Simple Questions | RedPillWomen

AutoModerator · 2017-10-01T15:08:38+00:00

Have a simple question? Ask it here! This is a thread for any question that doesn't require its own post. Feel free to ask anything: advice, clarification...

[–][deleted] [score hidden] 8 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Cardiscappa[score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] [score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor[score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor[score hidden] 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor[score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

My husband and I do a "check-in" type of ritual at the end of every day, where we talk about what we've done that day, and what our upcoming plans are, and discuss stuff that needs to be done.

Keeping each other fully in the loop is one of the things we enjoy bonding over, but it also sounds very utilitarian when put into words, I think.

I'd rather have a stronger will to do things

A stronger will could be a double-edged sword at times, in my experience anyway.

None of my exes liked my "strong will" because that makes me intolerant of spontaneous "fun". I'm flexible when unexpected situations arise, but I absolutely resent being expected to just drop everything I've planned, to do something else, just because my partner didn't "feel like it".

Thankfully, my husband finds that attractive about me lol He likes that I'm dependable and true to my word when I give it. He also prefers to plan and discuss everything in advance.

[–]girlwithabikeEndorsed Contributor[score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] [score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]carefreevermillion2 Star[score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]bioemerl[score hidden] 8 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Cardiscappa[score hidden] 8 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]bioemerl[score hidden] 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I see a lot of the ideals of MGTOW as "women are out to get you". There is a level of hopelessness or assumption that the reason one should be MGTOW is that it is in women's nature to do the things that make dating not worthwhile. "All women are whores who just want your money and will leave in a moment's notice if you can't make any money."

There is also a weird political threat going on. It seems almost like a lot of MGTOW is in protest of society and seeking to change it through stepping away, rather than simply being an individual and living to the best of who you can be. I've seen people try to get others banned from communities by saying "I'm leaving if you don't get rid of this other person" and I'm not a fan of that vibe either.

As to the question of if I would want a long term companion, it isn't a question I can really answer. The motivations at play are way deeper and more complex than I can predict. Currently, I am not seeking out any relationships, because I see more risk in doing so than I see benefit, especially when there are people out there who will smile and give a great impression before they smash everything into the dust. I've also had bigger and more important things to focus on.

[–]Cardiscappa[score hidden] 8 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I see a lot of the ideals of MGTOW as "women are out to get you". There is a level of hopelessness or assumption that the reason one should be MGTOW is that it is in women's nature to do the things that make dating not worthwhile. "All women are whores who just want your money and will leave in a moment's notice if you can't make any money."

Unfortunately that does have a bit of truth. There's plenty of cases were the make gets just raked over the coals. I know a few personally.

There is also a weird political threat going on. It seems almost like a lot of MGTOW is in protest of society and seeking to change it through stepping away, rather than simply being an individual and living to the best of who you can be. I've seen people try to get others banned from communities by saying "I'm leaving if you don't get rid of this other person" and I'm not a fan of that vibe either.

There's always drama in communities. There was drama here a few days ago. People have different views and different ideas on how and what should be adhered to and that causes conflict, especially on highly emotional subjects like relationships. I don't believe MGTOW itself is very large, the main MGTOW channels on YouTube are less than 20k. I think TFM has more, but doesn't show his subs. SocialBlade says 26k.

Currently, I am not seeking out any relationships, because I see more risk in doing so than I see benefit, especially when there are people out there who will smile and give a great impression before they smash everything into the dust. I've also had bigger and more important things to focus on.

Here proves that it's a legitimate trend. Now you have to think if being in a relationship with a woman who will smash you and your family into the dust is beneficial to society or is it more beneficial to be alone, possibly forever, while waiting for a woman who will truly build you up.

[–]bioemerl[score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Cardiscappa[score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh, on the "getting people banned by leaving" I was trying to make an analogy, with society being the community and MGTOW being the person making drama.

Ah, I get you. I wouldn't say that living a lifestyle for your own un-selfish benefit is drama. Western Society doesn't build men up, so why should men want to stay in a game with jeering teammates that will ensure they lose?

As for the cases where the guy gets fucked over, I agree there are many cases, but I do not agree that it is in women's nature to fuck over men, but a result of culture and law and environment. There are women who will fuck you over (in a bad way), but "not all women".

No, of course not, but we're living in a time were traditional family structure behaviour is being de-incentivised.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm-FqtAOSB8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GklCBvS-eI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KE-urLVdI-8

The problem is that it's hard to tell the difference.

Yup, but there are tells.

[–]RainbowKitty77[score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]MetalDevils 1 points1 points1 points 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

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[–]mabeol[score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh boy, that's a tough, important question. I won't pretend to be the final authority on this subject, and this is far from a comprehensive dissection, but I do have some thoughts to share, having been in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Painting with a broad brush, I think it comes down to a man's goal when he communicates with you. If his goal is to communicate a concept to you (i.e. "I was hurt by what you said," or "I think a different dress would be more flattering," or "I've noticed you've been kind of weepy lately and I'm concerned"), that's healthy. If his goal is to make you feel bad/insecure (i.e. "You are such a bitch for saying that," or "You look fat/ugly/like shit in that dress," or "You're insane and you need mental help/what is wrong with you?"), that's abusive.

Granted, those examples are kind of extreme. No one is a perfect communicator, and it's very easy to say something with good intentions that comes off wrong, but I think, if you're being really honest with yourself, it's pretty easy to tell if someone's intentions come from a place of honesty and kindness and wanting to communicate something/solve a problem, versus a place of wanting to hurt you or tear you down.

One of my examples above comes from my own life. In my last relationship, I was going through a rough couple of weeks due to major stress at work leading to poor self care. When I confided in my ex-SO, he told me, "You need to stop being so lazy all the time. I'm really sick of seeing you take so little initiative." This made me cry harder, which led to him telling me I was weak and needed psychological help. I went through a similar situation recently, and my current SO said, "Okay, well, how about you take some time to cook healthy lunches on Sunday afternoon and set a bedtime goal for the week? Then we can see how you're feeling in a week or two. Do you think you might want to see a counselor for a little bit?" I started crying a little more, and he said, "Hey, it's okay. You're going to be okay. You know what you need to do. You're going to be just fine."

Both of them knew that some self care steps would help me feel a lot better and they both recognized that it was well within my power to make myself feel better and made sure I knew it. But their approaches were completely different. My ex tried to tear me down. My SO built me up.

For what it's worth, I think this applies to both men and women. I could be wrong about this, but I think it's easier for women to hide cruel intentions and thus hard for guys to spot it in their partners. I have a guy friend whose partner regularly says things with the goal of tearing him down and he still doesn't understand that that's where his misery is coming from.

[–]SirKolbath[score hidden] 8 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

I'm not sure if this is a simple question or not. I would like to know how women and men here draw the line between masculine or dominant and abusive.

When I realized I was Dominant, I had to sit down and reconcile the behavior with the abuse I witnessed my mom suffering when I was a child. What makes my slapping a woman's face during sex different than my mother's ex boyfriend striking her?

The difference I came to is that it is a question of choice. My submissives choose, consciously, to submit to me. They trust me. Some of the things I do to them may hurt. Under no circumstances whatsoever will anything I do ever cause injury.

This is why I don't drink or do any form of drugs, and also why I don't use safe words. My responsibility is to know my submissive's limits and to respect them. Using a safe word means 'I can be thinking about a baseball game or work and not focused on her because she'll tell me if she gets pushed too far.' Balderdash!

Safe words are like oil lights in your car. By the time the oil light comes on, the oil is already lower than it should ever be. By the time a sub uses a safe word, you've already pushed her beyond where she should be pushed.

I know everyone makes their own deal breakers, just as everyone finds different traits attractive. So I am interested in learning how women decide it's time to go and how men decide it's time to change.

Almost as important is that a man needs to understand where his strengths are and where they are not. I once dated a mechanic. I'm reasonably handy around a set of tools, but she had a certification and worked fifty hours a week for a repair shop. When my car broke down, I asked her what the hell was wrong with it. That was her area of expertise. I'd have been a fool to tell her, "I'm the man, sweetie. You sit there and look pretty. I'll fix this."

I am many things, but fool is not one of them. Far too many men set themselves up for failure by letting ego get in the way of pride. Pride is an honest emotion. It is the realization that you are good at something. It is self respect. Ego, on the other hand, is hubris. It is arrogance. It is self esteem.

Additionally what female behaviors do you think are abusive? And men when do you know you are dealing with an abusive woman?

The common misperception is that women are generally less physically abusive. This is incorrect. Men generally fail to report physical abuse because it is embarrassing to them. Furthermore, multiple videos of social experiments are available on YouTube where actors portray a fight between a man and a woman. When the woman beats the man, no one notices or cares. Should he raise his fists to her, even in defense, bystanders immediately leap to protect her from the brute.

Women are classic experts at emotional manipulation. My ex wife, for example, currently has possession of my grandfather's antique desk that is meaningful to me. She has alternatively threatened to burn it, sell it in a garage sale, or leave it on the curb. Last time we emailed I told her that I was sick of her abusive behavior and if she contacted me again I'd file a harassment charge against her.

She may end up destroying that desk. I won't say that it is fine, but to be blunt; I do not negotiate with terrorists. Destroying or threatening to destroy objects of sentimental value to someone is a classic abusive behavior.

Don't forget that women also use sex as a weapon. My personal rule now is that if a woman doesn't initiate sex at least once out of every three times, I gradually start phasing her out of my life. I'm not interested in a dead bedroom, and I'm not interested in constantly having to "persuade" my partner to engage in a physically pleasurable activity. If she's that uninterested in me, I'll free her up to find another man she'll be more enticed by.

[–][deleted] [score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]SirKolbath[score hidden] 8 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]DicklessforDuarte1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–][deleted] [score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]MetalDevils1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]durtykneesEndorsed Contributor[score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Most people who are abusive do not think of themselves as abusive, either because:

they are unable or unwilling to empathize, either thinking they "know what's best" for someone else, or simply lacking enough intellect to understand a different point of view
they degenerate to their base male/female nature mindlessly, without considering any consequences
they hate themselves, so they project it on others to have an external "target" for that hatred. They "feel good" when they feel superior after trampling someone else down, whether done emotionally or physically

It's often hard for people to change, because people are creatures of habit and often fearful of change.

While it's compassionate and admirable to allow a partner some time for self-improvement, it was always just wishful thinking in my experience with my exes, but this is just my experience. I'm sure others can make it work, but if I were to advice younger versions of myself, I'd say "just walk away, because every year you wait is a year wasted on the wrong person".

[–]MetalDevils1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor[score hidden] 8 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It may be overly simplified, but rather than breaking actions into categories it is much easier to distiguish the difference between dominance and abuse as your experience of it.

Let's take BDSM as an example to illustrate my point: it is easy to dismiss physical violence as abuse, but the existence of BDSM proves that physical violence is not necessarily, in every case, the same as abuse. To put it quite simply, you are not being abused if you enjoy what is happening to you.

In general people can have moments when they are angry. But in general, ask yourself if you are happy. If you feel like you are managing your relationship all the time, or feel like you rather not go home at the end of the day, then maybe it is not the best one for you. A good relationship should bring you up and make your life better, not be a constant source of dread.

I hope that helps.

[–]MetalDevils1 point 8 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]mmac593H[score hidden] 8 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

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Title	Simple Questions
Author	AutoModerator
Upvotes	9
Comments	32
Date	October 1, 2017 3:08 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/73m4q8/simple_questions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/simple-questions.73514 https://theredarchive.com/post/73514

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