Struggling with Emotions

TheBunk_TB · 2022-08-29T13:16:09+00:00

"He had woken up early from night shift "

Rational observation: He might have been a bit groggy still

Ruffleafewfeathers · 2022-08-29T08:02:42+00:00

First off, I would apologize to your husband for acting the way you did, since you know that wasn’t appropriate.

But It sounds like you are putting your happiness on his shoulders when really, you are in charge of it. Are you doing things for yourself that make you happy regularly? Are you doing things just for you? I’m guessing not.

Laura Doyle talks about this a lot in her books and on her podcast, but I would suggest doing things every day that fill your emotional cup. Maybe it’s getting an overpriced but delicious drink at Starbucks or doing your favorite hobby or getting your nails done or going for a peaceful walk in nature (etc.) but make sure you’re doing things purely for your own enjoyment and you’ll find you won’t be putting that pressure on your husband.

Teacup000 · 2022-08-29T13:02:35+00:00

I struggle with the same feelings. Preparing and sharing food was a huge way we showed love to each other growing up in my family and it stings when my husband acts differently.

You've done so much of the work already. You know your reaction in the moment and the emotions that arise detract from how you treat your husband, and you want this to change. You just need to keep your mouth closed while your hamster runs its course. You can bring up the issue once you've calmed down and re-balanced your thoughts, or you can let it go. It's so much nicer to air grievances in this state.

At least, that's as far in the process as I've gotten. It has its issues. Sometimes, when I bring up something that bothered me earlier that day or week, my husband wishes I had said something sooner. Sometimes he asks me what's wrong and I can't bring myself to speak. All I can tell him is that I'm just not ready yet. I wish I could temper my emotions instantly.

I can't stand the feeling of negative emotion clouding my judgement when I speak to him. My mother said hurtful things to me when she was upset growing up that she later said she didn't mean; I desperately wish to avoid adopting that habit. I might be going too far.

WordsinaWhisper · 2022-08-29T14:11:47+00:00

tell him about this internal struggle. everything you just told us, tell him. having some context about WHY you did that, and how conflicted you are about your emotion regulation helps a LOT. i have had to do this with my wife. the context helps give an understanding and also helps her spot triggers and say to me, “wait, are you REALLY mad? or is this just you mishandling emotions again?” it helps.

Jenneapolis · 2022-08-30T01:28:58+00:00

Emotional agility is a great book. It doesn’t focus specifically on romantic relationships, just about emotional regulation in general. It helped me a lot. But really the best thing for this for me is self-care.

VyckyD · 2022-08-29T07:57:42+00:00

Aim for regulation and not repression when it comes to your emotions. You can see the impact that your emotions have on your loved one and you can take steps to have a better outcome in the future. How to regulate your emotions is for each individual to figure out, but I find taking deep breaths and keeping track of my feelings in a written medium helps.

sunglasses90 · 2022-08-29T11:54:38+00:00

What hours do you work? Can you cook for him more? It sucks that he has to cut into sleep and go outside the house to feed himself if you are available to cook.

It sounds like he has a tough schedule and that’ll create resentment. I’d try to schedule in at least one meal a day together. Eating together is a bonding experience. You try to take the lead on that.

Ruffleafewfeathers · 2022-08-29T08:02:53+00:00

First off, I would apologize to your husband for acting the way you did, since you know that wasn’t appropriate.

But It sounds like you are putting your happiness on his shoulders when really, you are in charge of it. Are you doing things for yourself that make you happy regularly? Are you doing things just for you? I’m guessing not.

Laura Doyle talks about this a lot in her books and on her podcast, but I would suggest doing things every day that fill your emotional cup. Maybe it’s getting an overpriced but delicious drink at Starbucks or doing your favorite hobby or getting your nails done or going for a peaceful walk in nature (etc.) but make sure you’re doing things purely for your own enjoyment and you’ll find you won’t be putting that pressure on your husband.

aslanhatessmeagol · 2022-08-30T03:25:28+00:00

Men cant understand women 100% and same goes to women. Tell him what you feel about it. Do not be afraid to tell what you want. He probably thought you wouldnt mind. I understand how you feel because i can be very sensitive about this kind of thing too. Let him know.I hope he will understand and remember.

2022-08-30T19:28:25+00:00

I think it's fine to be irritated by this! It sounds like this is a meal that you normally have together, and it's natural to be annoyed if he bought himself food without getting anything for you or giving you a heads-up.

It doesn't make him a bad guy, it just makes him human.

But like you said, your reaction was kind of over the top. For getting a handle on runaway emotions, I really liked the book Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy. The title sounds silly, I know. But it's about cognitive behavioral therapy and explains how to get past the false narratives we tell ourselves (like your thing about "he doesn't care about me).

Title	Struggling with Emotions
Author	cohost3
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	August 29, 2022 6:54 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/x0hyxm/struggling_with_emotions/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/struggling-with-emotions.1130903 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130903

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