Online Dating, Conversations & First Dates: How to handle it all?

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-08T21:05:54+00:00

process to vetting and finding someone is pretty exhausting

You're going to get a half dozen unhelpful comments about how bad OLD is, but this is just true of all dating, honestly. It's tiresome, no matter how you go about it, so my advice is to keep all avenues open. Go out, meet people, cultivate hobbies, be approachable, and dress cute. In the meantime, definitely keep dating online, because no matter how people feel about it, it's the most common way people meet, today.

As for how you're going about it, what you're doing sounds about right. I never talked to multiple men at a time, because it felt disrespectful. It was also confusing. If you feel like there are too many options, be very picky on who you give the nod to, so you're only considering the most eligible men, instead of blowing off guys who might match up with you better later. If you feel it's taking too long to vet, meet sooner. Don't meet right away, but don't talk for more than a few days to a week. Most people reveal their crazy or incompatibility sooner than that and it will save you so much time and energy.

Overall, what you're doing seems right. At 22, make sure you're not missing any opportunities to meet in person, be they religious avenues or conservative clubs on campus. You're really young and have more options than you likely ever will right now, so if you're up for it, do it all! Dating is frustrating, no matter the form, because the rules are constantly changing, as are the options people are considering. Just be as clear and concise (no one is reading more than a couple paragraphs) as you can in your profile and make an effort to get things offline as quickly as you safely can, without sending the message that you're up for a hookup.

katnipbee09 · 2023-04-08T22:20:45+00:00

honestly? don't take so long to have that first date & don't swipe right on so many people. be picky.

i matched with my boyfriend on a sunday and our first date was that week on friday. we spoke daily leading up to the date and we've spoken every single day since then.

it's better to have that first date sooner than you're having them - you'll waste a lot less time, especially if you don't talk to multiple people at once

if your looks aren't the problem, what about you could be the problem? you may not be the problem because dating can be hard but maybe you're relying too much on your looks? what are the pros and cons of dating you? what could be a flaw or a red flag of yours? dating will be a lot harder than it needs to be if you just walk around thinking about how your looks aren't the problem.... you need to find the problem

Jenneapolis · 2023-04-09T02:12:56+00:00

Personally I would remove the dominant man and trad wife stuff. I actually tried a similar method and I’m sure some people have success with leaving it on there but I found it attracts the wrong type of man. Many men will think of dominant as in just sexually and even if you say you are looking for a husband, they may try to take advantage of this. It’s greatly misunderstood by many men - they think “oh fun a submissive woman who will do what I say!” and not focus on the responsibility they have to bring. You are more likely to find a guy who is truly dominant if it comes up naturally in his behaviors rather than what may be putting on an act for you because you already told him outright what to say/do.

Second I agree with be more picky and meet more quickly. Don’t waste your time going on a date with a guy you aren’t really excited about for at least some reason. When I was dating I realized there were guys I was actually excited about meeting and then guys I thought I SHOULD be excited about. Those that I was truly naturally excited about always went better. We often do tell women to be more open to dating different types of people but if you are exhausting yourself and you have a ton of interest then it sounds like you need to limit more. Also really take time to think about what you are looking for, make a list.

I also wonder why you are losing interest after dates? You don’t really say you were going on dates and not liking the guys, you just say that after a first date you find it a lot of work to sustain. So maybe the issue is less about finding a guy you click with on the first date and instead figuring out why you aren’t interested in investing more time with the guys you do go out with. Hopefully it’s not a case of you continuing to look for the perfect person rather than build on someone who is good enough and has potential.

QuickEgg6236 · 2023-04-08T21:06:26+00:00

Why does Brazil sound so western?! O-o

''My bio clearly states that I'm conservative, traditional and want a
conservative & dominant man to marry and build a family with''
I would rephrase the last one to only 'family oriented'. not what the
man should be or you demand. (comes across as manly too early) right,
otherwise I think online dating can be a valid way of meeting
someone. the reason I mention that is, is because your mindset while
using it cannot be' it is second class dating' or sth, because
otherwise it frames whoever you'll meet through it as bad.

tambourine_goddess · 2023-04-08T19:27:04+00:00

Online dating isn't particularly effective in finding a potential partner, imo. On these platforms, people are generally looking for things they see as deal breakers, where if you were in person, these attributes may not seem such a big deal.

I'd recommend either joining an adult sports league, finding a religious community with people your age, and/or making friends with married couples, because married couples want to hook all their single friend up.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-08T19:05:38+00:00

Title: Online Dating, Conversations & First Dates: How to handle it all?

Full text: Hi, everyone!

I (22F, turning 23 this year) have been feeling pretty lost on how to use online dating effectively. I'm graduating soon, and both my part-time job and internships are in pretty liberal fields (alternative therapy and teaching respectively) - most of the people I deal with are women, gay men or leftists. I keep to myself most of the time, and it's hard to make friends or meet interesting men in my day to day life.

So, I usually use dating apps. However, I don't think I'm using them correctly (if there is such a thing). I've gone on dates, and dated someone I've met on OLD, but the process to vetting and finding someone is pretty exhausting.

I get anywhere from 1500 to 3000 likes on the app that is most frequently used around me, and 300-500 on the app that fewer people know of (for some background information, I'm not from the US, I currently live in Brazil); that's a lot of people and I don't have the time to talk to the majority of them.. My bio clearly states that I'm conservative, traditional and want a conservative & dominant man to marry and build a family with. My last picture is a few tradwife "memes", which I hoped would help "filter" some of the men. The ones that send the first message with a super swipe/like mentioning these things get priority usually. (Note that the men I usually chat and swipe on me are older men, 8-15 year age gap usually, which I prefer; sometimes older if they seem really interesting)

But my current strategy is to chat online to make sure we are kind of on the same page and weed out some men (polygamists, men looking for plates, etc) and that can take a week or two. Then we meet in a public place, for coffee or lunch/dinner. My dad or my aunt take me to my dates and pick me up (which is kind of weird, sure, but they feel it's the safest option). The process of getting to know one person and going on the first date can take three weeks right now. And, in the meantime, between handling all my responsibilities and life, I end up losing interest or not responding as frequently as they'd like. I also can't talk to multiple people at the same time.

I've had luck in dating, and I know my appearance isn't the problem - but I just find the entire thing tiring and complicated. But I'm 22 and don't want to waste time.

How did/do you navigate dating apps? What is your strategy, being traditional and wanting to vet casual daters? Any tips/criticism of what I'm doing currently is welcome and appreciated! Men that lurk here, I'd also appreciate the perspective from the other side & what is desired usually.

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One-Introduction-566 · 2023-04-09T22:11:24+00:00

I’m your age and just got on a bit ago and rn am seeing a few people for 3+ dates. I only meet them in public , if they are still around and ok with that after a few dates I usually feel they are more serious. I do live in the south so men are pretty respectful, offer to pick me up, open the car door, pay which is nice. I went on like 11 different dates and then stopped seeing any new people

Title	Online Dating, Conversations & First Dates: How to handle it all?
Author	templilwitch
Upvotes	7
Comments	22
Date	April 8, 2023 7:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/12fv9zg/online_dating_conversations_first_dates_how_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/online-dating-conversations-first-dates-how-to.1213683 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213683

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