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Becominganalpha
[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger21 points22 points23 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The Red Pill isn't a moral framework. It can give you all kinds of theories on how to attract women, why certain things work and certain things don't, and help you achieve whatever your goals are. It can tell you what to watch out for while you're doing all of that.
It can't tell you what you want or what your goals are. That's up to you.
And whether or not you're okay cheating on your new girlfriend of one-month is between you and the guy in the mirror, or between you and God if you're religious. And between you and the girl if you plan on telling her.
[–]woefulwank4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I would concur, but in my opinion telling the girl that you cheated is just your weak self attempting to find solace in what you did. Keep it to yourself and move on in a more positive fashion.
[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
1 month exclusive
So, you actually discussed and agreed to exclusivity but one month in you're back to spinning plates. Assuming you care about your ethics with this particular woman, at the one month mark, it's not hard to untangle this. DON'T tell her about the incident, just have a discussion along the lines of, "I really like you and want to keep seeing you but I'm not sure if I want to commit to an exclusive relationship." She'll either break it off with you or continue on new terms, an ethical win in either case.
If you DON'T want to be openly poly, as in continue seeing her but secretly spinning plates, you'll have to get the roles and behaviors of your various partners organized for efficiency and stability. Check out my post about spinning multiple LTR plates and a main GF concurrently. It's a lot of work, but running several parallel relationships offered several different love lives to be experienced, which I found better than serial monogamy with women who were mostly great relationship material but couldn't cover certain intimacy needs.
Sometimes the individual who makes a great companion in every other way falls flat in the bedroom. As Jack Handy put it, "My wife wouldn't know sensuality if it bit her in the ass!" The not-even-a-handjob part reminds me of the LTR that all this started in my life; she was enthusiastic enough in bed but 100% passive and receptive. Not in a starfish way, but no initiative or curiosity of her own. It got boring!
TL;DR Move her back to nonexclusive status, it's only been a month. Spinning plates alongside a main LTR is possible, but requires time and effort and may culminate in an ethical and drama-laden blowup.
[–]Becominganalpha[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks for the advice I appreciate your response. I don't think I'll mention it, not because I feel no guilt, but more because it is such a new relationship. That being said I think the most important thing will be to learn from this, and keep my dick in my pants
[–]AdonisHera19 points20 points21 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
As men, we are to have honor. I don't think there is any honor in cheating. As a guy who's witnessed my mother be cheated on, after she was an ideal wife, I can't give you a round of applause. You're hamstering like a woman right now. If you wanted to just fuck girls, then don't get in a relationship. don't come here asking us to help you with bullshit like this. I'm not gonna sugarcoat anything with you. You decide what you should do.
[–]MagneticJohnson 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
As a guy who's witnessed my mother be cheated on, after she was an ideal wife
perhaps she wouldn't be an ideal wife if she wasn't cheated on. cheaters are usually the ones who with "ideal wives". cheating = dread = attraction = loving wife.
[–]Becominganalpha[S] -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Agreed, my decision and mine alone. Just hadn't found this subject covered all that well and was hoping for insightful responses. Cheers
[–]1thiasus3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
but for some reason I don't feel bad.
Because you got the sex that you wanted without having to deal with the exclusivity of your current relationship.
Maybe its this subreddit, maybe I'm just not into her enough? Either way she's been on her period for the last week and wouldn't do so much as give me a handjob.
Stop hamstering; you are hinting at the truth (you wanted sex and weren't getting it) while trying to cover it up with excuses.
She's a great girl, smart, determined and only had 1 previous partner (23) so I know I have something good
Good for what? are you planning on settling down any time soon? having kids? you are describing a girl in terms that make me think you'd like her as a long term partner, but it seems to me that since you're ready to go off and fuck an ex and the drop of a text you are not at all interested in settling down, so what are you describing her as "good" for?
I'm going to go out on a limb here: you have somewhat swallowed the red pill, but you are stilled mired in residues of blue pill thinking. The reason why you describe this girl with traits that are stereotypically good for a LTR, the reason why you did start a LTR with her, is that you still think "that's what people do". You think that if you find the right girl you are supposed to stick with her, because that's what's done.
But it isn't. It's not what you want (evidently), it's not what's best for you (it used to be, in a different time, in a different society, but not today), it's not what's best for anybody. You started a LTR with a girl, cheated on her after a month because you couldn't go a week without busting a nut. That alone says everything you need to know about how predisposed you are to a LTR right now.
Break up with her. You could try to demote her to plate status but I doubt you'd have the clarity of direction to keep it that way. Cut her off and go spin plates for a few years because clearly it's what you want. On the balance of things I think you shouldn't tell her you cheated on her because it'd only cause unnecessary pain, but that's a decision you've got to make yourself.
[–]MagneticJohnson 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Girls will say they don't like cheaters. Their nature tells a different story.
I have too much experience to be fooled by what people say anymore. Sure, most women don't like being cheated on, but it sure as hell keeps the attraction going. And attraction is the absolute base of any relationship.
I've been "nice" before, and been burned from it. Now, I base my decisions on her nature rather than "what's right".
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
She's a great girl, smart, determined
These are not reasons to be with a woman.
But she's not overly sexual
This is a reason to not be with a woman. Women are for fucking. The older I get the more I understand this truth.
[–]Becominganalpha[S] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I agree with you in principal. I just find the girls I most enjoy having sex with are the ones I least want to bring home to my family/ would never want to raise kids with. Bat shit crazy girls fuck better
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Bat shit crazy girls fuck better
In the short term, yes. Also, once you see that you're fucking her daddy issues, it gets less attractive.
[–]LibertarianLibertine0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Explain to me how you would see that?
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'll give you an example. I had a girlfriend who loved to suck cock. I mean, she craved it. She was freaky and had a huge sex drive. I like getting my cock sucked, so hey, we match! It was obvious that she had issues, but I let them slide at the beginning.
But the issues were there. She had childhood stuff that messed her up. She had control issues, which was part of the reason she liked to suck cock: it gave her a feeling of control and being needed. She had abandonment issues, which made her want to please you, but it also made her flip out if she imagined that you might not want her anymore.
Essentially, her childhood issues had shaped her adult sexuality. It was so obvious that her sexual behavior was mostly just patching her emotional issues. Once you see that, you can't unsee it and then when she wants to suck your cock you know it's not truly because she wants to suck your cock, it's because she is afraid of something. For me, it's a lot less sexy. Plus, there's always a high risk of her totally flipping out and doing something crazy.
Anyway, that's one example.
[–]DRAG-ON_DRAGOON1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You are free to do whatever you want to do.
I don't know why you agreed to a monogamous relationship though, if you were planning/deciding to fuck other girls. It comes off as very weak to want her to be monogamous to you while you go and fuck other people behind her back.
Just seems like you are needy to want to lock her down to a LTR and then weak to sneak off and get external validation from another bird.
[–]Reworking0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That's exactly what this is. He's a weak man.
[–]Auphor_Phaksache0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
TRP is about being the best person you can be. Physically, mentally, and morally as well. Banging women and not being in a exclusive relationship is one thing, but to me cheating is pretty shitty. Its essentially lying, and lying is not the trademark of TRP. Additionally you run the risk of fucking up someone emotionally. I don't want to preach with the whole "treat others as you want to be treated" bullshit... But cmon bro. Cmon...
[–]Becominganalpha[S] -5 points-4 points-3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks for your input, I appreciate your honesty. I'm with you, cheating is pretty shitty. But seems like I'm not above it- yet
[–]woefulwank2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You should probably break up with her then and do her the favour of not telling her what you did behind her back.
[–]Retro93 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
Obviously I know this is wrong (morally)
Ask yourself, what is obvious about this?
What is "immoral" about doing what you want?
What were the reasons behind your actions? (Why did you fuck someone else?)
When you can answer those questions for yourself, you'll know where you truly stand on cheating. It's honorable to feel negatively about cheating, sure. But examine what your actions are. If loyalty were highly important to you, I believe that you would've acted differently. Be honest with yourself, even if it doesn't feel good.
[–]1oldredder1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
making a real commitment to be exclusive and then cheating is absolutely immoral.
The only way fucking the other woman isn't is if you don't SAY you won't. He said he won't. That's what EXCLUSIVE means. Men are meant to make and form bonds of honour, your word, and if you can't do so you are less of a man, an immoral man not to be trusted by other men much less women.
Of course we don't trust women here regardless but do you want other men to mistrust you? I mistrust men who are cheaters because they are frequent liars.
[–]Retro93 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree with what you've said. I posed these questions for OP to get a better understanding of himself. Namely, I wanted to show him that his word doesn't mean what he wants it to mean, and that if he truly wants to live up to his current moral code, he will need to reflect that with actions, not words.
[–]Primemale0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
...and if you can't do so you are less of a man, an immoral man not to be trusted by other men much less women.
Although I can see where you derive the ''HONOUR'' based morality and why you have linked it to masculinity, this would only be in times of small knit groups such as a tribe, and in times of relative peace and ''fairness'' if you will, such as in a well functioning society, a lot of the men on here don't think that they live in such a society and that feeling of being honourable to one and all goes out the window. This moral of ''honour'' is COMPLETELY SITUATIONAL/CIRCUMSTANCIAL and this is why morals change over time in society, things that are considered fine today were considered horriffic in another time.
Back to your point, Although honour is something that can manifest with men in certain circumstances and to a certain group of people (i.e. the in group, the out group can go fuck themselves) I would not say it is something INHERENT to masculinity to the point where you can call someone ''less of a man'' for not being honourable, if anything one could probably say the opposite, for example when you think of untamed masculinity, things like honour, and empathy etc don't spring to mind, more like, ruthlessness, agression when challenged, (potential) leadership, strength etc.
Your version of man is as false as how women describe what masculinity should be, you can raise yourself above this and have higher ideals, sure, that's probably still best for society long term, but it's not MORE MASCULINE, however you want to hamster your way into believing this.
[–]1oldredder0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It's because you have no soul. It's OK, this is the place for men like that. Also 1 month exclusive isn't that serious but really you should be exclusive to no one. Your own sex drive & choices prove it. Nothing to be ashamed of: in fact, by refusing to be exclusive and fuck who you want, you take control of your life and you can be proud of it. No need to lie to get it done.
Either way she's been on her period for the last week and wouldn't do so much as give me a handjob.
And that's a bitch move on her part. A woman must accept, MUST, that if she refuses sex to the man she's with he has NO REASON to avoid sex, just let her choose to avoid sex and go get it somewhere else. Women better learn this lesson because it's how they act and we, men, have no reason to sit with no sex if we want sex.
Not one woman ever has turned me down for a blowjob, handjob, whatever when she's on her period and if she did I wouldn't put up with it.
only had 1 previous partner (23) so I know I have something good
You know NOTHING, Jon Snow. Partner count is NEVER EVER EVER an indication of how good a girl is.
[–]ModRedSovereign0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Post questions to /r/asktrp.
[–]musclebound921 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link
I dont commend this in any way, imagine if a woman were writing this, every man would be commenting and saying "See See women are whores." But if you do it, its okay. Hypocrite. And you are clearly here for the wrong reasons. You should re-evaluate yourself man.
[–]Primemale6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (15 children) | Copy Link
Lets be unemotional and logical for a second...there is a difference between men and women cheating, biologically men are determined to do this, (you can out-think this of course) as we can impregnate as many women as we want (essentially infinite) whereas a woman is designed to only get one TOP DOG or ''alpha'' (within her beauty potential) and get him to impregnate,commit and support her. so women being promiscuous is down to their man not cutting the mustard at that time. (for the most part)
Also if you speak to women they always say ''it's worse if a man loves another woman than fucks another woman, whereas men will always say ''it's worse that a woman fucks another man'' these things are in built for evolutionary purposes.
Also stop imposing your moral framework onto another man, particularly over the internet, especially with the current sexual dynamic in the west. I'm not gong to say what I think he should do, do what you want to do, and it's clear OP did just that, I am sure he will go home and look after his girl no differently, whereas a woman fucking another man, will invariably treat her actual BF like shit.
[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago* (14 children) | Copy Link
Nothing gives women the tingles more than dread. It's not even debatable. When men go the extra mile to cheat they not only make themselves addictive to their girlfriends and wives, they additionally bestow these chicks with a coveted apex victim status. It's a wonder more women don't fabricate as many false-cheating accusations as they do false-rape accusations. Women are weird vile contradictory creatures who TRULY crave a roller coaster of feels including emotional annihilation. Nothing spikes their sex drive like ultra cruelty juxtaposed with the occasional comfort test. Gotta suck to be a bitch, but who are we to deny them what they need. Male infidelity is actually altruistic to both parties in a relationship. You want to get your chick off - humiliate the fuck out of her, particularly via actionable dread.
[–]Primemale-1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago* (13 children) | Copy Link
I agree with everything you said, however, I have known guys who stick to one woman and can keep the woman interested without cheating, (long term) although she has to know you CAN fuck other women, if you so choose. It's fine if guys want to have ''higher ideals'' but to make out like it's the same thing (sexual promiscuity) is denying that there are any differences between men and women.
In much the same way that we naturally tend to think of punching a woman in the face to be much worse than say punching a man, even a man of small frame and musculature, similar to that of the hypothetical woman.
As you can see from comments in this thread even a lot of TRPers want everything to be ''equal'' or ''fair'' but it just can't be, not without some (Potentially) negative consequences, at least.
[+][deleted] -12 points-11 points-10 points 10 years ago* (12 children) | Copy Link
Indeed. Men and women are different. Women are meant to be passive recipients/spectators when it comes to life experience. Achievement and experience are for men. That's why the greatest slut tell is women who have very refined tastes in anything from music to booze. Women have no genuine interests other than what they parrot from watching the men they fuck. Lots of ideas = high n count. period. This why its laudable for men to fuck and or cheat and its pathetic when women do it.
[–][deleted] 19 points19 points19 points 10 years ago | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–]sway_usa -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Aww one of our friends came over from the other neighborhood.
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Was there ever any doubt that they're all secretly masochists deep down in their tingly insides? haha AWALT.
[–]sway_usa -2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It's just...baffling. They have an entire subreddit that watches all of our posts, comments, sister subs, etc ALL DAY LONG and then post snarky comments. They keep up with this sub far better than most of us do. The amount of butthurt and time that must take is just mind blowing.
[–]apierson20117 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Right? It's almost equal to the butthurt you people display when your circlejerk is interrupted.
[–]sway_usa2 points 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Actually we don't mind discussions, especially if someone is arguing with a valid point, something your type doesn't do. It's all ad-hominem, straw-men, and <insert 10 other logical fallacies here>.
[–][deleted] -5 points-5 points-5 points 10 years ago | Copy Link
[–]TitsAndWhiskey-2 points-1 points0 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go on, act like you haven't noticed it.
[–]Primemale-1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
> That's why the greatest slut tell is women who have very refined tastes in anything from music to booze.
I have found this to be consistently true also. as with anything there is always some crossover (my male brain having to mention the anomalies for fear of not being wholly logical, and offending the god of logic,Apollo perhaps?)
[–]doowopbubblepop1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
If the woman said "my boyfriend won't fuck me" I would have a hard time chastising her for cheating.
[–]Becominganalpha[S] -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
While I appreciate you taking the time to respond I wasn't looking for validation. And frankly telling me to reevaluate myself over a minor indiscretion and knowing nothing else about me screams insecurity on your part. We aren't here to put down fellow red pillers, but rather to guide imo
[–]musclebound922 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree. However I am a man and I am assuming you are as well. I am calling you out on your shit, and saying be better than that. Don't be a hypocrite. If you find offense with that, thats a personal problem.
[–]HAMMURABl-1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Nah. Men crave novelty much more than women. Analogously, men provide commitment and resources while women provide sexual exclusiveness. Men being exclusive is like women providing resources - nice to have, but not necessarily part of the deal.
Even when I am in LTRs, I hardly consider banging other chicks "cheating" on my part. Cheating would be lying about my education/job/possessions etc.
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[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger21 points22 points23 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]Senior ContributorMentORPHEUS6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
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