Help me be a better wife

W0zzynix · 2018-09-04T13:50:19+00:00

Learning to think before you speak will be a habit you need to learn. Admittedly, I still struggle with this myself sometimes. What helps me is writing it all down and taking pause. Come back to it later. Sometimes getting it out on paper and looking at it will help.

[deleted] · 2018-09-04T13:50:19+00:00

Read "Taming Your Outer Child" by Susan Anderson, and do the exercises in the book.

It absolutely changed my life.

loneliness-inc · 2018-09-04T14:59:08+00:00

The person who feels the brunt of this is my husband.

I feel for him....

We are newly-weds so right now, it is easy to apologize and makeup and try to be better.

This is something you should never stop. Always apologize, always take action to makeup for bad behavior and whenever possible - backtrack on demands if they haven't yet been fulfilled.

Tell him about this struggle. Ask for his assistance. Give him permission to tell you know. Occasionally practice scenarios where he's to deny your requests.

Changing your character traits is extremely difficult, almost impossible. Changing your behavior is easier than that but still difficult. Focus on changing your behavior.

The good news is - men are more forgiving than women. If you show genuine remorse and you genuinely try to make up for your wrongdoings, he's likely to forgive you even if it happens many times.

bambiliftsweights · 2018-09-04T15:05:47+00:00

It’s VERY difficult to change your personality, you even realize that you have a flaw but it’s still hard to change isn’t it?

The best advice I have is to serve those who are less fortunate than you. It will humble you and make you realize just how fortunate you are. Sure, you can read books, but you’ll need new actions to override old, bad habits.

aussiedollface2 · 2018-09-04T23:21:49+00:00

I’m not sure if this is neediness (which I think generally men don’t mind so much), or just brattiness. If you keep demanding and asking for things from your husband then he may begin to feel as if his efforts aren’t appreciated, and nothing is ever good enough. Perhaps practice some mindfulness meditation and concentrate on the idea of “gratitude” and what you are thankful for xo

LawyerInTheMaking · 2018-09-04T14:49:55+00:00

if you have a 'need' for neediness i would definitely recommend channeling that energy towards something that can give you that. have you thought about maybe do volunteering at a retirement home or do something like BigBrotherBigSister? old folks would definitely appreciate it and little kids are always looking for mentorship, especially if they dont have a stable home or siblings. you definitely can make an impact in their lives.

bambiliftsweights · 2018-09-04T14:41:09+00:00

Just ordered it - can’t wait to read it. I read the summary, it looks good!

WonderWomanxoxo · 2018-09-05T05:41:07+00:00

Girl, think about how you would feel if your husband acted the way you did. If you think about this everytime you're about to say it do something itll help you think it through. However, us as women are all selfish in some form or another. It's a curse. We do these things without even realizing it. Being with my husband has humbled me so much. He doesn't let me get away with being selfish. My man calls me on my bullshit and my flaws, so I am aware of what I do. It was reallyyyy bae when we first got together but as time went on, he would and still does, point out when I'm being selfish or inconsiderate.

EXAMPLE: TRUE STORY Back in 2015 me and my husband were bf/gf We were both working at TJ Maxx. My husband had work one day and I was off. He woke up late bc his alarm didnt go off. He then says "Damn babe you didnt wake me up? I overslept?!" I reply, " well no I didn't have work today."

Things like looking out for one another in situations like this will make your relationship stronger.

VisitingfromJapan · 2018-09-05T18:08:33+00:00

Volunteer your time without telling anyone. Go serve food at a soup kitchen anonymously and without telling anyone or posting on social media.

Do things for others and you'll start to even out the balance.

___Lana___ · 2018-09-09T01:03:38+00:00

Ask him to help you correct that misbehavior. Sometimes only by telling you « Think about what you just said. You are acting like a child ».

You can also push the game a little further and ask him to spank you when you misbehave. It could help you keep in mind that when you act like a child you get treated like one ;-)

cynicalhousewife · 2018-09-09T16:21:42+00:00

You are a bottomless pit, because you are not really addressing your needs at all. You are trying to fill that empty hole with hot air, whilst you are actually overlooking your most fundamental need.

Understanding and personal growth.

The biggest issue here is that you are an adult still holding onto your negative childhood experiences. You need to make peace with them and move on. Until then you will eternally be a child.

Understand that you now have the power and the opportunity to take control and shape your own existence. You are still stuck in that childhood mindset of avoiding responsibility and feeling powerless and reliant on other people. You need to own yourself.

You also need to come to terms with the fact that whatever happened to you as a child was not your fault. You were a child, you were the one who needed boundaries and guidance, and the adults around you had their own issues that they hadn't dealt with.

Another thing you really need to address and understand. You are not special. Your experiences are not unique. You don't need to feel ashamed or guilty or like there is something wrong with you. You need to make peace with yourself and accept that you are just like everybody else.

IsaGuz · 2018-09-05T23:19:59+00:00

Meditation.
Volunteering. Try to help the needy. You're young, so instead of helping people, I'd go help an animal shelter. It'll probably make you see a different perspective.

ta1901 · 2018-09-06T18:54:51+00:00

You have taken the first step, which is the hardest step, and you know what the problems are. That's a good thing.

Stop taking so much, and start giving more. Don't expect anything in return. Just observe how you make your husband happy.
Find a hobby or something that makes you feel happy or fulfilled, that is not someone else doing something for you. Make things, be crafty, volunteer somewhere, help deliver meals to seniors, help out a cat shelter or something.
Look at ways your husband tells you he cares about you. Look at the non-verbal things he does for you. Appreciate those things no matter how small.
Learn his love language and do that for him. Ask him what he likes you to do to feel loved. It took me years to admit to myself what I really needed, and then ask someone for it.

Now, why are you wanting people to do so much for you? Why do you want to be the center of attention so much? Can you enjoy being alone and just reading a book?

What happens when you just relax and don't try to be the center of attention? Do you get anxious? Why? What are you thinking that makes you so anxious?

Keep asking "why" of yourself until you find the root problem.

Yes, being self-centered can be a cancer on relationships, but it is essential that the person apologize. This shows they recognize what they have and shows there is still potential in the relationship. A relationship with no apologies probably has little potential.

plant14 · 2018-09-06T20:22:27+00:00

Use friends more to help absorb neediness? Spend time with them, talk to friends about your problems, do activities with them?

Title	Help me be a better wife
Author	bambiliftsweights
Upvotes	32
Comments	35
Date	September 4, 2018 1:46 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9cvr21/help_me_be_a_better_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/help-me-be-a-better-wife.2954 https://theredarchive.com/post/2954

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