needed here.

Your SO should be your number one priority in life. Nothing else is more important, therefore, nothing else should sidetrack you from your SO. If you're getting sidetracked by other things, you aren't treating them as the number one.

OTOH, people want relationships with adults, not with children. A key differentiation between children and adults is that children are dependant on you for everything and adults are self dependant. An adult doesn't need you to spoon feed them, bathe them or wipe their bottom.

It's a balance. Every person will draw the line somewhere else. To determine how needed is too needed and how much space equals not caring. If you don't get to close to either extreme, you can figure it out.

AndyKane · 2017-03-30T22:29:18+00:00

I see what you're saying.

When I hangout with my best friend and her boyfriend, she's always touching him in some way--but always in an appropriate, casual way. Like when we were hanging out poolside, she lays a leg on his lap. When we're standing in a line or something, she leans on him. He seems to like it, because he'll return the affection.

Just my little observation lol

audible_dog_fart · 2017-03-31T06:49:50+00:00

guys are not one person

RainbowKitty77 · 2017-03-31T18:07:49+00:00

I don't think guys want a girl clinging to them 24/7. However I don't think guys want a cold girl either.

ledbed · 2017-04-23T18:52:14+00:00

No clingy gets old fast for confident guys. They want to feel like an important part of your life (youre the first m8 not a visitor). Not just a girl who hangs out with them sometimes.

From what you wrote it seems you act more like what most guys call fwb. Rpw doesnt normally advocate fwb. Personally I wouldnt commit to a girl who doest keep me as a high priority in her life, but I may fwb them

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-03-31T01:24:11+00:00

It's OK to shift your behavior to make another person happy, as long as it's not a line where it makes you unhappy.

For example, I know a woman, older, who is actually very kind, nurturing and very empathetic. She is really a fantastic person. I have no romantic designs for her, but I recognize she is generally a very sensitive person. I make it a point to show more restraint, to not bring up topics that are harsh or brutal because I realize that empathy meter, it causes her distress and dismay.

I'm not a different person, but I ease my foot on the gas pedal more, because I'm trying to consider putting myself in the other person's shoes.

Base point - If it's not that much extra effort to make an extra two calls a week, is that the hill you want to die on? Is this the hill you want this relationship or interaction to die on?

If it's fundamentally asking you to not be who you are, then find someone who values things in line with what you do and how you operate.

Personally I worry more about good character, and that's so important to me, that personality "glitches" don't bother me so much, but for a lot of people, men and women, its a much bigger deal for them, and if they can't live with it, that's OK too.

Pick your battles, but never lose sight of the war.

Title	Guys like clingy behavior...?
Author	wangj2357
Upvotes	8
Comments	28
Date	March 30, 2017 5:23 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/62fdya/guys_like_clingy_behavior/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/guys-like-clingy-behavior.87123 https://theredarchive.com/post/87123

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