An askmen thread that talks about sexual attraction and the emotional repercussions that come from it. I just really want your opinion on it.

Wally_B · 2013-05-07T19:04:13+00:00

she should go. chicks stay with guys like us because we give and take, we tease a little bit to increase interest/attraction. it seems that all this dude is doing is taking and putting her down relentlessly. you can sleep with 500 chicks and still respect a woman as a person.

Zenyatoo · 2013-05-07T19:11:44+00:00

This sort of case is interesting in that it's one of those situations where there is a very emotional response and a very rational one.

The emotional response, which is natural, is that she shouldnt have to change to fit her boyfriend.

The logical response is similar but subtly different, is that she doesnt have to change to fit her boyfriend.

She needs to identify what she is receiving from the relationship. Is this man worth her investment into this relationship. (ignore what her weight is, or even what she looks like for a minute. Dont judge, be impartial) If she doesnt want to lose weight, dont, accept that the boyfriend isnt worth it to her, look for a different man. Part of being a person involves realizing that sometimes you have to take trade offs. If you want to be the weight you are, then be the weight you are, and deal with relationships knowing that you are the weight you are, and dont want to change that.

Reverse this situation. Imagine you are a guy who wants a girl, but she wants you to pay for everything. Every person on here would tell you that you have to evaluate if paying for everything is worth this girl. We'd ask you to make a logical decision regarding your attraction to your finances vs your attraction to this girl.

The same logic applies here. She must decide which is more important to her, the man, or the time/money/lack of stress that comes with not caring about your appearance as much.

Ultimately it's her decision. One only she can make for herself. We can tell her this, and tell her what we personally would do in this situation, but she should decide it for herself. If the guy isnt worth it, then he isnt worth it. Coping with that is something that has to be done if you want to lead a happy life.

EDIT: additionally. The man is in no way at fault here. He has specific attractions and is upfront about them. He has no responsibility to be physically attracted to her. He may be attracted to her personality, but again he's currently making a decision on whether or not that's worth what she looks like.

dropit_sphere · 2013-05-07T19:10:02+00:00

We obv. can't give a definitive answer on what she should do, but we can provide a good lens through which to see her situation.

First: One of the main lessons of the red pill (and you'd be surprised how earth-shattering this is to a lot of guys, self included) is that you can't make a guy do anything. Few subreddits are as hated as /r/theredpill, and few subreddits care as little about it. If the dude in the thread is serious, no amount of...well, anything, will change his mind.

So if she can't take it, she should walk.

Some things that might influence her decision:

1) Her weight, if it's an issue with this guy, will probably be an issue with most guys. (I noticed you said her current weight is ambiguous, so, yeah, don't know)
2) How attractive is she in general? The more attractive she is, the more I'd lean toward walking vs. staying. Leaving a relationship is easy. Finding a new one is not---unless you're smoking, in which case I guess it is.
3) I would venture to say that if we're not talking anorexic level here, this would be a good opportunity to fix some lifestyle issues
4) Desiring non-whales does not make men bad people---in fact, he may be totally willing to be her personal fitness coach. He may not have suggested this option because he can't imagine her liking the idea.

But yeah, overall, it doesn't sound good for her.

EDIT: from what I can tell, white women in Asia have a hard time, which means other options are probably rather meager.

thebears1986 · 2013-05-07T19:13:13+00:00

She will never be attracted to the guys who will love her forever unconditionally because of her personality. She isn't blameless in this situation. Those guys aren't even on her radar.

She has a decision to make: Follow her innate desire for short term gratification with the most alpha dude possible, or follow her innate desire for long term security. The likelihood of getting both from one guy is small.

theubercuber · 2013-05-07T19:06:14+00:00

In her comments she mentions they are expats in Asia. As many other guys here bring up, Asian girls are consistently much skinnier, hotter, and generally more feminine than their Western counterparts because they put that effort into keeping themselves fit and attractive and enjoy cooking and shit.

I think it's possible that he's being surrounded by all these skinny women and starting to think, "Why aren't I with a girl like that?" In his home country he may have just resigned himself to only having heavier girls available.

I think this girl is in a tough spot emotionally - but she does need to realize that she needs to maintain her SMV to hold on to her guy, or any guy in Asia for that matter. Unless she wants to go back to being a fat American slob, she needs to work on herself for her relationships regardless of this man.

The top comment in /r/AskMen says you should never change yourself to maintain a current relationship. And I honestly have to say I agree. If this guy has it in his head that she will always be a month and a few tacos away from being a fattie again, he may never be happy with her even if she does lose a lot of weight. I think the best course of action for her is to lose wait, hit the gym, and start fresh with a new guy.

MartialWay · 2013-05-07T21:54:10+00:00

Tough love. His honesty and standards may save her life someday. If they have kids, it will may save them from repeating her cycle of misery and poor health. For all the talk about anorexia, the diseases associated with obesity kill THOUSANDS of times as many in this country.

Her fear of him dumping her if she doesn't do what it takes to be attractive for him? The Red Pill is waking up every day, knowing that if you falter in any one of several categories, hypergamy may make her leave you.

redpillschool · 2013-05-07T19:13:08+00:00

At the end of the day, these are the risks inherent with trying to hook an alpha. The more alpha you target, the less likely they're going to put up with less than perfection.-- since they have options.

Ultimately, her issue is a lack of abundance mentality, which unfortunately has to be overcome within. That's a lesson we all learn as men.

MartialWay · 2013-05-08T00:20:21+00:00

Any shred of self esteem I had is gone, I am threatened by other women, I'm terrified that he'll leave me for a more beautiful female and I seek constant validation from other men that I am attractive

A lot of this is pure hamster. HE is making her seek constant validation from other men, and not her new sexy body?

Did he do it to the other billion women that do this too?

Darksider123 · 2013-05-07T20:36:12+00:00

I'll just copy/paste here. Though it's somewhat irrelevant, it's the other side of the story:

I just wanna point out that if guys were to fall in love with a (the technical term being) "thin girl", and after some years they gain weight, it's perfectly ok (by my standards) to lose attraction and even break-up. Because she won't be the girl you were physically attracted in the first place.

luxury_banana · 2013-05-07T21:55:19+00:00

(he's quite thin)

Interesting. It'd be informative to ask what kind of prospects she had from other guys before she met him. For example, maybe she rejected guys around her own size because she was not attracted to them and therefore would not have sex with them?

I can't say I'm really sympathetic though because if a fat guy is being rejected or dumped or given such an ultimatum no one sheds a tear. Possessing physical attractiveness is often a precondition to relationships even forming. It's biology and not something you can really do something about.

The guy was possibly slumming it up and accepted her in a moment or of weakness or something which makes him shitty because he was leading her on for some desperation sex or because he was lonely or something and she should probably leave but other than that I'm not going to make some kind of moral judgements here.

theblatherskyte · 2013-05-07T20:38:22+00:00

Wow. Even the guys here are siding with the woman. I expected better.

Yes, she lost the weight. Good on her, but if she wants the weight to stay gone she doesn't just need to change her behavior (eating lots of shitty food) she needs to change her personality (find out what makes her behave that way and change that.)

And being fat is bad for her, whether or not she has a boyfriend. She shouldn't be eating healthy and working out just to get a guy to stick around. She should be doing it so she doesn't drop dead of a heart attack at 50.

It's ironic also since just last night someone asked why guys that are shy/insecure/have low self esteem are told to act confident and the response was "here's why." I don't think it anyone needs to stretch their imagination to be convinced that obesity is worse for someone than being shy/introverted/insecure.

the only advice anyone should give her is to keep the weight off and get therapy for her obviously low sense of self esteem.

AFormidableOpponent · 2013-05-08T01:34:43+00:00

Who cares? Tell her to write a letter to Cosmo and let women's focus groups sort out that type of shit. This forum is for men.

Title	An askmen thread that talks about sexual attraction and the emotional repercussions that come from it. I just really want your opinion on it.
Author	cron_nin
Upvotes	17
Comments	25
Date	May 7, 2013 6:40 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1dvlhy/an_askmen_thread_that_talks_about_sexual/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/an-askmen-thread-that-talks-about-sexual.4267 https://theredarchive.com/post/4267

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