I'm sorry for how lengthy this got, I'm unsure what details would be necessary and suddenly it's a slightly disjointed novel.

I consider myself fairly redpill, I was raised in a traditional family and feel most at ease in those type of relationships. I've been a lurker for a time, have read some of the suggested books. My husband is a good man, although not without flaws. I would not consider him at this time a captain. As time goes by I see him as less of a match for me, and I struggle with those thoughts. The biggest being that I am unable to support him emotionally and during stressful situations as a spouse. He does not accept help of any kind, whether it's when I offer it, when I am there for him; he doesn't know how to articulate what he needs from me and although I exhaust all methods I can think of nothing I do seems to help. I really have tried it all and over prolonged periods; more sex, shouldering more household burdens, being more submissive, trying to provide more enrichment in his life outside the home, date nights, trying to be positive, giving him space, the list goes on. To be clear I've juggled multiple strategies at once and pretty much have been trying to brute force these problems.

My husband wanted me to get back into the workforce, so last year I attended a trade school and have been working full time since July. During that time his workplace had a massive downsizing, has had a number of CEO upsets, and now he's also working remotely(full time at home). He has told me that he still has good job satisfaction as far as the pay, actual work, and his boss directly over him goes, but the politics and new policies in the company can be asinine. Meanwhile my business is only growing and I'm currently working to get it up and running completely. There is no financial hardship, no children, just us. The reasons I even mention this is because I think my husband feels intimidated at times by my successes(although he is also quite successful) and I know he's intimidated by the amount of knowledge I have in my field. I think even though it's been 6 months of the new routine and me working, he is having a hard time adjusting somehow which only compounds what is below.

Over the years(8) I have watched him be affected by work stresses and have been forced to be a bystander in what seems to be a slow motion train wreck. I do not feel that he is comfortable discussing feelings fully with me, he has also said that talking doesn't help him feel better, and in the end he prefers to be a clam and bottles everything up. It's worth noting that he has been this way throughout our relationship and is even more so this way with his friends and family. He is a lone wolf with his problems, and I don't think he has any ways of actually getting rid of or dealing with the stress. I feel useless in the face of this. He has told me that he feels like he can confide in me, but when it comes down to it something stops him, maybe he feels too vulnerable? His only coping mechanism that I see is alcohol.

As his wife I'm having a lot of difficulty with all of this, the part that is the worst is thinking that somehow I've failed him. He's been through some counseling, from my understanding it hasn't helped and his opinion on that sort of help is understandably low. I've tried to suggest that he look to find a good hobby(currently he has none) where he can get away from the house and have a change of scenery doing something he likes. I know that I can't possibly meet all of his needs for entertainment and enrichment and so forth, but his choice is not to go seek out to have those needs fulfilled. Instead the alcohol. Although I'm no doctor I recognize some of the signs that seem to point to some sort of depression with him, and I don't know what to do.

I have put more and more of my needs on the back burner, not necessarily self care things, but needs I'd expect him as a husband to fulfill. At this point I also try to be as unobtrusive as I can, so I don't ask him to spend time with me or try to seek him out when I feel lonely. Lately even if it's been to watch a show/movie with me and cuddle on the couch, it seems like I'm intruding on his life. I do not see him relax even when the house is quiet, comfortable, and peaceful. So when I don't ask he come out of his office and be with me, he stays in there until it's time for bed. The conversation between us is very limited. As I've mentioned before he's not much of a talker to begin with, which is ok with me, but nowadays he is utterly elsewhere.

I fill the time with work, household tasks, self care, studying, and of course worrying. Although he is a good man I feel myself thinking about a life unconstrained by his sullen attitude and apparent apathy. Especially since it's been a roadblock for so long now. I'm torn because I also feel like then I would have ultimately failed as a good wife and at helping him through this. Then again on the other hand I know that if I stay too long this will get toxic for me as well. Already it is quite stressful. I do not have a great support network in place, and I know that eventually that will be overwhelmed by trying to take care of my husband on top of everything else. I truly feel that I'm doing the best with the knowledge and skills that I have, but I can't seem to plug the holes in the ship fast enough.

So finally my question is, how does one know when it is time to call it quits? How do you deal with the emotional aftermath of a decision like that when dealing with a long term relationship?