Man Flu...

FleetingWish · 2015-09-09T22:55:13+00:00

I tend to think that men spend so much of their lives having to take charge and be responsible, that when they get sick, they just let themselves be sick. It's the one time they allow themselves to let their guard down and be taken care of, without feeling any shame for it. They just sort of collapse, and let someone else take charge for the day.

My advice would be to take care of him this time, because he makes sure you are taken care of every other day, it's the least you can do.

Also, stop using shaming language like "man-flu". It's not up to you to decide if he's sick "enough" to warrent taking the day off, and it's not up to you to decide whether or not you are going to take his needs seriously. If he thinks he's too sick to take care of his responsibilities, then he is. He would do it if he wasn't sick wouldn't he? If so, then it must not be an "excuse".

If you are well enough to make a post complaining about his behavior on reddit, then you are well enough to help out a little.

CrazyHorseInvincible · 2015-09-10T00:16:15+00:00

The fact that you use the shaming term "man-flu" without thought suggests you have little awareness of what illness is for men and how we deal with it.

Women often have the impression that men complain more and are more incapacitated when sick than women. When we look at the data, this is not only wrong, it is the exact opposite of the truth. Women take more sick days off work than men, and visit their physicians more frequently.

This myth persists for several reasons:

Men tend to ignore illnesses that are not serious, so women tend to never notice at all when he's only slightly sick.
People react much more negatively and less sympathetically to a sick man than a sick woman, so they are more likely to level a charge of malingering.
Men are more frequently the major household income, and provide the vast majority of vital services, so a sick man has a much greater impact on those around him.
Men feel much more guilty about setting down responsibilities on account of illness, so complaining may often be a way of men trying to make sure everyone knows that they are, in fact, seriously ill.
There are a lot of women out there who just plain make up bullshit to bash men with, and other women believe this bullshit because they find it flattering.

If you find yourself becoming bitchy when he is sick, try to notice the following things:

How much more of an impact it has when he is incapacitated than when you are. You may be relying much more on him than he does on you. If so, try being grateful for what he normally does, instead of angry that he can't always do it.
How many of his responsibilities require greater physical exertion than yours do.
How your responsibilities are less time-critical, and can be put off until you are healthy without incurring even criticism, much less serious consequences.

Zebleblic · 2015-09-10T00:34:37+00:00

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/active/mens-health/10536083/Man-flu-the-truth-that-women-dont-want-to-hear.html

scallopkid · 2015-09-09T22:18:21+00:00

his flu stops him from functioning and addressing his responsibilities while the rest of us just get on with it.

Do you jump in and cover his responsibilities when he doesn't do them?

vintagegirlgame · 2015-09-10T08:33:23+00:00

All I know is that when I'm sick, the best feeling in the world is having my loved one doting on me and making me feel cared for. Why would I not reciprocate? We are natural nurturers and when sick our men deserve some pampering.

When the whole household is sick...I'm sure you want some nurturing too, but well you still take care of your sick kids, why not also take care of him? I think Women have more stamina in these situations.

miss-carried · 2015-09-09T23:33:06+00:00

Over the years, preparation has helped me get through this. I keep things on hand for both of us to get through the flu as easily as possible (healthy frozen entrees, fixings for very simple soups, tea, cough drops, medicine, etc). When it's time to hunker down, we hunker down and heal.

I do feel like being sick when my husband is also sick can be a lonely time for me, but I have learned that's because I'm under the weather and not at my strongest mentally. My husband is lucky enough to sleep through most any illness. For me this means spending most of the day / night alone for a week. I try to catch up on girly shows during a household flu attack and make it as much of a fun solo retreat as I can.

I hope you feel better soon, and I will also say that it's a rule in our house to never discuss or even think about relationship stuff when either of us under the weather. See how you feel once everyone is all healed :)

ddrluna · 2015-09-10T14:54:53+00:00

My husband works his ass off to put food on the table and to improve his skills for most of the year. The absolute least I can do is care for him when he's not feeling so well--bring him tea, food, tylenol... whatever he wants. I would never think to belittle him; I'm not in his head, I don't feel his symptoms. For all I know, if I get sick with something and he catches it, it affects him in a totally different way than it affects me. There was one time near the beginning of our relationship where he was sick with some nasty bug that I managed to not catch, but he's never been that bad since. I remember him being in a lot of pain. If I felt shitty like that and he started saying "oh, it's not a big deal, don't be a baby", I'd feel pretty hurt.

I can't even imagine feeling resentful if my husband got sick. If resentful is a thing I'd ever feel towards him it certainly wouldn't be for something totally out of his control. Personally it makes me feel good to try and help him to feel better. It's like a personal challenge.

fhigurethisout · 2015-09-10T07:17:56+00:00

Partner and I recently had HFMD. It was brutal. Instead of letting it get to us, we spent some quality time together on our sick days and watched films, cooked, etc. I tried rubbing ointments on his hands and feet. We got medicine together. It was nice and we turned a crappy illness into an excuse to be together and laze around.

Why are you so concerned over trivial responsibilities? Why are you so crabby that he is taking time to heal?

Get better first and don't shame your husband for taking time to recover. That is ridiculous. Look after the health of you and your family first. Health and family take precedent!

Washiface · 2015-09-10T22:11:16+00:00

I'm just glad when my husband admits he's ill! Most of the time it's impossible to get him to the doctor, even when his problem may be serious. My dad is the same, will not go to the doctor under any circumstances, he finds it very shameful so I worry about how I'm going to take care of him when he is elderly!

Looking after a poorly man is very rewarding because when they DO admit to being sick they are so thankful of being taken care of. It's much more fulfilling than being angry at them and my husband always takes care of me when I am sick so it's only fair.

My husband is currently 'in the wars' because he has an eye infection and fell down a hole, injuring himself. I went on a massage course a few months ago, so I have gently been trying to massage him and get rid of his bruising. He also likes me doing cold compresses on his eye and just generally nursing him. Take care of your man while he lets you. Often they go with a bad tummy, back ache from work and don't say anything. If you are sympathetic he is more likely to come to you with something that is irritating him/worrying him. How many times do I have to ask my husband 'what's wrong with you?' before he actually admits he is in a lot of pain. You want to build that trust up before he gets older and more serious problems arise. My father in law didn't go to the doctor about his cancer until he collapsed!

[deleted] · 2015-09-10T21:29:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BigSteroidMuscles · 2015-09-11T02:14:14+00:00

Men deal with physical pain better, women deal with sickness better. Evolution and such. Not to say he couldn't willpower his way through it and do productive things (albeit difficult). I'm just stating the facts.

Title	Man Flu...
Author	springchicken28
Upvotes	13
Comments	40
Date	September 9, 2015 9:50 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3kaxmb/man_flu/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/man-flu.85590 https://theredarchive.com/post/85590

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