How do you maintain a long term relationship/marriage to old age (without problems)?

MattyAnon · 2015-07-01T13:45:40+00:00

Yup, very valid questions. There are no answers, because all your points are totally true.

Don't think that "it would absolutely destroy me if you cheated" means "I won't cheat". She's female, the implied reciprocal doesn't exist. She's stating a negotiating position, that's all.

All I can suggest is that you do everything in your power to keep your options open at all times - especially with new girls. Make sure you reach a point where you have to actually turn down sex. As you say, other guys are not getting rusty, it's important that you don't either. And that means with new girls - the old plates won't burn a candle forever.

Always always always keep your life at a point where you'll be just fine without her. There is NO RELATIONSHIP EQUITY with a woman. Doesn't exist. Never has, never will. What you put in, she keeps and will never repay. When/if that relationship ends, most women will try and destroy you. At best you get nothing. At worst you lose everything. So set up your safety net now - own friends, own hobbies, own life, other opportunities.

Do this right and lots of good things happen: you'll never be insecure because you are not investing, you are not afraid to lose her because you always have options, she'll sense all this and want to keep you around. Certainly leaving will be hard for her if it's easy for you - the twin H's of hypergamy and hamster must be kept well exercised at all times. Probably she'll want to keep you around then. But not for certain. You have got to be ok with that at some level.

In conclusion: lift weight and chat up girls.

GayLubeOil · 2015-07-01T14:20:39+00:00

Sean Connery is a talented actor with some controversial opinions.

mkopec · 2015-07-01T17:27:11+00:00

Yeah, I know Im older than most of you here, 42, and have been married for the past 15 yrs, but today I would never fucking marry anyone knowing what I know now. I have 2 awesome sons out of the deal, and thats the true reward for putting up with shit, I guess. Also my wife came from a different generation than you guys have now. Things were even different back in the 80s, 90s, more conservative although still going to shit. Fuck you guys have it brutal these days, it seems like chicks are 100x worse now. And its only going to get worse before it gets better. They are the most privileged class on the earth right now and yet they just want more. But still, AWALT. Believe it because its truth.

The one thing I want to share here is live your own life. Never bow for any bitch, never pedestal her and never let her have the upper hand. Never look for true love, shit like that is not attainable. and never look for validation from anyone. What TRP has taught me in the past few years has definitely improved my relationship with my wife, so yes I am proof that this shit works, even in LTR or marriage.

makethemsayayy · 2015-07-01T14:06:02+00:00

With energy spent appeasing a fickle, emotional human for that many decades, you could have dedicated yourself to and succeeded in making enormous strides for mankind.

Duliticolaparadoxa · 2015-07-01T15:03:58+00:00

How do you maintain a long term relationship/marriage to old age (without problems)?

This will be my personal opinion.

At this juncture in my life I have stopped looking for a 'wife' or some nonsensical long term commitment like marriage. I have had shitty relationships where I lacked control, I have had exhausting relationships where I had total control. All of that is great experience when you are young, but when you get older you realize you have been doing it wrong. I dont want a person all to myself as if they were some kind of property or we were engaged in some kind of contract. I want a likeminded person to traverse life with me, travel alongside me, and when the time comes to part, just do so, no obligations. Perhaps that person does not see the need to part ways and neither do I, and we make it all the way to our mortality. Maybe we work out for a year. Thats a complete unknown, so committing to one or the other is folly.

When you start traveling through life with someone, you lay down the rules of engagement, mutually exclusive finances, dont fuck anyone else, ect. When one of those fails, its time to split ways. If it becomes a paranoid thing where one of you is constantly worrying about some kind of shady behavior or infidelity, either take steps to clear things up and restore trust if you think its worth it, or take it as a sign from your gut, from the gift of the instincts you inherited from your legacy of ancestors that lived through such things and survived, and move on.

Relationships are work, but they shouldnt be struggles or battles. If it becomes a struggle or a constant battle, its already lost, move on.

Do what makes you happy, and if what you do, and your happiness overlaps with someone else's, thats great, see where it goes, but dont hamstring your own life and happiness and allow someone close that is going to be a drain just because they are physically appealing/let you hit it, because thats folly as well.

heeeeeeeeheeeeeeeeee · 2015-07-01T15:43:24+00:00

Don't get married.

Always gauge the worthiness of the relationship on sexual grounds, barring the occasional medical issue. If sex stops or slows to less than twice a week, it's over.

Understand AWALT and be emotionally prepared for betrayal. She's a bird and she could fly away any day. If she does, let her go and move on. Don't control what you can't control. Focus on yourself.

Never complain or lose frame. Be the prize.

Bellum00 · 2015-07-02T07:49:01+00:00

You only want to have children with a woman that is much younger but (equally) mature. That way you will get the maximum of her good years. This also implies you settle when you are older (30s and up).

Some women age really gracefully. Look at the mother to see the future.

Eventually though your wife will get older. It's up to you to stay, get a mistress and/or start over.

Two factors should weigh on your decision:

Your happiness.
Wether or not your wife has given you her best. There is a tacit agreement that the man sticks with the woman that made his life wondeful (birthing and raising his children, being loyal and supportive, cooking, cleaning, BJs, ect...).

Surf_Or_Die · 2015-07-01T15:47:01+00:00

What makes you think that relationships without any issues exist? Forget about the sexual part, there is no happily ever after in real life. Relationships are hot and passionate and come to an end, friendships are tight for a while then dissolve - rsdTyler. Let go of your illusion of completion. You can invest in a relationship and it can be an amazing experience but ultimately whether she cheats or not is her choice. You can minimize the risk but you can't eliminate it. What did the stoics say about things beyond our control? Don't fucking worry about it. Not in those words but that's the gist of it.

Merwebb · 2015-07-02T02:12:35+00:00

You cant avoid problems m8

Mjazz3 · 2015-07-03T10:04:12+00:00

This is not really the place to look for this sort of advice, most here I think would tell you to stay away from marriage as much as possible. But for what its worth I'll tell you want I think after 20 years of marriage, and three kids (now all teenagers). Mainly i'll say this because children really do give you a chance to live your life all over again, and they are well worth it (at least mind are).

Choose wisely. First of all I would say marry someone from a solid family background, no single mothers and divorced parents, and no single childs. Ideally a wife should have lots of brothers and sisters and have a good relationship with her father. My wife has 4 siblings, and she is close to all of them really, but her one true love is her father. You really can't beat that. Secondly try to determine your possible future wife's degree of loyalty to her family and friends. Does she criticise them all the time, or does she instinctively leap to their defense? If she sticks by them she will be probably stick by you. Thirdly, all the stuff about the N count is important. 1 or 2 previous boyfriends is ok, but its best if you can be the alpha in her life or at least to be the most alpha she has ever met. Next when you settle down don't live in a neighborhood with lots of divorced people. Its funny but my kids have hardly any friends whose parents are divorced. The rate at the school they attend must be quite low by modern standards. It does vary across most large cities. Your future wife will make friends with the parents of your children. Its easy enough to find a place where families are strong. Do make sure you have an exit plan. Set down and marry in a state where the courts are less anti-male, hide some of your assets somewhere (in gold in the loft if necessary) and keep interests of your own in life. One day you might have to walk away and so you might as well take something with you. Finally good luck in your search, I hope you can get what you are looking for.

dr_warlock · 2015-07-01T18:03:18+00:00

Any LTR lasting longer than the honeymoon phase is to have children. Children used to be raised by the village, the other alternative is having two parents in the home. After the children are in college, there's no reason to stay together anymore.

There's a reason why people find so much trouble making and ltr or marriage work, strict monogamy isn't natural.

favours_of_the_moon · 2015-07-02T01:10:56+00:00

But I still worry at times about the future, even if not with this girl, when I do get my wife, what then? Even if I do my best to be the best I can be across the board forever, I'm sure a couple years of marriage and a kid or 2 later she could be bored and not see my value as highly as she does now after being around me so long, I've definitely lost much of my initial sexual interest as the months went by and with her more for our similar personalities and hobbies etc, I feel like fucking all these other women while I'm still young (another problem entirely, but will this feeling ever go away also?).

If you could treat a woman normally and just go about your business as a normal, sane human being, that would be one thing.

But who needs to be constantly jumping through hoops for your entire life, always trying act like you're "the man," always trying to have something over her, always having to deal with shit tests anytime she THINKS you're insecure about something, trying to PROVIDE for her and whatever screaming little poop machines she squeezes out. Who needs it?

And keep in mind, half of your everything is on the line. She could get bored whenever she feels like it and exit with cash, prizes, attention, sympathy and officially sanctioned spitefulness.

If a bitch could ever just learn to accept a man as a person, it MIGHT make LTRs tenable. But you have to be her "daddy," and fulfill some ridiculous abstract role that she has in her head. Fuck you, bitch. I don't care that much.

chimpchimperson · 2015-07-02T04:14:48+00:00

I'm not telling you to cheat, but usually when men age they regret not having sex with as many women as they were able to have sex with when they were younger.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2015-07-02T07:10:52+00:00

How do you maintain a long term relationship/marriage to old age (without problems)?

You don't.

First, there are always going to be problems. If it flies, fucks or floats, you're going to have problems with it.

Second, marriage is a shit deal for men. The man is supposed to give up fucking younger, tighter, better pussy while the wife gets older and degrades, physically.

Third, the guy can expect to give up half his stash plus 40% of his pretax income (or whatever; it's a shit-ton) to that aging pussy if she .... changes her mind.

Fourth, at this point, which has a >50% shot of happening, the guy is now paying the ex-wife to fuck other guys and teach his kids to hate him.

Fifth, of the <50% of marriages that don't end in divorce, you have to figure that at least half of those are shitty miserable, and of the remaining 25%, maybe half of those are mediocre, so you have basically, at most, a 1-8 shot at anything decent. Like those odds?

If you aren't dissuaded, then find a girl who doesn't speak any English and learn to like whatever type of food they have wherever she's from...and move there.

bsutansalt · 2015-07-02T10:44:52+00:00

Removed. I gave you some leeway because it was a pretty good thread, but it's time to structure it so it meets the the following standard:

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3a0135/announcement_new_thread_requirements/

All you need is a Summary up top and Lessons learned at the bottom, then reply to this comment and I'll reinstate it.

This thread is an excellent example of how threads should now be strutured:

/r/TheRedPill/comments/3a0ggu/the_average_american_woman_now_weighs_as_much_as/

Summary
Body
Lessons learned

Please add the sections ASAP before the thread is removed.

JackDallas · 2015-07-02T19:50:14+00:00

Old guy {m68} here married 39 years. (38.5 happily)

step 1. Choose Wisely

step 2. Treat Kindly

oldredder · 2015-07-04T03:59:14+00:00

It's "easy"

step 1: as you get to know each other you dismiss bullshit that doesn't matter and do not tolerate bullshit that does matter. You address it, you fix it or you admit when you can't fix it and be done with it, find a new viable girl and repeat step 1

step 2: you dismiss the bullshit of society entirely and put each other first, in the roles we're meant to have as male & female. If step 2 fails then likely everything will fail. Test this to failure together, or see that there is no failure, as soon as possible. Do not drag out a nonsense relationship that will fail, you are both wasting your own time.

Done. This is hindered of course by women being dishonest to men, but also themselves, and a man can suffer from that same problem.

It's "easy" to describe but hard to find a woman who has enough value & self-respect to be worth all this and make it through steps 1 and 2. Some women think it's just as hard to find a viable man. They might even be right.

cashmunnymillionaire · 2015-07-01T18:12:55+00:00

Take her to Catholic church every Sunday.

darthskids · 2015-07-02T03:57:39+00:00

This is what I think of marriage after almost a decade. It's like two people sitting on opposite ends of seasaw. Each one of you has your own needs and desires that you want to get out of the relationship. The both of ya will go swinging back and forth on it until you either learn to balance each others needs or one of ya quit.

poochman · 2015-07-01T20:03:21+00:00

Dude sounds like you have oneitis. You losing sexual interest in her is a major red flag. You are young so break up with her and go smash other girls before she cheats on you.

Title	How do you maintain a long term relationship/marriage to old age (without problems)?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	30
Comments	43
Date	July 1, 2015 1:17 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3br02k/how_do_you_maintain_a_long_term/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-you-maintain-a-long-term.34254 https://theredarchive.com/post/34254

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