How should dating and courting progress ideally?

CameraActual8396 · 2025-09-15T17:33:19+00:00

So are you saying your main issue is them being boring?

Maybe see if there's any patterns in either where you're meeting these men or who you're matching with.

It was I think 6 dates before my boyfriend asked me to be exclusive. But after 2 he said he could see himself in a relationship with me.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-09-15T17:42:28+00:00

How are you meeting these men? If it's through apps, I wouldn't read too much into having to drop hints. A lot of women are just on the apps for affirmation. Men get led on all the time, so it's not uncommon for them to wait for the woman to signal that she's serious about meeting. My own husband apparently messaged me months before and I didn't respond. I never remembered this, but based on the timeline, I was either taking a break or talking to someone else. I suggested meeting first and he paid for literally every date (except for one time when we went to different food court stands). This says very little about how "take charge" or "alpha" a man is and more about the nature of online dating.

As for how many dates, I agree that three is a good number to feel each other out. If you don't seem to click (even just conversationally) by this point, you're wasting each other's time. By three dates, you should be looking forward to seeing him, even with nerves.

I'd largely suggest saving a measure of charisma for the in-person meet. Ask questions. Laugh if he's funny. Be approachable. Give it a couple dates, in case he needs a minute to warm up.

I've gone on dates where I was bored to tears with men, and didn't feel like I could look up to them. A lot of them, they don't seem to have anything interesting going on in their lives. Dating them feels like babysitting and I feel tired socially after dates. I know I'm overextending, I am probably doing something wrong after an initial match on an app.

This is just the cost of doing business. You have to kiss a lot of frogs and all that. You're not doing anything wrong. Dating has just always been tough. It's not new. People just complain more loudly. The only thing I'd suggest is to also take advantage of any organic dating opportunities you might be missing. Be cute when you go to the gym or church. Join a bible study if that's your thing. Maybe volunteer or join an intramural team if that appeals to you. If you're a student, there should be dozens of options. If not, though, I understand that it really varies based on lifestyle.

NationalMouse · 2025-09-15T17:43:00+00:00

I agree that 3 dates is all you need to really give even the most seemingly incompatible man a chance to prove that he’s interesting or interested enough to go further with you.

Dating should move through 3 phases:

•Dating - where you both are seeing eachother regularly and should be seeing other people too (Don’t put all your eggs in one basket yet). He should always pay and you should always look nice. This phase should last no longer than 3 months before moving to the next phase.

• Exclusivity - the man should always initiate the “exclusive talk” where he insists that you stop dating other men and he will do the same. This is where sex can happen (unless you’re holding off until marriage in which case he should know by now) As your bond grows stronger you are always vetting him to see that he is a good fit for your life and a provider and good partner for you. This phase should last no longer than 2.5 years. Period. Your job is to inspire him to move forward because he can’t live without you.

• Engagement - He should always initiate the engagement and this is where you two can finally move in together (unless you plan to just wait until marriage, which is also appropriate). Never live with a man who you are not engaged to, with a date set! It makes them lazy because it gives them wife benefits that they haven’t earned without a ring. Engagements should last no longer than 1.5 years.

• Marriage - Yay! Now you can finally start a family and build a future together! This phase should last no less than forever (unless he is abusive and refuses to seek help).💖

RedPillDad · 2025-09-16T15:24:23+00:00

The exciting guys are the sports fisherman in the mating arena. They play catch and release. The dull guys don't know how to be playful, flirty, fun. They're successful in their careers by being reliable and dedicated, but that doesn't translate into higher value within the seduction arena.

Once you've been with fun guys, you don't want to spend time with a boring guy. Plenty of women find themselves in that position. It's the same as being 'alpha widowed' by a superior man and not wanting to settle for someone lesser. Your standards can rise to form the FrankenChad, the sum of the best parts of the men you've met.

How do you get the guy you want? It's the same challenge as finding talent in a business. You either find him, poach him or build him.

TheBunk_TB · 2025-09-15T18:05:41+00:00

" I'm always the jester."

You might be overdoing it and expecting too much from non-emoting types.

Jenneapolis · 2025-09-15T17:50:16+00:00

How old are you and how long are you talking on the app before going on a date?

AutoModerator · 2025-09-15T17:22:37+00:00

Title: How should dating and courting progress ideally?

Author Lucky_Cup_6856

Full text: Hello, I've progressed somewhat from 0 dates to a few dates but still no luck finding my future husband. However it still feels like I have to ask these men out by dropping stuff like 'maybe we could discuss it over coffee?' and the like. At this point I don't know what my real issue is anymore.
> My dating pool is central european men ages 23-42.
> The basic entry filter is looking for long term and wanting children. This of course is no guarantee that a man will take the lead.
>I do not sleep around (obviously).

So my questions are:
• How many dates should I go on with one guy before I know if he's worthwhile?
I feel like 3 would be the maximum to give a man to "come out of his shell" because we are adults.

• How can I create 'openings' for a guy to show off his charizma?
I at least think I'm an active listener = I ask follow up questions, I ask creative questions. I joke around. No dice. I can't force an energy match, I'm always the jester.

I've gone on dates where I was bored to tears with men, and didn't feel like I could look up to them. A lot of them, they don't seem to have anything interesting going on in their lives. Dating them feels like babysitting and I feel tired socially after dates. I know I'm overextending, I am probably doing something wrong after an initial match on an app.

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serene_brutality · 2025-09-15T17:37:45+00:00

3 dates is not enough for someone to come out of their shell. It’s only enough to figure out that he’s generally what he says he is. It’s almost impossible to know someone well enough to gauge if they’ll be a good spouse, only that they’d be a bad one.

Dating is all up in the air right now, people have sex before they hold hands… it’s weird.

But usually the way it goes is talking, to dates, to sleeping together, and that usually happens in the course of a month, if that. Then after regular interaction somewhere around 3 months (in my experience) they elevate the status of the relationship, not taking into account the “exclusivity talk.” Personally I skip that and tell them pretty quickly that I don’t want to date anyone that’s sleeping with anyone else. So if she is now or has any intention to she needs to tell me so as to not waste my time.

At about month 3 (give or take, there’s no set timeframe) you should have a very good idea of who they are and what they’re like to date and that they have the potential to be more. So become official. At that point you continue on for about a year getting to know one another better, building trust and reliance, melding your lives together. Anywhere from two to four years is when people typically start planning marriage.

Title	How should dating and courting progress ideally?
Author	Lucky_Cup_6856
Upvotes	13
Comments	18
Date	September 15, 2025 5:22 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1nhs38f/how_should_dating_and_courting_progress_ideally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-should-dating-and-courting-progress-ideally.1562051 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562051

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