Weekly Self Reflection Thread: 22/2/2016

LadyOneEarth · 2016-02-22T14:29:20+00:00

Good:

-Managed to STFU for the whole day, which went pleasantly well. We went shopping for a bday gift, and usually shopping means picking a fight because he wants to hurry and I want to look at everything so I suggested we separate for an hour so I could shop calmly while he went to the electronics store. He was fine with it and we didn't fight at all. We didn't get a gift but he said he would look for one today so I'm leaving that to him.

Going an extra mile with sex, everything is good.
Realized some core aspects of relationships and it's too big of a wall of text to write here but I'm starting to understand why things aren't going so well. Even with all the talk about surrendering, I didn't. I kept worrying about the future and what not even if I stopped complaining. I realized I really just have to take care of myself and let SO do the rest - how to get money for a house and a wedding, etc. I also realized that even with my SO saying he wants to marry me, he hasn't popped the question: I think it's not just about money issues, although he loves me, he probably doesn't want to marry a nagging girlfriend. Either way, that is none of my business. I just really do have to focus on myself, to be the most pleasant person I can be and the rest will fall into place on it's own (whatever outcome that might be). That is the new meaning I'm seeing with surrendering - not take it on me to make ALL the plans. I should work on how to make more money so we both have more freedom to attain our objectives, take better care of myself and show my boyfriend how much I love him but it's my boyfriend's job to plan how and when things will happen. Trying to tackle those core tasks on my own is not my job. It creates expectation and resentment that leads to nagging and "why is everything not perfect!!!????".

I probably have been a pain in the ass to be around and saying O want to surrender without surrendering is just talking the talk but not walking the walk. Meh.

Bad & ugly:

Not getting enough sleep means ugly eye bags and my diet is dead. Have to get back on track asap because this is bad.

littleteafox · 2016-02-22T16:33:44+00:00

The Good:

Was still glowing after a lovely Valentine's day weekend with my boyfriend.
After martial arts class last week one of my classmates had an emotional breakdown from the stress of our upcoming rank test. Sensei was not there so my boyfriend, who was the highest rank present, took charge and was able to lead/guide them through their breakdown and convince them to not give up. A group of us stayed after class to offer support and my bf was in true 'patient, wise counselor' mode, it was rather hypnotic for me haha. He would make such a great father. I made a point to tell him how much I admired him for how he handled the situation.
We spent some time in ocean city this past weekend which was nice. Discovered a couple new restaurants and I'm sure I gained a couple lbs over the weekened from a delicious carbonara, but it was worth it.
I noticed how much he enjoys taking care of me. He even outright says it. I love it.

Bad

Pasta deliciousness nomnomnom. Need to burn that off. If only I wasn't so...
Lethargic thanks to my period. Yesterday and today it's taking everything I've got to just not put my head down and pass out. Just so darn tired and my head feels like it's full of sand. So annoying.

Random thoughts I've noticed a funny little feeling that keeps me motivated to be the best girlfriend I can possibly be. For sure the majority of my motivation is to please him and make him happy because I love him, but there's another.. uhh competitive streak. Does anyone else get that? Like "I wanna be the girlfriend that makes all his male friends jealous of him! I'm gonna put their girlfriends to shame! Muahhahahaa...." Am I just a weirdo?

fhigurethisout · 2016-02-22T07:15:44+00:00

The Good:

coping with my habibi (lol) being away. Missing him madly…three weeks to go! But I spent lots of time working and with friends. Planned my girl friend’s baby shower and went shopping for some hiking gear with my girlfriends. We are going to do an overnight winter hike in two weeks. Super stoked! So honestly, I'm happy with how I'm handling our separation. after reading about how some ladies around here have gone 6+ months separated from their partners...well, a month is nothing. :p
exercised every day this week. OH yess. :D
ate really well and tracked my calories on MFP :D
sleeping moreee! 8 hours a night except one night where i only got six.

The bad:

realizing I'm too reliant on caffeine. :( I should stop, esp because of acid reflux. but the inner battle is that I really don't want to stop...which brings me to the next point...
overdue for a doctor’s appointment. my acid reflux has gotten really bad and my voice is quite hoarse. i also missed an appraisal…I had a small meltdown over my forgetfulness since it cost me quite a bit of money, but it isn’t a huge deal in the longrun, as long as it gets done!
had anxiety on one of the mornings when my SO wasn’t responding in India. However, that sorted out pretty quickly!

The ugly:

honestly, nothing has been overly ugly this week. I really feel like I took a genuine step forward, and that this week will be even better! :D

PixieDelights · 2016-02-22T19:07:47+00:00

"Thank you for being so much more tolerable this year. I feel silly saying that, but really you have been much more pleasant to be around lately", said my husband.

The Good: Progress is being made! The bad: Tolerable is not the end goal. So there is more progress to be made. The ugly: Being told I have been tolerable excited me. Yeah, that was how bad I had gotten.

In other news, it has been great having him lead on the finances. We have put back an extra 20% so far this month over what we had done last month total. He has a new tracking method/spreadsheet that he is going to start next month that seems a lot easier and more clear.

My aunt and grandmother watched Z yesterday so we could go see Deadpool. We did this VIP experience downtown with some friends, and it was amazing. Full sized theater, limited seating, large reclining chairs, a decent menu. I cheated on my diet to have chips and queso dip. The seats were great for cuddling, and it was nice being out without Z for the first time in forever.

Working on: Maintaining being more pleasant and saying yes to sex more often. I had started off great with the sex, but I realized last night I was getting bad about saying "No" again.

redpowderdivinity · 2016-02-22T09:25:22+00:00

Yayyyy for posting this thread so early! It's mid-Monday here now and earlier I've had to write to these things in the Tuesday mornings.

So this is from my last week's self reflection post:

Goals for this week: Kick ass in a job interview, remember to STFU about sex, exercise vigorously.

1/3 achieved, I think that I did kick ass in the job interview. Should receive call about that tomorrow. But yeah, was not able STFU and also got really sick so did not exercise after Wednesday. Last week was not maybe the best ever... I had for example some problems in letting go of control and trusting and especially acquiring and practicing patience. Fortunately these did not come out as very bitchy, I'm satisfied with the control I have of my tone and choice of words nowadays.

But on the bright side I learned a ton about myself last week and about how to be a deferring lady to my SO and I'm sure this will get easier with time. We also had an amazing night together in an event before I got sick. I've also never been this non-desperate while being sick which is a huge improvement. I also started to write a diary! I'm really looking forward to writing my thoughts down, I think it will make the continuous process of self-improvement a bit more easier for me.

Goals for this week: learn patience damn it

littleteafox · 2016-02-22T13:42:21+00:00

the good

Diet has been great
Sobriety has been great
Yoga has been great
SO and I have been on cloud nine. Celebrated 3 months last night so things have been moving along swimmingly. Last night I realized that this man, even through the differences, we just work.
SO had to work all weekend and I helped him with some things to make his life a little easier because he didn't have time. I didn't shove it in his face to get acknowledgement but he still noticed and thanked me for helping him. Knowing that I helped him out was its own reward but this man keeps showing me every single time just how much he cares about me. I usually am the type of person to say "hey I did this for you......" but I am breaking that habit because I just want to be kind to be kind not to be seen as kind. If that makes any sense.
The power of 'yes' has been in full effect. I have been trying to manage the rules to this thing though. 1. if it directly contradicts my ethics 2. if it directly conflicts with a prior 'yes' 3. if it is just physically impossible. I think those are some pretty good rules to follow.
Worked on my crochet yoga mat bag. almost done with it so excited.

The bad

I need to work on filling up empty time. Right now I default to going to sleep but that throws off my sleep schedule and isn't good for me psychologically. I've been trying to do crochet but then I fall asleep in bed. lol
I've postponed some step work for aa since my sponsor was out of town and am now doing it the day before. It wasn't really intensive work but I shouldn't be procrastinating like this.

The ugly

Got into huge argument with mom
Got speeding ticket in order to get mom out of car faster. YIKES!

LauraXVII · 2016-02-22T16:04:41+00:00

Oh boy do I have an update this week....

The Good

Me and the ex are almost back together after a six month break. I'd somehow managed to convince myself that this guy who I have so much in common with and who I was almost inseparable from even though we'd broken up wasn't Laura's captain material when actually it was me that wasn't first mate material. I've been thinking about it for a while and we've discussed this in great detail for the last couple of days and we're almost at the point where it's "official" again

He had some concerns about it, but we've gone through them all and addressed them and we each have a list of things that we could improve on in this next relationship (mine is a lot longer than his, but mostly boils down to don't be a dick). We're off to Iceland next week, which we booked before we broke up, and I'm so happy that's how we're starting Relationship 2.0!!!

The Bad/The Ugly

There isn't any, life is beautiful!!! (Apart from the fact that my car is dead again)

PixieDelights · 2016-02-22T17:04:22+00:00

Good: We're halfway done remodeling our kitchen! We got the paint up, new shelving, and half of the tile down. This weekend is our annual chili cookoff so we won't be working on it this weekend, but next weekend we will finish the tiling and do the backsplash, then we're done! So excited. :) I'm extra proud of it because everyone kept saying that home remodels will destroy your relationship, but I feel like it's been good for us, honestly - we made the decisions together, did the work together, and we'll enjoy the rewards together.

Bad: I only went to yoga once last week because of all of the painting in the evenings, and I am feeling the results of that. When I quit going to yoga, I quit keeping up with the other things I do to maintain my frame of mind and attitude - it's a domino effect for me. This week I am adding a new long term class though, and attending an invite-only workshop, so I'll hopefully make up for lost time in the past week.

Ugly: I didn't cook dinner even one single time last week because the kitchen was all torn apart, which makes me feel super guilty. Probably headed for another week of that because my boyfriend decided to make some of his delicious pulled pork over the weekend, so that's portioned out which is fine and all, but I feel like I'm being neglectful when I don't cook. This weekend will be chili cookoff prep, which is interesting because only the men cook, I'm just there to run out for more beer and socialize. I do the cleanup though, and the last two years have resulted in finding chili in some very unexpected places - the ceiling, opposite walls, side of the refrigerator, etc... Oh, and I'm PMSing, so it's a good thing I will be at yoga all week!

VintageVee · 2016-02-25T16:09:59+00:00

Thanks for the article!

Good - hearing my man more and more and STFU more and more. It's getting to be second nature now and it feels GOOD. it's also quietened the worry hamster which is great. getting good feedback from him (he's not aware of what Im doing but it's definitely having effects). House work, diet, exercise and style on point this week because Ive been going to bed earlier so have more energy. Sex amazing as always. Children seem happier.

Bad - why is it not spring yet?! Lol. toooo cold. Only bad thing really was that I cried when SO did something very very sweet because it suddenly made me flash back to when my abusive exhusband did the exact opposite. I recovered quickly but I wish it hadnt happened. I dont have much of a hangover of issues left now that Ive worked through most of it for 3 years but that one little thing made the tears come. SO was sweet about it and enjoyed the opportunity to be protective apparently. Then told me Im the one and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. So there was an upshot :)

Nothing ugly, really, unless you count a zit!!!

ohheyydee · 2016-02-22T16:38:17+00:00

The good: • I have been cpokingn/ baking more. Feel free to recommend cooking supplies, going shopping for some soon. • got a part time job to help with the move! • Learned to pray more and worry less. The bad: • Still talking too much when he's doing something. • ate horribly :/ • Haven't expected the best from my SO , not trusting him to do the right thing. The ugly: I've been cursing a lot more due to my neighbors annoying dog. I need an old fashion bar of soap lol

For this upcoming week: I would like to drop at least 3 more lbs. Learn to be quiet. Bake 3 more desserts I've never made . Limit my profanity. Hope all you ladies have a great week.

[deleted] · 2016-02-22T20:21:23+00:00

Good:

It was a massively hectic week - I called yesterday to book a mover's appointment and they were able to fit us in on the same day! Which was fine (we had my giant brother there to help move furniture) but very quick. There were also lots of deadlines and contractors and appointments. We did a great job of working together on house-prep stuff - huscat said that he felt like we were very 'team-y' which is a huge compliment from him.
I was relatively supportive while family were visiting - making time for couple-time, being assertive when family were being overbearing.

The bad: A lot :(

My sister and brother were BOTH visiting, which meant the house was full of people wanting to be heard. Huscat was being driven mad, as my brother is very socially incompetent. We made time for some daytime dates and also fled to the new apartment (even before it had furniture, haha!) but it was still very stressful, especially for him.
Very little sex! We're both exhausted, but we need to make time for it. That means I need to gussy up and be available.

The ugly:

My eating habits this week were...well, not shocking (I still stayed under my calorie/macro goals 5 days out of 7) but not good. I need to get back into the routine of prepping in advance!
My exercise routine also went out the window.

Plans for this week:

Get back to exercising, even when I spend the day moving furniture/running around doing errands
Stock the fridge well with lots of good, whole foods (chill out with the Quest bars, they're so bad for you!) and cook some simple meals
Steer clear of family social engagements when either I or huscat is not feeling up to it.

Trpidation · 2016-02-24T20:01:32+00:00

That article is excellent, lots of great info.

Something I also want to bring up: cooking. The old saying "the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach" has a lot of truth to it. While it isn't everything, of course, cooking meals for a man makes him feel much more masculine and he will appreciate the shit out of it and in turn, you. For me it brings up feelings similar to blowjobs; it's a feminine task that requires dedication and love, a man really can sense you care about him when you put time and effort into making a meal. If it's a great meal, even better. There's something about it that just says love and appreciation to a man. It's a powerful action, not to be underestimated.

Title	Weekly Self Reflection Thread: 22/2/2016
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	9
Comments	48
Date	February 22, 2016 7:04 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/46zprq/weekly_self_reflection_thread_2222016/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/weekly-self-reflection-thread-2222016.85998 https://theredarchive.com/post/85998

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