Ask Whisper: "How do I get attention while speaking?"

Hey Whisper,

Can you provide me with some advice on speech/conversational dominance?

Sure can. Yell even louder, and punch anyone in the mouth if they try to talk over you.

... or perhaps "dominance" wasn't quite what you meant?

The first step to getting anything is to know exactly what it is you want:

I have trouble gaining attention when speaking, despite specifically making attempts to speak loud enough to grab attention.

Ah-hah. So you want to be able to command the attention of others. That's a good place to start.

Remember what we taught you about paying attention to women? You were taught to use attention as a reward, not give it out in the hopes of inspiring affection. But regardless of whether others do the former or the latter, we can see that attention is a payment. That why we call it PAYING attention.

Others give you attention because they know, or at least hope, that you will give them something of value in return. You are reading this right now because you think I might teach you something valuable, or because I have been valuable to you in the past, or because you think my writing is amusing, whatever. You read, or listen, or watch, because you think it's a good use of your time.

This is why speaking loudly alone doesn't work. No one wants to listen to an air horn. It's loud enough to force us to listen, but we quickly try to tune it out or stop the noise if we can. Because it does us no good.

Create value, or the perception of value, and attention will come.

What is "value" in the context of conversation? It is anything that rewards listeners for listening. There are too many possibilities to list, but here are a few examples. Charismatic people will use many of these at once.

• Be funny and entertaining.
  People will listen to just about anything if it's creative, funny, tells a good story, or is otherwise pleasant to listen to.
• Be insightful and interesting.
  Humans have been equipped by evolution with a powerful forebrain, which is basically a rationalizing and generalization engine. Its urge to spot patterns and find explanations is so powerful that we sometimes find them even when they aren't there. Few things are more gratifying to a human being than the experience of a bunch of random information suddenly falling into a pattern which explains other things. If you can provide eye-opening insights, people will not only patiently sit through, but actually enjoy, the wordiest of rants.
• Say useful things.
  If what you have to say solves a problem they have, they will be all ears. Just make sure you remember that what people say their problem is counts for nothing. It's about what they actually want.
• Have status.
  If you have status, power, and respect, not only do others hope to please you by paying attention, but what you think and plan to do effects their lives. This means it's important to them.
• Use silence to make your words stand out.
  Remember that perception of value creates value. Make something scarce, and you make it more valuable. If you only speak when you have something to say, shut up when you have nothing to add, and use words sparingly, then people will quickly come to regard you as worth listening to. Speak because you have something to say, not just to be speaking.
• Pass the microphone.
  Counterintuitively, indicating to others that it is their turn to speak, and supporting their points, can get you more attention. Not only does it give value which others may wish to repay, but indicating whose turn it is to speak, consistently, establishes you as the controller of the microphone and hence the leader of the conversation.
• Speak with conviction when you speak.
  If you don't think what you have to say is important, no one else will either. Always speak clearly and with confidence, never mumble, and always finish your sentence rather than trailing off, even if someone interrupts you and gets the group's attention.

Remember that attention is a thing of value. If you simply try to snatch it, people will treat you like a thief. But if you reward it, people will give it to you to purchase that reward. And if you establish yourself as a figure of respect, people will pay it to you in tribute.

#Whisper

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