Masculinity in Illness

BudgetInteraction811 · 2023-06-11T01:27:20+00:00

Simple — allow him to outsource the labour using his savings. He doesn’t want to see you struggling, he wants to feel like he’s got you just like you’ve got him. He might not be able to physically contribute the way he used to, but he’s still providing for you by spending money on these services and he will feel less guilty about how much work you have had to pick up.

puddingbike · 2023-06-11T08:01:47+00:00

As a man, it is extremely difficult when you're unable to do physical things that you normally did: such as mowing the lawn, carrying heavy things around, and just the endless array of miscellaneous tasks that arise which require a bit of muscle power to execute.

Again this is not a real issue-I consider it an honor to take care of a man who basically rescued me and also treats my daughter like she’s his own. It’s his attitude towards it that’s the problem.

I disagree. It's an extremely real issue. For a man, there aren't too many issues more real. It's important to his sense of manhood that he perform the physical tasks that men have the natural, physical embodiment to complete. His attitude, in my view, isn't really the problem. His reaction is normal. I've gone through the same myself after a surgery. It's very difficult as it challenges your sense of self. It's extremely frustrating. It's emasculating. It's a valid reason, in my view, for a man to be unhappy.

How can I help him to feel masculine and in charge in this situation? I’m not angry with him over his attitude towards it at all; I just want him to be happy.

Help him recover. Tell him that you understand it's frustrating that he can't do his tasks, but that he'll recover and be doing them once again.

Edit: When I say it is not a real issue, I mean that I am not bothered by taking care of him. I realize that for him it is a very real issue.

Just saw this edit, and I agree with it.

MrNifty · 2023-06-11T02:10:26+00:00

Some questions I wonder about if they're not too personal:

He's an older guy, so I imagine this is not his first marriage. Do you know the circumstances under which his prior marriage(s) ended?
Has he been in contact with any male friends or relatives since the onset of his illnesses? Have they been remote or in-person?
Did he have a mid-life crisis and if so, what did that look like? How did he describe it, how did he deal with it?
What has he been saying specifically since the onset? Not the cruft, but what has he been really telling you since he's been laid-up?

AutoModerator · 2023-06-10T19:03:04+00:00

Title: Masculinity in Illness

Full text: I’m facing a problem I never considered.

My husband is an excellent partner. He’s very masculine and take charge while also being loving and affectionate. I feel safe and loved with him. This has not been my previous experiences. He is also older than me-we have a significant age gap. He is also a very dominant man who believes that he is in charge of the house and that it is his role to provide, protect, and generally make my life as easy and nice as possible. After being left to fend for myself most of my life, you can imagine how nice it is. I have gone from a super militant feminist to a much softer, submissive, happier woman. I have followed a lot of the advice on this sub and it has made my life very happy.

My husband was recently diagnosed with a serious life threatening illness that is going to take some effort to manage. On top of this, he currently has a separate temporary illness that is making his symptoms much worse. Because of this, he is currently unable to do things he used to do such as lawn care, carrying heavy items, cooking (he is an excellent cook), etc. The load has fallen on me, which I do not mind. I am also doing a lot of caretaking, which I do not mind. I know that once the secondary illness is gone he will be able to do more. But I also know that periods of time where he is seriously sick will become more frequent. I understood this when I married him-it’s part of being in a relationship with an age gap.

Now on to my actual problem. My husband cannot stand the new order of things where I do most household chores, including the “manly” chores, and where I take care of him. He believes that it is his role in life to take care of me and to make my life easier. Because of this, he is in a bad mood constantly and I believe he is struggling with his self esteem and with depression. Again this is not a real issue-I consider it an honor to take care of a man who basically rescued me and also treats my daughter like she’s his own. It’s his attitude towards it that’s the problem.

How can I help him to feel masculine and in charge in this situation? I’m not angry with him over his attitude towards it at all; I just want him to be happy.

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StructureNo3388 · 2023-06-11T01:00:18+00:00

Is there a wqy you could respectfully reach out to his friends or family members?

Having his peers around might help him accept whqt is happening, and show him that he is accepted and valued by men around him

flower_power_g1rl · 2023-06-13T02:54:10+00:00

I knew a man with a terminal illness who took much pride in writing books, until he was paralyzed and could only say the words and his nanny wrote them down.

My dad has an illness which presents him from doing physical work, but his piano-playing has only improved throughout the years and he has been composing more than ever. He too was devastated and grumpy for the first two years since diagnosis.

Your husband's physicality is limited and he is experiencing a lot of emotional difficulty which goes further than just masculinity. His masculinity is still there; it's intrinsic. There must be things he excels at intellectually and these are going to define his self-esteem over the following years. But the first few years,vhe will be in turmoil for many reasons.

What kind of intellectual skills or hobbies does he have?

Title	Masculinity in Illness
Author	MsSmiley1230
Upvotes	20
Comments	14
Date	June 10, 2023 7:03 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1468873/masculinity_in_illness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/masculinity-in-illness.1221839 https://theredarchive.com/post/1221839

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