So the other weekend I went down to my friends college to do some partying.

The first day, we were at a party at his fraternities house, then I saw the girl. Cute, asian, totally my type. Game on. Approach, kino, escalate. I talked to her, then talked to her friends and made a good impression. I ended up leaving but getting her number.

The second day, I met up at another party, and we didn't talk much, just flirted a bit and bounced around parties.

So, I asked her for coffee a few days later. She said sure, but the night before I changed plans and we went to an aquarium. It was a fun little date, we ended up making out then heading back to my place. At some point partner count came up in conversation. She had 11, which confirmed my suspicion that she is just slutty college girl. Apparently she "is a different girl now" though and had cleaned up her act and doesn't fuck any guy that gives her the time of day. Alright hamster. I think she said this because of how well my life is put together (Engineering major at a way better university, Officer on my rugby team, lifting for 3 years, take care of myself, hobbies etc.) She saw me as boyfriend material instead of sex material.

But once we got to my house, I made my critical error.

I didn't fuck her when I absolutely should have. Instead we just made out more. I try not to fuck on the first date, but in retrospect this girl definitely wanted it.

I drove her home and we agreed to meet up again.

So a few days go by again and I take her on another date, we hang out, end up back at my place, and start drinking. She then ends up asking me to go to another party at her school, to which I accept.

We go and this girl is drunk as shit and can't keep herself off me (to be fair I was pretty drunk as well).

We make it back to her house and have sex for all of 20 seconds, and then she says "I have to pee", gets up and I was so tired and drunk I fell asleep. Woke up the next morning and hung out a bit then went home.

Yesterday I hung out with her again. Again, I fucked up because I was not outcome independent. I expected sex on this third date which probably put me in a bad mindset. She came over and we made dinner and then started drinking again. Things got to the bedroom, then right before sex, she said she wanted to go back to her house because she had class the next morning. I was a bit reluctant, but looking back she was attempting to pull me into her frame, and I totally fucking fell for it. She goes "We are seriously going to have sex when I get back to my house" in the moment I had a feeling she was going to pull something to get out of sex, but I decided to trust her. I read recently "Don't trade comfort for sex" and I didn't understand what that meant. But I think this is a good example of it. And there I went breaking my own boundary as well.

We get back to her house, on her bed once more and she gives me the "I'm too tired to have sex" excuse and some other shit. She blew me but it wasn't great. At this point I was drunk and frustrated, so I calmly put on my clothes then go home. When I was leaving I told her "I guess we aren't sexually compatible." Why would I waste my time when 11 other guys have gotten it for free?

Her roommate called me shortly after and we talked for a bit. She gave me some perspective. The girl had called her crying. Apparently this girl liked me a lot, and what I did was a huge blow to her self esteem and ego, which in retrospect, it definitely was and I think I could have handled it differently. Sleeping on the couch, leaving early in the morning, or hitting her with a soft next for a while would have all worked. But the point is it made me feel like shit, because I could hear her crying in the background and I definitely didn't mean for that to happen.

I apologized to her and wished her a good life, and she said the same for me. I am a big proponent of not saying sorry unless you meant it, and I think what I did was fucked, so it definitely warranted an apology.

The whole time this girl kept asking me if I was a fuckboy, which I have no idea what that means. I thought it was a shit test, ("I think you just have fucking and boys on your mind"), but she kept asking me, and I asked her what it meant and she couldn't define it. But what I think it means is that I was just looking for sex.

Truthfully I was looking to plate this girl, but I think that I was displaying a lot of boyfriend material traits instead.

I'd really appreciate any discussion on this, I feel like a huge piece of shit right now for playing with this girls heart, I don't think anyone deserves that and I should have a better understanding of human behaviour to not let that happen.

But anyway, you live some and you learn some. I'm just glad that she goes to a different university than me and I'll probably never see her or her friends again.

Lessons learned:

  • Have boundaries and don't let anyone cross them

  • Always escalate as far as you can.

  • Don't give them drama when you make your exit.

  • Treat sluts as they are.

  • Never break frame. Never enter her frame.

  • Don't show provider traits when you are just looking to fuck girls.

  • Leave them better than when you found them.

  • Two in ten rule, hang out two days out of every ten.

  • Don't trade comfort for sex