EDIT: A lot has been learned/figured out. 1—My personality not looks were the problem; rather than being attracted to me, people are jealous of him/me/us and are trying to sabotage us. 2—Our age difference and the fact I am a stepmom with non-bio kids bothers people. Thread is resolved. Things were done yesterday. I've moved on with a new post.

Dear RPW,

I'm respectfully seeking your help and advice.

I have been with my husband for close to 14 years (since I was 19). An ongoing issue in our relationship is the attention I attract from other men.

You'd think I was wearing tiny dresses and being overtly sexual but I am shy and uncomfortable revealing skin. I haven't worn shorts in public since I was 15 or so.

I make it obvious that I am "with" my husband when we are in public. When not velcro'd to him, I reference him in my conversations.

I was told that this would stop/lessen as I grew older but I'm finding the reverse to be true. It is so disruptive and very difficult for my husband to deal with.

The attention falls into two categories:

  • Strangers (okay, such is life)
  • Acquaintances/colleagues or friends — I eradicated males from my social life long ago and I'm lucky enough to work for a female now...so I'm not talking about my friends, it's ours/his. It's insane. The more people find out about our relationship the more they think they can have the same by having me or worse "saving" me.

I have seen how much all of this upsets and hurts my husband (and why wouldn't it—he loses friends). I have seen the stress of having to "defend my honour" first hand.

Over the last two years, in an attempt to make this stop, I have started to try tactics to make myself more "invisible" per se. But how do I reconcile this with being a true RPW.

I would like to be attractive to my husband and be well groomed. But how can I if I still attract attention with my glasses on, drowning in shapeless men's sweaters, sporting un-groomed eyebrows, no makeup, wild hair. My femininity has been usurped.

I know what this attention is: it's jealously, and it's the hunt. I have my head on straight and no promises and flattery can trick me. I have a ~14 year relationship and it's worth so much to me.

Should I bite the bullet and go back to pretty, possibly causing my husband a world of stress? I worry though that my unattractiveness—intended to put off others—will invariably put him off.

Thank-you.