Is this cheating?

princess_mothra · 2023-06-12T18:57:31+00:00

It has been years and he has moved on. You will not need to apologize for it.

I also would not share this with dates upfront, and I would probably recommend holding off on dating until you are in a better place mentally.

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2023-06-12T18:53:35+00:00

Even if you did cheat there is no reason to contact your ex, you can leave him alone, he seems to be doing fine.

In regards to sharing with dates, there’s no need to say you cheated. You were hospitalized and admittedly delusional. Bring up your mental health challenges when appropriate like you would any other health issues.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-06-12T21:02:18+00:00

Morally, you didn't cheat. Practically, you did. There's no reason for you to morally judge yourself as a cheater, since you were quite literally going crazy, and believed your boyfriend was dead. However, a man saying "I'm unwilling to stay with a woman who is unable to maintain loyalty even when she wants to" is still completely reasonable - there's nothing wrong with him having standards for a relationship that are potentially out of your control. We don't really have a word or cultural concept of "unconscious cheating" to describe people having psychotic breaks or even just sleepwalking. But the instinctual feeling of paternity risk that makes men avoid cheating women will swell up based on the practical reality, regardless of moral intent.

I don't think you had any reason to tell your ex you came onto another guy while you had a break from reality and thought he was dead, unless you believed there was a good chance it would happen again and you wanted him to knowingly and willingly commit to a relationship with you understanding what could happen during psychotic breaks before you are committed.

(Sidenote, asking to go on a break is always a soft breakup where people take a look at the other options and only return if they think they can't do better. It's a crappy, low-value thing to initiate - stringing someone along while they go hunting - but don't fall for someone claiming they just want a break again. Maybe they'll return, but it's because they didn't see anyone "better" around despite looking, and you don't want desire for you to be so low.)

As for dates - absolutely do not describe yourself as having cheated. All you have to say, if asked early on why you broke up with your ex, is that he asked for a break and a couple weeks later you found out there was another woman. I'm sure it goes without saying that you shouldn't date until you are stable, but assuming you are, disclosing your mental health history is something you should do before going exclusive, for both your sake and the sake of whoever you're dating.

At that point, "I am completely stable now and take medication/go to therapy/whatever, but I have a history of X. My ex asked for a break after I had a psychotic break and was committed" makes enough sense standing alone without having to go into the gory details. People understand that someone experiencing delusions can decide they're married to the King of England or that their boyfriend is a sleeper agent sent by the government to kill them. It's up to them to decide if they want to have a relationship with someone with a history of delusions.

LateralThinker13 · 2023-06-12T20:27:36+00:00

I approached another patient I was attracted to, but couldn't do anything with him, because of the staff. I would not have gone after this guy had I known my boyfriend was alive.

1) If you had legitimately been told by law enforcement that your BF had died in a car accident, and turned around and found comfort in another man's arms that day (happens more often than you might think), would that be cheating? No, because you thought he was dead. Additionally, you say you would not have done it if you'd known otherwise. So you had no mens rea, no intention to cheat.

He said it was cheating and so I tried to make it up to him by inviting him to the hospital to have sex. We did

2) Okay, this is just awkward. That's just desperation. If he thinks you're a cheater, he's not going to change his mind because you give him sex. WTF. This is obviously breakup sex.

A few weeks later I saw him on Facebook tagged "in a relationship" with another girl. When I confronted him he said that he didn't want to trigger my mental illness.

Yeah, because a girl who has strong enough delusions to think her BF cheated, ran off, and died, is someone no man wants to date. He wants to get clear of you, and no offense, I don't blame him.

Did I cheat?

No. Ethically, there are two ways to cheat: by action or by intent. (Incidentally, this is why you can commit two sins for the price of one if you're Catholic.) You didn't actually cheat, and you had no intent to cheat. So you're clear.

It does sound sketchy, however. Mental illness on this level is a giant flaming red flag with fireworks to men. You need to get this sorted so it doesn't happen again if possible, because this isn't a little problem. Frankly this is beyond RPW advice levels beyond "get help".

what do I say when this topic comes up on dates?

Nothing until you have it fully, completely under control. Whatever you have going on, get it solved/treated/cured BEFORE dating.

If that isn't possible... you're going to have to find someone to be open with about your issues, who can accept them (and not abuse them). That's... well, nothing's impossible, but...

AutoModerator · 2023-06-12T18:33:29+00:00

Title: Is this cheating?

Full text: A few years ago I was in a relationship with this guy when I got really sick and had a psychotic break. I started believing all sorts of delusions, including that he had run off with another woman and died. During this time I approached another patient I was attracted to, but couldn't do anything with him, because of the staff. I would not have gone after this guy had I known my boyfriend was alive. Then the delusions subsided and I called my boyfriend out of guilt. He said it was cheating and so I tried to make it up to him by inviting him to the hospital to have sex. We did and then soon after I got out he asked to go on a break. A few weeks later I saw him on Facebook tagged "in a relationship" with another girl. When I confronted him he said that he didn't want to trigger my mental illness.

Did I cheat? My therapist said I didn't but I'm not sure I really trust her. I want to know in case I need to apologize again. Also, what do I say when this topic comes up on dates?

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Title	Is this cheating?
Author	brushshstrokes
Upvotes	0
Comments	6
Date	June 12, 2023 6:33 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/147u42j/is_this_cheating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-this-cheating.1222762 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222762

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