How to be a man's muse?

SaltySeas54004 · 2022-11-20T08:27:30+00:00

Reflect on this perspective: There are parents who think they need to push their kids to do x y or z activity to be driven or passionate. This is not valid as doing so invalidates the child and dampen their natural inclinations. Children don't need motivation to do things out of their interest. They simply do and will learn to navigate accordingly. This does not mean they will learn the correct lessons. This remains the same among adult-adult relationships.

The job of the parent is simple, validate and set boundaries and be the example/ go-getter.

With that, leadership is about inspiring others, not convincing others. When children need help they will gravitate to those they trust / lean on. The job of the parent is not to break this fundamental trust. But to validate it as the world challenges them.

How this ties to your man?

Men are the same. They do like to take the world head-on like children. With that comes many beatings, defeats and eventual victories. I believe the leadership a woman can provide a man is in the 'space' / connecting to his deepest desires and defeats; that even in his defeats you still believe in them in turn you still believe in him. (He doesn't need a million fans, he just needs one he can trust, you) His defeats are your defeats. The subdly here is that, though he does not feel strong in defeat, your reassurance remains and that he is not alone in his defeat. The takeaway here is, You don't need to logic him but you do need to make it known to him that 'his losses are your losses and that it's okay to lose'. This is the spirit of comradere. If he fights this then at least there's still fight in him, and acknowledge that be proud of that, so that he can be too. You recognizing him, helps him recognize himself.

Don't do the thinking for him. It shows you didn't trust his initial thought process that led to his defeat. Instead, focus on what he did well and reiterate that we don't need to win now. Defeat will claim many days but cannot claim his love, his drive, his grit or his wife in the end. You need to know this, you need to become this.

Deeper thoughts: Timelessness; is the energy or perspective that preserves through all odds. The timeless perspective doesn't have to win battles every day or often, instead it remembers the simple that life is and the complexity we lay on top of it.

"Today you feel powerful because you won, but remember that time defeats all" we either learn this or fight this.

From there we live out ideas like: Loyalty Honor Respect Faith Humility Perserverence Grit

Without accepting the power of time (and how little control we have in our world) we cannot live a life well with meaning (and sacrifice) as the things we attach ourselves to, come and go. Once you understand this to your core, you can go anywhere in life and help whoever with all your heart. From there to see those fight for life; watching them stand agianst time (and all the forces more powerful than ourselves) is the most beautiful thing to watch. Even if we know we will not win.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2022-11-20T02:07:32+00:00

Do you know why your mind currently considers supporting a man's mission and being a positive addition to a man's life perilously near to "control" and "mothering"? In my mind there's a lengthy distance between these two concepts and the question being phrased as if it is a difficult differentiation confuses me.

Do you think sayings like "you make me a better man" and "behind every successful man is a woman" indicate the woman is driving the man according to her desire? I don't consider that the feminine role in a relationship.

bloomwish · 2022-11-20T13:09:36+00:00

When you say “controlling” and “mothering” do you mean like, how do you help your man be successful without nagging him to do things, maybe?

I ask because I don’t see “mothering” as an inherent negative quality, and don’t really associate it with “controlling”, myself. Like, my husband shouldn’t be dependent on me as a child would be nor should I be anxiously micromanaging him, but I definitely implement the nurturing and softer aspects that may be associated with being “motherly” towards him. As in, I cook his meals with care and make him healthy snacks. If he’s sick I am extra comforting and attentive, etc.

As far as inspiring him to be better… Well, with my husband I think the most important thing is that I trust him. My husband is smart, kind, and reliable, and in our relationship he makes the final decisions (with my input when he wants it). If I trust him, I won’t be nagging and micromanaging him, I will just follow. Of course, since my husband is human, he isn’t immune to making mistakes — when this happens I try to be supportive, empathetic, and positive. I choose to follow his lead, and he has taken the weight of a responsibility that I don’t wish to have. So when things don’t work out as planned, I always try to see the bright side. If I belittle, blame, and get angry at my husband over an honest mistake or failed attempt, it might hurt his self-esteem and confidence, and cause resentment or anxiety in the long run — at the very least it just doubles down on the frustration he’s already feeling. We are all fallible, and it’s better to be forgiving and gracious towards others, as I’d hope to be treated when I mess up.

On the other hand, when my husband is right about something I happily acknowledge it, and when he succeeds I celebrate it. I let him know often how much I love and appreciate him. I openly express gratitude for the life he provides for me and our little baby that’s on the way. When someone feels appreciated and supported, they will generally feel more confident and inclined to do more. At least, I know I do!

In more practical, day-to-day sort of ways that I try to set my husband up for success, is I try not to give him things to be distracted by. I take care of the domestic duties such as cleaning and cooking, so he doesn’t have to worry about those things. I try to make his environment pleasant and happy. I strive to have a tidy home full of music, good food, and laughter. If my husband can feel happy and comfy at home, it’s one less thing for him to worry about, which gives him more time and energy to focus on work or things that might be more stressful.

And to be honest, he also inspires me to be better in very similar ways. He is openly appreciative when I work hard, he speaks admiringly of me when I do something he finds impressive or clever, and he’s always loving and affectionate. If I make a mistake he generally cheers me up and helps me fix it. If I don’t understand something he will patiently and kindly explain things to me and not put me down or try to make me feel dumb or silly. And so I feel comfortable going to him for advice or guidance or when I am worried/scared/sad about something. And he is comfortable coming to me because I am positive and supportive.

He is good to me, so I want to be good to him. I am good to him, and so he wants to be good to me. I think having a healthy, functional family and home life will set up most people for success because the foundation of their lives is stable and strong.

The caveat to all this being, is that both people are good people who value each other and work toward the best for each other and their families. There are plenty of selfish people out there who will take advantage of or not notice one’s dedication and loyalty rather than reciprocate it. There are men that you could bend over backwards for in every way, but they won’t succeed if they have a bad attitude or some other hang up they aren’t willing to overcome. At the end of the day, you can only encourage others so much, so put your energy and love into people who deserve it and will appreciate you for it!

mihapiha · 2022-11-20T14:22:40+00:00

Why do you need to be controlling or mothering? What a guy who's really ambitious wants, is a woman who's extremely loyal, precise and supportive. Besides, behind every successful man is not a woman who outsmarts her man, but a woman who understands what her man is good at, and trusts him with the path, while taking over the things he may struggle with.

Let me give you a practical example. Any successful man will have to work hard, if he tries to succeed. What someone like that wants is a woman, who'll understand that work comes first, because it's not the best for him, but the best for both of you as a family. It means that you take care of things which are really time-consuming and quite unproductive for his profession. For example you (as the women) should take care of some of the official channel (DMV, IRS, etc.), shopping for the both, bookkeeping, budgeting etc. things which basically destroy a working day for him, but have to be done with quality, trust and precision. I'd much rather have my girl knowing what's going on in my business than trusting everything to some assistant.

On the other hand we still want our girl to be our best friend. She's supposed to see that we're a team against everybody else in a free market place and that it requires some sacrifice to financially protect everybody we both care about. If I work 80h/week at times, it's necessary for our success, not mine exclusively. I want to be able to trust her, rely on her and be understanding when I can and cannot spend time with her.

The fantasy in the movies of the rich young millionaire who's got time for everything, might be possible if you're boyfriend is in some form of entertainment (and/or sports) to earn high 6-figures with having time off. The flip-side is of course that guys in entertainment rarely can maintain their position until they are 60 years old and it will go down financially from a certain point. Everybody else, who's maybe building a company, doesn't have that sort of time but needs a woman who's supportive the right way. For entrepreneurs the projection is up though; so life is getting better and easier with time. It just depends when you meet him and decide to stick around for good.

Edit: If you meet someone like this when they're still building and have very little time on their hand and need to rely on you to make them successful, they will definitely stick around with you in form marriage and family in the long run, because they see a loyal and reliable partner. And that's what most men really want.

sunglasses90 · 2022-11-20T18:25:05+00:00

By never allowing him to know you’re influencing him. Basically, you live your life and you adore him in a way that inspires him to be the best man he can be for you. It’s kind of an abstract idea, but at the end of the day it’s just love. When a man loves a woman he will move heaven and earth for her. Some women are easy to love and some aren’t. Most of us fall somewhere in the middle, so how do you change yourself into a woman who inspires love?

In my opinion: 1. Is looks. Men love beautiful women above all things. 2. Respect and kind heartedness. Men love women who show eternal kindness and motherly love. And who hold themselves and their man in high regard

That’s mostly it. Although this is assuming you have a good man who is capable of strong love. A bad man who doesn’t love and respect women isn’t going to be inspired by his love for them. So part of it is also you choosing your man very wisely.

MA53N · 2022-11-22T07:27:29+00:00

There is a difference between being a supportive woman and a muse. A muse is just a mirror for a person onto which to project their fantasies and often times being a muse means dealing with chaotic, creative/crazy, unreliable persons by being available to them often with little / no judgement or boundary setting.

For example Gala was Dali's muse and wife. If you read his biographies or third party accounts of her relationship with him, yes she got credit for being his inspiration but most of the time he was literally shitting the bed and she had to clean it up. He would run out of money, have insane fits of anxiety/paranoia, run away and go missing, drag her into crazy situations she would have to figure out how to solve, etc. Eventually she made him buy her a castle and he could only visit her after writing her a letter request which had to be approved. Muse burnout.

In contrast a supportive wife like Eleanor Roosevelt or Jackie Kennedy for example werent necessarily muses to their husbands (in fact both of their husbands had mistresses: Margaritte Missy LeHand and Marilyn Monroe, who were more likely their muses) but they complemented their lifestyles in such a way as to create mutual success for both parties which is why these woman are also remembered for their own accomplishments.

Most muses arent as well remembered and had to suffer through a lot of projection and chaos. I recommend the book Lives of the Muses by Francine Prose for examples of why to avoid being a muse. I also recommend Significant Others by Whitney Chadwick for examples of more balanced couples that mutually benefited each other and weren't muses. A muse is often abused.

pizzaghostcat_ · 2024-03-05T08:17:30+00:00

Gentleness and lots and lots of patience.

A lot of people in the comments don't understand that mothering is a distinct role from being a wife. The Bible acknowledges and lays this out when it states that a man shall leave his mother and father and then in marriage, clings to his wife.

That's not to say that she can't be a nurturing woman, and marriage will require that. A lot of it involves letting a man be a man, letting him do his own thing. As he grows in respect for you, there will be times that he realizes that he needs advice and he will come to you. Especially if you have shown that you admire him and respect him.

But you can't lay it on thick. A wellplaced compliment here and there will do.

AutoModerator · 2022-11-20T01:13:44+00:00

Title: How to be a man's muse?

Full text: Hello everyone.

Growing up, I've always heard things like "behind every successful man is a woman" and "you make me a better man". Basically, people say that a woman can be a mans greatest inspiration or greatest distruction

My question is, how can a woman be this for her man without being controlling and mothering him?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Leenesss · 2022-11-20T20:52:45+00:00

Probably easier than you imagine.

Be supportive

Encourage him

do your bit around the house and with family.

I dont mean be a doormat. If the guys not planning or trying to do anything then theres nothing to encourage but if hes trying to move forward then support and help.

Your partners after all.

ZPSCIENCE · 2022-11-21T21:52:28+00:00

Women with borderline or histrionic personality disorder are usually those muses you speak of. However, this you don't want to be.

A muse is not something inherently positive - quite the contrary.

However, those other quotes you said like "behind every successful man is a woman", mostly have to do with the direct opposite of someone with the cluster-5 disorders I spoke of earlier. Being that has to do with giving your husband a safe environment, men are the most productive when they don't have to split their focus thinking about other things.

Sorry I started answering questions before I read your final actual question 😅

>"""My question is, how can a woman be this for her man without being controlling and mothering him?"""

Not sure why this would be a controlling trait? Mothering - maybe slightly - but that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Title	How to be a man's muse?
Author	Helpful-Ad919
Upvotes	22
Comments	15
Date	November 20, 2022 1:13 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/yzrfe8/how_to_be_a_mans_muse/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-be-a-mans-muse.1140933 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140933

Comments