"If he wanted to, he would"

CourtZealousideal980 · 2023-12-22T01:54:35+00:00

all i can say is there's nothing else for you to do to be a soft place for him just keep letting him know you are there for him and care about him

diaryofalostgirl · 2023-12-22T04:30:28+00:00

By profession, I am familiar with child custody battles. What he's going through is likely to be unimaginable pain for him. I've seen men who dealt with the emotions involved by checking out of feeling. They just... close up. And sometimes they give up on defending their own interests, just to have it over and done. I've also heard a lot of single parents describe the court process as something the other parent seemed to be using as a blunt instrument against them. Some combination of this might be happening to your boyfriend.

Who is part of his support system? Would it help the situation, do you think, to reach out to them and ask where you can help?

Egoistchan · 2023-12-22T01:49:46+00:00

"If he wanted to, he would" has nothing to do with being chased, pursued, or "romanced". It actually became a popular term for men who pulled their equal weight in the home and caring for children, and treating their partner like a person they actually love as opposed to a mother, wife, maid, etc.

In this context, you don't need to "do" anything to be a supportive presence. Just let him know you are there for him whenever he needs you. Custody battles are so stressful and making the situation about you and your feelings is counterintuitive. Your feelings definitely are important, but learning to cast them aside for a short time to really listen and be present for him will be appreciated and repaid in the future. Trust me. Good men don't forget how you stood by them.

Objective_School_738 · 2023-12-22T15:59:15+00:00

Respecting his boundaries is part of being a soft place for him. It involves understanding when to give them space and when to provide support, allowing them to navigate their emotions at their own pace.

You can gently encourage breaks from the custody battle by facilitating breaks and planning activities that can provide a mental and emotional respite but be patient with his withdrawal as it’s likely a coping mechanism.

Remind yourself that this too shall pass. It’s only temporary and it’s just part of the ebbs and flows of any relationship to have periods of closeness and distance. The ideal is trusting that you will choose to come back to each other over and over again, no matter what may try to keep you apart.

AutoModerator · 2023-12-22T01:35:47+00:00

Title: "If he wanted to, he would"

Author NoStuffTA

Full text: Hi all. I've been lurking here for awhile. I'm mid-30s, have healed myself after a divorce and a really, really bad year last year, and I found this community. The philosophy and advice really seems like something I can naturally do, and I'm dating a man who really seems to respond to me being caring, building him up, etc. He has majority custody of a 4yo daughter from a prior relationship, she and I get along well, he helps foster the relationship, and we both see me eventually having a caretaker role for her.

But I need dating advice. I feel like a lot is geared towards young women dating for marriage. I'm open to marriage, but not especially interested in it again. Commitment yes, and the first few months with my bf felt great. But then his ex sued to gain custody, and he communicated he couldn't be around a lot until that got settled. We went from daily texting and weekly hangouts to seeing each other once a month (since Nov) with sporadic communications.

I want to hang in there until his custody situation is settled, because I think he's a great man, and I hope we can return to the "old us." He appreciates that I give him space, that I reached out with Christmas presents for his daughter., that I don't pester for court details But I'm not sure what to DO when we're not around each other or talking. How can I be supportive, a warm place for him to land, and take care of him when we're this distant?

I'm trying so hard to push away the toxic thoughts from most female communities, that say "if he wanted to, he would." They want the man to chase yet never get a reward. They think men should be texting us all the time, since it "only" takes 2 seconds. I LOVE to text, yet even I need breaks. And most advice towards step parents assumes they hate their man's kid, and want to get away, but I want to care for her so none of that advice works, either. So help, I just need reassurance and guidance. Thanks

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JustAnotherBoymoder · 2023-12-22T03:39:47+00:00

It sounds like predictable problems a single dad of a 4 year old would go through, I doubt it's going to end after this current custody battle. Just comes with the territory of dating a single dad, you're going to likely have to deal with baby mama drama and you'll never be his first priority.

Title	"If he wanted to, he would"
Author	NoStuffTA
Upvotes	27
Comments	21
Date	December 22, 2023 1:35 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18o37r2/if_he_wanted_to_he_would/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/if-he-wanted-to-he-would.1241330 https://theredarchive.com/post/1241330

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