Hi, long time lurker but first post. I actually stumbled upon this from reading The Surrendered Wife years ago, and maybe this is a familiar story, but had originally bought it as a bit of a joke and then realised how much it resonated with me.

My husband and I have been together 9 years and married for 6. We have a child each from before we met and have joint custody of both of them, as well as another child together. My husband works full time and due to my eldest's disability I work part time.

Because of this I do the majority of childcare and almost all of the housework. I feel this is fair because of our working hours, and if I worked full time and him part time I would certainly expect him to do more in the house.

The problem being I find myself often feeling resentful of his contributions in the house. It's mainly because he's incredibly messy. Cups left out, laundry next to his side of the bed rather than put in the laundry basket etc. I feel the children are bad for leaving mess out because they see him doing it.

I find it hard to talk to him about it, as when I remind him of it I feel like I'm nagging him and treating him like one of the kids. He will offer to do more in the house, but then I feel guilty because I know he works hard and I want to provide a nice home environment for him.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this without feeling resentful/like a martyr for having to deal with the house by myself?

Thanks in advance.