Surrendering and planning a wedding

StingrayVC · 2015-09-18T20:09:41+00:00

When family butts in you reply something along the lines of, "I'll consider that." and then you do whatever the hell you want. Seriously. It is your wedding and, more importantly, it is your marriage. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO and forget about what everyone else thinks is best (you being your fiance and you).

Also, and more importantly, this is only one day. People will tell you it is the most important day of your life, but all it really is is the beginning. The marriage is the thing. Focus on that. The less concerned you are, the more fun you are going to have, and believe it or not, the more fun everyone around you is going to have as well.

There is a scene in Little Women where Meg gets married. It always stood out to me. Meg wants a simple wedding and her more advent guard friends are a bit surprised at the simplicity but politely don't mention it. They are then surprised when the wedding is the most charming and beautiful they have ever attended because it focused on the family and the marriage.

The other stuff is just filler. Don't stress about it.

EDIT: While my details were a little off, here is an excerpt:

There were to be no ceremonious performances, everything was to be as natural and homelike as possible, so when Aunt March arrived, she was scandalized to see the bride come running to welcome and lead her in, to find the bridegroom fastening up a garland that had fallen down, and to catch a glimpse of the paternal minister marching upstairs with a grave countenance and a wine bottle under each arm.

Upon my word, here's a state of things! cried the old lady, taking the seat of honor prepared for her, and settling the folds of her lavender moire with a great rustle. You oughtn't to be seen till the last minute, child.

I'm not a show, Aunty, and no one is coming to stare at me, to criticize my dress, or count the cost of my luncheon. I'm too happy to care what anyone says or thinks, and I'm going to have my little wedding just as I like it. John, dear, here's your hammer. And away went Meg to help `that man' in his highly improper employment.

. . . .

After lunch, people strolled about, by twos and threes, through the house and garden, enjoying the sunshine without and within. Meg and John happened to be standing together in the middle of the grass plot, when Laurie was seized with an inspiration which put the finishing touch to this unfashionable wedding.

All the married people take hands and dance round the new-made husband and wife, as the Germans do, while we bachelors and spinsters prance in couples outside!

. . . .

That is the prettiest wedding I've been to for an age, Ned, and I don't see why, for there wasn't a bit of style about it, observed Mrs. Moffat to her husband, as they drove away.

Washiface · 2015-09-18T20:19:26+00:00

It's ok if you don't enjoy planning your wedding. I am a really laid back person and had a relatively low key wedding. However, things got mad. The day before my wedding I had to start my day with a glass of wine. Two days before I had a break down and started crying in the beauty salon because my mom had booked me in for the wrong type of manicure. I had to write a facebook status telling everybody not to contact me with anything that had a '?' on the end. I found a lot of women in my family and friendship group had had the same experience! Getting married can turn the best of us ladies into total brats. I enjoyed planning the wedding AT FIRST but a few months before the wedding all anyone wanted to talk to me about was 'wedding'. I bridal tantrummed before the big walk down the aisle (my male cousin was insisting on walking down the aisle with his bridesmaid daughter because she has a nut allergy). But my family and bridesmaids were so solid and there for me. As soon as I walked into the venue and saw everyone's smiling faces all the stress went and it genuinely was the happiest day of my life. I get teary when I see people getting married on tv because I won't ever get to do it all again! Elders in my family had said to me, you may not enjoy your wedding day, you'll be super tired, but that's Okay. But luckily I had a really good time, as I'd worked so hard to make it a great party (important to me as a Brit!) it didn't end up being 100% perfect, I left my bridal lingerie at home. Yes I cried again! So I would say to you, don't worry if you get stressed and turn into bridezilla, a lot of us ladies do. Your bridal team and planner will come in handy to take the brunt of your aggro so your husband to be doesn't see your most brutal side! The more pressure you put on yourself to have fun and be a vision of a blissful bride, the more stressed you will get. I guess it's similar to having a baby, it's tempting to be the perfect vision of a wonderful mother with a newborn - and a lot of mothers feel guilt that it's actually quite tiring and stressful. I would recommend that close to the wedding you appoint your maid of honour as the go-to for people asking questions about the wedding. I got so stressed because my phone was full of messages from various cousins asking where the venue was and what they should wear. Also take a mild sleeping tablet the night before because trust me, you will not sleep! Congratulations on your engagement. Bridal madness aside, being married is the best feeling.

WhimsicalWonderland · 2015-09-18T20:49:07+00:00

First of all, congratulations on the engagement and starting the next chapter of your lives!

I'm currently in the same boat as you with wedding planning, but I am super excited. Of course, at the same time nervous and stressed from what can, could, and would go wrong.

From the advice that a lot of my friends gave, some things are bound to go wrong. But you know... so what? Who cares if a flower is missing from the centerpiece? Or if a napkin is folded wrong? In the end, you guys are celebrating your marriage, and you will be able to spend the rest of your days with the love of your life. In the grand scheme of things, all the little details are really not a big deal.

You are absolutely lucky to have a wedding planner to take care of all the little details! Enjoy the experience of looking at all the shiny and beautiful things, and enjoying all of the occasions with your family and friends. Don't be hung up on decision making since your wedding planner will likely make final decisions anyways. When other people keep sending you pictures to look at, just dismiss them by saying you'll show them to your wedding planner. Once they know that their suggestions are being considered, they usually won't press further. You never have to get back to them on whether or not you have decided to go with their choices. Remember that it is YOU and your FIANCE's day. Not theirs.

At the end of the day, don't stress (this will only make you look more fatigued anyway)! You guys will only be engaged once. Take advantage of calling each other fiancé/fiancée! Enjoy this as an experience and an adventure that you are having with your SO moreso than an experience that will make you feel pressured and anxious!

Lanfear57 · 2015-09-19T02:19:56+00:00

I think getting a planner is a brilliant decision. I wish I had, because stress sends my planning abilities down the drain. Just about everything that could go wrong, did, except that everyone who was coming made it on time, and no one passed out or got sick. So I really felt like I had dropped the ball, worried the whole time that the people I invited weren't having a good time when I should have just been enjoying having everyone there to celebrate my husband and I making our commitment legal and public.

Something I read in a comic, which I really wish I had taken more to heart, is that "you aren't putting on a show for them". Let the wedding planner put on a show for you, and just make sure to have fun with everyone. If something goes wrong, well, there will be memories to laugh about down the line. And you can always pin it on the planner :-p

FleetingWish · 2015-09-19T04:02:39+00:00

I still find myself extremely anxious for how things will turn out, whether it will be "good enough" or not

Good enough for who?

TheOuterRing · 2015-09-20T03:54:11+00:00

"the biggest day of your lives"

That's the key though. It's not really.

Every day should be the best. If you have kids, it will be the best. You might go on a vacation and have a day more romantic than your wedding. Your 25th anniversary might be your happiest.

Understand that this day is nothing more than a celebration of a new family being created, and everything after that is more wonderful than the past (Obviously it's special, but if you obsess over how special it is, you are ruining future moments by thinking something in your past can't be trumped). Repeat a mantra, "This is day is about the two of us. No one else. It's about our happiness. Whatever happens...happens. There is literally no reason to stress as long as he is by my side - because that's what this is about. Just celebrating us."

Who cares if the cake hits the floor if a wedding crasher comes through. Sure, that'd be really damn annoying, but so what? It's just a cake. Go buy one from the grocery, take some goofy pictures, and laugh about it. Hell, you'd probably get it for free. What if all the invitations get sent to the wrong places? Again, so what. Just text them or re-do them. Make it into a joke.

Don't try to control anything. Just realize that all you are doing is inviting people, getting some food ordered, buying a beautiful dress and getting your hair done. And at the end, a person will take photos of you. People make this more stressful than they need because they forget that the day is not for anyone other than the couple. It's when you start to let other people pressure you with the wedding that it will get stressed. This day isn't about them.

Just remember that it is about the two of you. Life happens. Life can suck at times. But the silver lining is you are now not going to have to face that alone. Focus on that.

Title	Surrendering and planning a wedding
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	11
Date	September 18, 2015 7:48 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3lh0s8/surrendering_and_planning_a_wedding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/surrendering-and-planning-a-wedding.166456 https://theredarchive.com/post/166456

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