Do Not Tolerate Disrespect

MrAnderzon · 2018-01-03T03:50:21+00:00

It's stuff like this that may have been said already but needs to be said again as a reminder or first lesson in respect.

HologramLifeform · 2018-01-03T04:46:34+00:00

Okay I understand the concpet of boundaries but at the same time I feel that restraint is also a virtue. Your friend of 3 years that has always been loyal to you decides to be disrespectful you one day and you decide to burn bridges. That isn't a wise choice. In this case I would discuss with them before burning bridges, cause why should one act discount all the other previous good times you had with that individual. Or even the job example you gave, man what kind of job will you ever find where there is 100% respect, unless your the boss yourself.

I get it respect is important, but self-respect is more important. You can't make everyone respect you. Ghosting people because of a perceived disrespect without good reflection is cowardice and shows that you’re emotionally weak. Relationships with others is painful that’s just how it is, you can't expect friendship, professional ties and love that is completely blissful. You gotta be smart about this stuff. Ask yourself is this person worth committing to, were they really being disrespectful or was it my own insecurities, is it more work to take action and conflict or let this go. etc.

toki09 · 2018-01-03T05:23:55+00:00

Great post. I'd like to add to NEVER EXPLAIN why you're kicking them to the curb. Let their imaginations do all the work.

ThreeTierTiger · 2018-01-03T12:29:33+00:00

I'll also point out that, no matter who you are, you can only tolerate so much disrespect before you eventually break and do something that makes you the bad guy.

One of my first relationships involved me basically killing myself to appease and adapt to a girl who wasn't really respecting me. She'd cancel plans at least twice a week, she refused to talk to me on the phone, she told me about other male friends who loved her, she would offer up promises about things we'd do and then never follow through, she'd openly ignored texts or comments about things she didn't want to discuss, and she'd vanish for days or weeks whenever she was unhappy or concerned. I loved her and just figured that, if I kept tolerating it, things would be fine.

Eventually, it got to the point where I was totally emotionally broken and had no self-respect at all. I was riddled with insecurity. One day, she told me something important and I basically fell apart. I acted inconsiderately and selfishly in ways that were totally inappropriate for the situation. It's not an excuse, but it's because by that time I was so stressed about everything that I literally couldn't keep my shit together and think rationally or from a point of strength. Not surprisingly, she got pissed, I became the bad guy, and she eventually ended the relationship.

So, if simply respecting yourself isn't enough incentive to follow this advice (and it wasn't for me) keep in mind that sucking it up and dealing for too long doesn't make you a martyr or noble. It makes you a ticking time bomb. Eventually your capacity for enduring disrespect will be exhausted and then you will act stupidly or inconsiderately or, god forbid, violently, and you will hurt someone else.

Ever since then, one of my MOs in life is addressing disrespect when it shows up. Not in an angry or confrontational way, but bluntly and directly. It used to seem difficult, but once you realize the implications of letting shit build and build and build, you realize it's really the best thing you can do for yourself...and others.

NYCMusicalMarathon · 2018-01-03T05:20:37+00:00

Self Respect Earns Respect

scissor_me_timbers00 · 2018-01-03T11:46:14+00:00

I'll just add that in the moment I think the best approach is to laugh it off dismissively. This shows abundance and the opposite of butthurt. Butthurt is the last thing you want to show when someone disrespects you. If it's an absolutely egregious affront you can do open confrontation in the moment. But those are rare. For all the more subtle and common ways people try to disrespect you, laugh it off dismissively, or use agree and amplify. Then simply withdraw your attention or cut them out of your life. Openly smacking someone down for subtle shit tests will only invite further challenges to the "respect" you're trying to establish, on top of frame lost in the moment.

biglaughingcock · 2018-01-03T14:24:51+00:00

If there is one thing I learned from observing my parent's marriage, its that I will never get married because of the sheer amount of disrespect a woman will show her husband knowing there is nothing he can/will do about it because she is his "wife".

Throwawaysteve123456 · 2018-01-03T07:34:54+00:00

"We were married for 20 years, but she disrespected me once, so I divorced her!" Seriously man. Name checks out, haha.

Your boss puts you down in front of your co-workers so you quit your job? Dude, we don't all work at Wendy's. Some of us have jobs that have 3-4 interviews, and over 5 phone references, plus written references, and often have hundreds of applicants for a single position. You think successful people give it up because they were disrespected once? Jesus. No, you outperform everyone so much that you eventually are his boss. That's how you do it. You get over it and develop resiliency, instead of getting butt hurt. Man the fuck up. Maybe actually see if your boss is 'putting you down', or maybe he's giving you helpful criticism because you suck at your job? This is why narcissism is a problem, and why they are often are losers who can't keep jobs, and live in their mom's basement while complaining how their mom ruined their life.

As a general rule, of course I agree. But some of the examples you used are ridiculous. A plate flakes? Get rid of her. A girlfriend of a few months starts disrespecting you a few times, get rid of her. A wife disrespects you, you fucking address it and establish boundaries. You know, like a man. If a pattern starts to form you make it very clear you will not put up with it, and then it still happens, you get a divorce.

Your large, yet extremely fragile, narcissistic ego will create lots of problems for you in life if you truly believe this.

Bananaman2018 · 2018-01-03T05:38:42+00:00

Your friend tries getting with your ex? Kick him to the curb.

lol let him , theres a reason shes your ex in the first place. just remember AWALT, your turn just ended.

Your boss puts you down in front of coworkers? Kick that job to the curb.

This is really bad advice that can really fuck someone over and potentially cause then far more issues then its worth , my recommendation here would be to always make sure you have a backup plan for said scenario.

Otherwise i agree with everything else OP said.

letmereadthatshit · 2018-01-03T11:30:40+00:00

How do I kick them to the curb can you give me some examples

phoenixtoast · 2018-01-03T12:13:45+00:00

Here's some practical advice: the most powerful word in the English language is "no." People rarely just tell someone "no" to their face. So instead of freaking out, ragequitting your job, or ghosting someone for eternity, just use the magic word when someone makes an unreasonable demand of you.

We often don't realize just how often people are bluffing. In much the same way some posters in these replies stated how difficult it is to find a new job, your boss also doesn't want to go through the hassle of finding and training a new employee (even though he can.) Females don't want to end whatever status boost/gravy train combo you're giving them (until they're ready to with an appropriate branch swing.) People are lazy, and they want to be in control. You can easily set reasonable limits with the magic two letter word.

ohohohoholol · 2018-01-03T14:48:45+00:00

How do you deal with this if you're married?

You can't just kick her to the curb. How do you put her in her place?

Bear-With-Bit · 2018-01-03T19:25:17+00:00

The option to walk away is both power and freedom. If you do not possess this option, believe you do not possess it, or simply cannot exercise it, you are a slave.

amekooky · 2018-01-03T20:59:16+00:00

when keepin it real goes wrong.

ZukanStorm · 2018-01-03T15:21:27+00:00

I tried doing that at work with this 34 year old woman and she immediately started making fun of me that i`m too emotional and all this bullshit..

Narcissist456 · 2018-01-03T16:49:49+00:00

Yeah my brother puts me down, because he seems to think he's so successful "pt". Fucking pisses me off, it's like a competition with him, he's 36 and I'm 24 it's funny as shit.

I swear I'm turning into a misanthrope

He just treats me like an idiot

franky1pro · 2018-01-03T17:29:42+00:00

If it's the wife, How about walking away? If she's disrespectful, WALK AWAY. Remove yourself from the situation. Go to the garage and work on a project. Go to the gym and lift. That will send a bigger message. It's been said all over this subreddit over and over

newls · 2018-01-03T19:59:22+00:00

Reacting angrily to a slight does you no favours, all it achieves is making you prove that the attack hurt. Much better to smirk and snort with derision than to lash out like a hurt child.

nnikklis · 2018-01-03T20:02:55+00:00

Short time after I find that sub I had first challange relate to disrespect.

I went with my "high school crew" to have some drinks and play pool. During playing scrable or smth I order a coffee, and right after I take a sip, one of girls take my cup without asking and get a taste. I told her "you can order new one for me" (i saw she just want to disrepect me) - she respond "should I buy you new one" - I said "yes" (while keeping frame), and she stand up with furious in eyes to go buy me coffee. I went to smoke. After I back to our lodge, she blow up and yell "now go to bar and take your coffee" - I repond "they will bring me it like previous time" (with calm) - she yell louder "NO!" and catch my carton of juice, that I cant tip it. At this moment I was after few shots of vodka and didnt realize I just squeeze that carton and douse her face. She run away with tears. All my mates end party with me and go drink to other place. At the end of the day I was happy I losed realtionship with that group.

littleblacktruck · 2018-01-03T20:26:50+00:00

Respect is a commodity traded amongst those overly dependant on the opinions of others.

asotranq · 2018-01-03T21:34:17+00:00

When you're rejecting someone it's always a bad idea to do it with any sort of emotion or anything like that. The healthiest way to do it is to just make your decision and then commit to it. If you decide to go no contact with somebody, then just do it. No passionate goodbye, no tolerance if them trying to bargain and drag you back into it, just a complete severance. If you feel any sort of need to 'get' somebody or you want to see the look on their face when you reject them, you've still got a lot of room for improvement. Like the other choices in your life, thus should only be done with concern for yourself.

youkickmyd0g · 2018-01-05T05:04:55+00:00

Your boss puts you down in front of coworkers? Kick that job to the curb.

He did, and I put down $155k sal in Nov, no idea where rent next month is coming from :)... did it to $145k one earlier this year. Shit rung anyway. Working like a madman on some projects. Abide.

strikethrough123 · 2018-01-03T06:09:14+00:00

I like to do things a different way. Call them out on the disrespect, then if they do it again kick em to the curb.

mishasam89 · 2018-01-03T06:42:13+00:00

"because no one else will I promise you"

true friends will!

redinvisible · 2018-01-03T13:12:08+00:00

Happened last night. I'm in a Snapchat college group. Sent a video of a passion fruit because I was bored after gym and about to goto bed. One of the guys (there are about 11 of us 2 chicks) replies "redinvisibles ass after him and bro goto 'gym' together". Now i'll admit it was kinda funny, but he said it in front of everyone (on the chat) so I immediately replied to him (x) "X's mother's cunt after I finish fucking it raw" and he tried to play it off.

reddttt · 2018-01-03T12:03:49+00:00

I only disagree with the friend one.. I mean, if it's a loyal friend from a long date, have some skin dude.. It's just a type of shittest that you need to pass too

tom-n-texas · 2018-01-03T22:42:59+00:00

I'm thinking a stern, matter of fact warning would be better than just immediately kicking important people to the curb. You'd want your boss to give you some leeway I bet. I mean you're not even setting boundaries before the kicking.

Kingpink2 · 2018-01-05T01:16:25+00:00

It's not always that easy. So you have a disrespectful wife, but children and debt might be involved.

Andrew54321 · 2018-01-05T21:50:20+00:00

Shitpost. Kicked to the curb.

Won’t even be satisfying for me (will it for you? Ever had the balls to actually do it?) when done in the moment.

These things happen more often when the person places in such an environment.

That being said, frame overcomes everything.

In another way, when you become too valuable/powerful this hardly happens.

My go-to response: outwork, outperform.

If you must have revenge... Success is the best revenge.

Andgelyo · 2018-01-06T04:55:54+00:00

Go with the 3 strike rule whether it’s with LTRs, plates, friendships, and family. Be friendly but also set boundaries. Strike 1 give them a friendly warning, strike 2 warn them again, this time more aggressively, and then strike 3 either punish them or cut contact with the fuckers.

clon3man · 2018-01-06T19:29:43+00:00

I wrote a post about this a while ago. People need to be reminded of your value in a semi-regular basis. If you don't (carefully, after some thinking) correct people who've blamed or disrespected you, you start to look like a loser and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Letting someone tease you is one thing; letting someone bother or blame you "casually" is another.

The goal is to manage your interactions with people, not fight with them or have passive aggressive behavior. If you make a mistake, wait before apologizing. Think about what happened. Always discuss solutions for the future and always antagonize people who want to disrespect you by closing off discussion for improvement. "You're making a big deal,This is the big problem. Someone does something bad and manipulates the conversation so that a solution or improvement cannot be reached. These are the behaviors that need to be recorded, put in their place or, the people who enforce them need to be discarded.

Anytime you have an opportunity to correct something wrong, calmly, and you do nothing, just let the other person behave badly, you lose a part of yourself.

CallMeHaseo · 2018-01-03T04:33:25+00:00

Well it's not like you can smack the shit out of her so what's the solution what are you supposed to do? I feel as though a lot of these girls try to get away with the stuff because the fact that they know the most dudes won't do anything and literally can't do anything tbh. (I'm not condoning the smacking part by the way)

condude · 2018-01-03T17:49:05+00:00

Why should a friend not be able to date your ex? That's some chump syndrome bullshit.

wowwhatameme97 · 2018-01-04T16:55:30+00:00

My "friend"(female in my discord I tolerate bc shes friends with my other close femme friend) told me she didn't like the tone I was using with her. I got louder and she did too, so instinctively I lowered my tone. Tips?

Title	Do Not Tolerate Disrespect
Author	Narcissist456
Upvotes	378
Comments	84
Date	January 3, 2018 3:42 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/7nrz9q/do_not_tolerate_disrespect/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/do-not-tolerate-disrespect.48103 https://theredarchive.com/post/48103

Comments