How do I become more soft & feminine?

TempestTcup · 2016-02-14T04:27:48+00:00

I feel like they're very simple and I can't relate.

This is called being a snob. Try to not look down on others that don't share your tastes. It's like talking about food; if you are a foodie, that is no reason to look down on simple fare like a nice pot roast with root veggies.

It's just another way you think other people are wrong because they don't think the same way you do. People are entitled to their own opinions on things, and if everyone has to agree with you 100% on everything, you will be hard-pressed to get along with them.

Eterfinifrete · 2016-02-14T14:19:59+00:00

Everyone is giving you great advice about not dismissing people as "simple" and I couldn't agree more. I'd add that you might need to look for a new outlet for your intellectual energy. If you used to get a kick out of ranting about feminism, wekl, it's great you've stopped doing that but maybe you need something new to write about? Cultivate your interests, read a good book, don't get the idea in your head that being feminine means being simple.

[deleted] · 2016-02-16T19:02:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ohheyydee · 2016-02-15T04:03:11+00:00

Thank you all for your advice. I am learning and no, it isn't always easy but I'm already enjoying life more now than before. I'll continue to read and ask questions, hope you all can continue to help.

RomeBerlinWarsaw · 2016-02-14T04:56:02+00:00

Maybe next time try to genuinely compliment a girl you want to get along with. You can compliment on a colour of her nails, lipstick, her hair style, etc. I suggest try to avoid mentioning any expensive brands first, she might not be able to afford them and will feel upset about it. You can also ask women you are trying to be friends with for advice about baking, cooking in general. If situation allows, say something positive about your SO.

LadyOneEarth · 2016-02-15T01:36:52+00:00

Make yourself approachable. She couldn't relate about a particular brand of makeup but she could probably relate to what kind of brushes does what.

Being soft is not about yourself - it's about the other person feeling you are nice. Ask questions, even if you know the answer. Get to know where the other person is coming from, get her talking and make her comfortable to share stories.

It's basic conversational skills.

Btw, I learned all this from by post about making friends, where so many kind souls gave me their advice.

Also, there is no shortcut and no tips and tricks to be soft. You'll get it right with mindful practice - use your next social event as an opportunity to practice your skills. There will surely be a lot of trial and error involved.

Feminine = gracefulness and poise Soft = nice and unthreathing (aka approachable)

EvolutionistX · 2016-02-15T10:40:15+00:00

(They sell makeup at the Apple store?)

Sometimes you just aren't going to relate to someone else, even though you're trying. For example, the other moms I hang out with all like cruises or at least the idea of cruises, while I hate cruises. When they start talking about how nice it'd be to take a cruise down to the Bahamas, I don't say anything negative, I just try to say something nice about the Caribbean and smile and nod until the conversation comes back around to something I enjoy discussing.

The point of having mom friends isn't that we all enjoy the same things, so it doesn't matter if we all like cruises or not. The point is that our kids enjoy playing together and we exchange useful information about the local schools, kid-friendly events in the neighborhood, etc. So if I let myself get distracted by something petty like "do we both like boats?" I'd lose the real value of the interaction.

When you are hanging out with your boyfriend's friends and their girlfriends, the most important thing isn't for you to connect with them, but to be polite and get along socially. Maybe you'll get lucky and like one of them, but maybe they are meh and you won't. That's okay, if you've genuinely tried. But you still have to be polite and pleasant to these people, because chances are you'll be seeing them frequently.

iwishiwasamermaid · 2016-02-15T17:52:24+00:00

You are extremely arrogant and feel you are better than others. Because... you feel you are more intelligent and can afford better make up? How does that sound? Pretty bad right. Until you change how you look down on others you will have a hard time not "mean mugging" people. Be an empathetic person and realize kindness and the ability to really listen and engage with anybody is a far more valuable asset to have then feeling superior over make up brands. I myself primarily purchase high end products but I actually feel frivolous for doing so. I could donate that money to a good cause or save it. I admire people who have a good sense of frugality. Essentially stop being stuck up. I'm suprised your SO puts up with it... I bet it's embarassing for him and really off putting.

katnip86 · 2016-02-19T07:07:09+00:00

I know I'm late, but I read about a really cool walking/driving meditation a few months ago that has drastically alleviated my resting bitch face ("mean mugging"):

Every person you pass, think to yourself, "May you be well and happy." This positive mantra seems to crowd out all the other thoughts for me, and makes me really aware of them as a human being with struggles, goals, and feelings. Hope that helps. May you be well and happy :)

DarthExero · 2016-02-15T01:15:42+00:00

A friend of mine was sort of in this position with a chick she was trying to make friends with. Actually it was regarding workout clothes instead of makeup. She straight up asked her if she could send her a new pair of her favorite shorts and see if she would like to try it out. It would set her back $20 maybe but when you think about it, its an incredibly cheap way to get someone to feel connection and break ice.

Its like you want to skillfully know when to be outgoing and take a risk into someone. If it works it will pay big social dividends.

As far as the lifestyle as much as it hurts me to say, most of my friends when I was 23 I only see in passing and only a few times a year at most. We grew apart in interest and values and any time we see each other is because its old friends. There are plenty of women who like exercising and cooking. The same friend mentioned above who received the shorts lives in a small community and her friends are all a bunch of totally obese hambeasts who resent the idea of physical exercise but my friend is really into it. I told her that in her community there is someone who is like her and is actively looking for a friend like her. This is also true in your community, there are women in your community who have similar interests and goals that you do and want to become your friend. They are literally looking for you right now and wish you would somehow enter their lives.

As far as your old friends, you will see them less and less, and then only in passing. It may bother you now, but it won't bother you after it actually happens.

ohheyydee · 2016-02-16T22:41:29+00:00

We are going out with two couples today for a movie and dinner. Wish me luck. Updates later :)

Sarita08 · 2016-03-04T15:51:03+00:00

My advice: 1. For conversation starters, before going anywhere read up on what's going on in the world, politics, celebrity nonsense, sports, entertainment, etc. You can even look at Google trends to see what people are interested in lately. This has worked for me every time. Also, spend time talking about THEM -- ask a lot of questions about their interests and seem genuinely interested. Connect on social media if they turn out to be worth becoming friends with. 2. To 'seem' more soft and feminine, speak gently, don't use curse words (or just very, very few), and be generally positive and uplifting. Laugh at jokes. Offer to do small, kind things for others, like refilling glasses if they're having drinks, or tell somebody to sit down while you run and grab that thing from the kitchen they wanted. 3. To 'look' more soft and feminine, wear your hair long if you can and keep it nice (if it's short, pick a good style or wear some sort of nice hair clip), wear light makeup (go for natural looking long lashes and pouty lips) wear lighter colors made with lighter fabric, wear small, dainty pieces of jewelry, and if you're comfortable with it, wear skirts and dresses. I can't say as this is the be-all end-all guide, but these are the things I notice most in girls I consider to be 'soft and feminine'. Good luck!

readwritereddit · 2016-02-22T01:41:59+00:00

I think if feminist issues are important to you I don't think you should be using your all knowledge on social media to attack them. be a femmist IRL, meet like minded women who are both feminist and red pill women. You talk the talk, also walk the walk. You sound like a very smart woman, use that power you have in the right direction. Also like others have said it can be very snobby to look down on others for not sharing your tastes and whatnot. Not everyone can always afford MAC and Sephora. Also many MUA's and celebs use drugstore products. Just like you had a eye opening experience finding out RPW, listen to others and you might just find other eye opening experiences about other things like makeup for example. Your way isn't always the right way or the only way. reducing someone down to just simple and unrelatable because they are different from you isn't a good way to make a friend. different experiences, walks of life make relationships/friendships beautiful just as much as similarities. Remember embrace new experiences and people, have a open mind and most importantly respect for yourself and other people. Sympathy and Empathy are just as important.

Title	How do I become more soft & feminine?
Author	ohheyydee
Upvotes	10
Comments	20
Date	February 14, 2016 3:41 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/45odx6/how_do_i_become_more_soft_feminine/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-become-more-soft-feminine.85981 https://theredarchive.com/post/85981

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