Hypergamy and relationships

I was watching a video of Better Bachelor on Youtube about how hypergamy can be the cause of a women cheating and leaving a relationship, particularly when the relationship is in a stable and healthy state. I am not sure if I reached the core of this, but I would like to try to understand how relationship satisfaction can actually be a root cause for hypergamy. Even if we ignore those situation in which the satisfaction is only perceived by one side and which I think most of us also know. Namely, the situation that "women see problems where there are none, while men don't see problems where there are problems" or "men marry a woman and expect her not to change, while women marry a man and hope he will change". And I also think we all know many situations where the man feels that the woman suddenly without real reason changed and left, while we probably also know many women that tried for years to improve their marriage but hit deaf ears and then at some point didn't have any attraction or empathy or energy left and gave up.

Relationship satisfaction as root cause for hypergamy also explains why threat seems to work and also why so many instable and dramatic relationships can last for such a long time, but also why some women seem to change after marriage. I know the common male perspective is that she just got what she wanted and now shows her real self, but that probably only applies to a minority of women, I think for many it is more true that after marriage and living together they suddenly realize that there seems to be no space for improvement anymore.

I firmly believe that both perspectives are valid and that if we are interested in a life long stable and satisfying relationship for both we need to consolidate these two perspectives.

In my understanding and the most simple terms hypergamy can be understood as an intrinsic need or desire to improve ones current situation. Everything else can be derived from this basic definition and the individual psychology and the values attached to it.

I also don't think that the need for improvement is only restricted to women, it is a basic human drive, but women and men satisfied them differently. Men by achieving and gaining status in society and the outside world. Women by marrying up and supporting their husbands in achieving more.

For some improvement means gaining in status (marry a well respected men above ones own social status, trying to climb the corporate ladder, trying to get chad), for others it might mean gaining financial wealth (marrying rich), for others it might mean finding a partner at all (e.g. be more feminine, reasonable vetting), receiving more male attention (instagram, onlyfans), and so on.

What I call improvement can be achieved in mostly two ways, based on ones own achievements or based on profitting from others achievements. However, I also belief that with respect to a relationship improvement needs to come from both collaborating with each other and respecting and satisfying each others needs. But historically women where dependent on men to improve in social status and as a consequence of the evolutionary, selective process, to look for that improvement coming from men is probably deeply ingrained in our instincts. A lot of women loose attraction simply because they feel that things are not moving forward anymore, or are on the contrary maybe even deteriorating or the status quo is at threat and the man is either unable or unwilling to step up.

So far I think it should all be self-evident and trivial. Where it becomes interesting is in the situation where men seem to have the impression that on average everything is fine, while some moment later his woman moves in with chad and files for divorce. But also that it indeed happens often that doubts whether "he is the right one" do not only happen as a consequence of arguments, but particularly also happen when the relationship starts to become more stable.

But somehow, it seems that within a relationship what might seem for a man like a stable pleasant and comfortable home to which the man can come and relax until he has to go out "hunting" again, might at the same time leave the desire of a woman for "improvement" insatisfied, particularly because it is stable and an upside direction is not visible anymore, while on the other hand basic dissatifaction with some aspects of the relationship does not improve and might become overwhelming at some point.

Relationship stable in principle means that the new status quo has been achieved and this then due to the intrinsic need for improvement (hypergamy), which might feel like boredom or being stuck/trapped, then also allows to check from the new status quo for the next even better status quo. I guess that this is one reason why men that seem to have an intrinsic need for achievement appeal attractive to the majority of women because being at their side means constant improvement.

The thing is, improvement, having a direction a better state in the future, seems to be a basic human need that demands fullfillment, and I think in a life long relationship it can be satisfyied by also developing the relationship and improving life at home. It seems a bit at conflict for men's wish or perception "that everything is ok, even though not perfect". And I also think while women indeed can be materialistic, most women I know felt dissatified because they felt emotional disconnect after many years of trying and not seeing things change (nagging and deaf ears). It also correlates with the observation that im general women seem to be more relationship and feelings oriented, while men seem to be more physically and logic oriented.

Of course there are many more details to make the picture complete, but I only wanted to concentrate on those that are most important and I feel I already deviated a lot.

I think from both sides this allows for plenty of possibility to adress the topic hypergamy from different angles. It is not merely a women trying to improve her social status, though it can be, but in principle the basic drive behind is "missing a direction, the lead towards a better future, daily life, house, relationship".

For men this would probably as a minimum that they at least don't let the status quo deteriorate because of lazyness, feeling to comfortable, gaming, etc.

For women this means to look concretely at how certain aspects in her daily life can be improved. Don't make you partner the sole source of improvement. This is also how you inspire his improvement.

Ideally men and women should collaborate on this and develop together.

I think that with respect to the average relationship this could be the most important one, but of course nowadays it is also influenced by the social media landscape that makes it easy to feel one could reach out to ultimate luxury and I also think that this definitely puts some younger "queens" on the wrong track.

TL;DR: hypergamy/monkey branching mostly arises as a result of basic human need for improvement and having a direction towards a better future. It can particularly become relevant in times of having achieved a certain status quo.