I got a lot of messages and a few comments asking for advice on or a guide for escalation next. I’m not going to write that yet though. I think the best way to get all the knowledge I’ve built out is to write it chronological to when I “mastered” that thing, or in other words got to the point where that wasn’t what was holding me back. The fact is I’m not some master on this, I’m still going out and trying to get better, I’m still working out, studying, meditating… improving. If I go in order for this then I know I will cover the maximum of bases, that I will know the most I can. The perfect illustration is that here, I talk about a new approach I’ve started doing literally in the last fortnight that has worked very well. I also cover eight years of increasingly good approaches and general attitudes. The next thing that levelled me up was escalation, so I’ll write about that after. Then isolation/extraction (I hate pickup lingo but it just sums it up so well here), last-minute resistance (aka not making her comfortable) and retention. Then I’ll probably go over increasing your standards although there are some other things I want to go over that aren’t directly related to girls which might be better to cover first.

Easy ways to open

I know this is a huge first step and it took me a long time to get comfortable doing it. I remember my first approach: I went up to two girls at the shopping centre and said some Mystery line about buying a shirt for my sister. My vision began fading to black and my muscles went slack. I recovered enough to not pass out and quickly excused myself. The anxiety was immense, beyond anything I’d ever felt before. I barely remember stumbling back home, I just remember being confused and disorientated. I got home and calmed down.

Then repeated that a few thousand times. It got less and less scary until over time, it just stopped being scary.

That got me over the fear because I learned nothing bad really happens. The absolute worst thing that has happened to me- having a girl yell at me- ruined my day, but not much else. I've had a few guys posture like they're going to fight but the thing is, you can just leave and it's very unlikely to escalate past that so long as you have the knowledge of when to pull out. I've never heard of it in real life, only in regards to some of the more shocking PUAs online, like Roosh. Don't stick around in sicking ships, just abandon anything that isn't good from the get go. Neutral reactions are almost worse in this regard because it's tempting to stay and try to 'win the girl over'. That can happen, but it's so rare your odds are better just finding a new girl.

Every single time you force yourself to approach at first you kill that baseline anxiety. After that initial period it never comes back. Instead you have what I call “approach apathy” where you know you could, but you’re not in the mood. That's harder to get over in my experience, but not really the topic here.

I’m not going to spend a huge amount of time talking about how to get over that anxiety. It’s been covered a lot elsewhere and it really just boils down to doing as many approaches in as short a time-frame as you can. Some of the things I recommend below will probably gel with you and others are such low-risk they aren’t very scary. Pick and choose what you use to suit yourself, don’t regurgitate any of it because in the end it’s more about the place it comes from then the words themselves.

There are a lot of good very-high risk ways to approach. The Apocalypse Opener comes to mind immediately. This is literally just going up to a girl, saying hello then asking if they would like to come home with you. Yes this works. The general consensus seems to be 1/3 if you have even a modicum of insight as to who the down girls are. That reflects my 2/6 but that isn’t much of a sample size. The problem with this opener is one, it requires MASSIVE balls and two, it isn’t sustainable. You can’t go around the rest of your life and ask every hot girl you meet t come home with you… in the second sentence at least.

Shock and Awe is a mild improvement on this predicament, but limiting your interaction to professing your attraction is in my opinion a crutch. The benefit- it builds massive sexual tension- can be done without even coming close to feeling scripted. Sexual tension is as simple as proximity, silence and eye contact between two attracted parties. After doing this a few times it started to feel forced, not spontaneous, and insincere. That took the fun out of it for me and thus the results.

I don't recommend these because every bad reaction I've ever had- not counting disinterest- has been a result of doing these type of things. GrandMaster, S+A, cocky funny and the like are 'good' in the game sense, but they offer no extra benefit with huge extra risk. Thus I abandoned them a long time ago.

On the low risk side, you have actual canned lines (the classics) which fall most prey to the insincerity trap. I had to dump these very quickly to be able to actually connect with any women. They were a good crutch to get me comfortable enough to open my mouth near someone I was attracted to, but after that point they were like an arrow in the knee.

What I’ve found works best are the following; in no particular order:

• Just tapping a girl and checking out her reaction to you. This requires being able to read women, but it’s very easy once you can. This has virtually no risk of backfiring but it gets kind of repetitive since nearly everyone says some variation of “Hey, how are you?” or “Hey, do I know you?”

• Something very mildly surprising. I sometimes put a lot of straws together into one long straw by compressing the ends, then poke a girl with it. If she smiles and laughs then starts playfully trying to take it off me, it’s pretty obvious she likes me. Another one is dipping my fingers into my glass of water and just dripping a little on her if she makes eye contact with me. It isn’t a massive confrontational thing that will illicit a bad response- at worst she will be confused. At best (far more common- maybe 30:1) she will laugh and play along. The same goes for bumping a girl or playfully touching her hand as she walks past. It’s all in the delivery though and I need to stress that. You aren’t soaking a girl in your drink or snatching her hand: you have to be very light with your touch. Imagine if a girl came up to you and did whatever you’re doing, then tone it down a little.

• Holding strong eye contact as she walks past, then putting a hand in front of her walking path. The issue with relying on this Is that you will have maybe two or three opportunities a night to do this with actually hot girls. If you have no standards maybe ‘every girl who looks at me’ will be enough to get you laid but I’ve never relied on this. It’s a cool trick to have in the bag though because when it usually works very quickly.

• Walking up to a girl and just smiling. This is similar to the above in that it works very fast, but the difference is you control it a lot more. I think the reason it is so successful is that just walking up to someone and smiling is simultaneously hugely sincere- you are presenting your true intentions- and confident. It takes a lot of balls to do away with pretense.

• Walking up to the girl and holding a hand up around my head height. Not too high, where she can reach it. 9/10 times the girl will grab it, then I pull them forward very gently and back off a bit. This is establishing a private conversation for us and is very effective with groups. The friends will usually just assume you know each other and leave you alone, so avoid shaking hands or anything like that if you don’t want the other girls to come over to meet you.

• I’ve talked about investment openers before; where you do something that requires low-grade participation like a hi five or a cheers, thus being able to gauge a girls interest.

• The level up from that is just offering a hug straight away from meeting girls. It requires a lot more confidence but a lot less ability to judge if they’re attracted. Good for those times where you just can’t tell. I know some days I wouldn't be able to gauge a girls interest if she stripped naked and threw herself on my bed, this is for then. The most important thing is that you’re not hugging them, you’re offering to hug them. Just hold out your arms and let them hug you if they want. If they don’t just leave. You can really fuck with someone and get a terrible response by lunging at them when you just meet. It actually still works out most the time but the one time it doesn’t will ruin both of your nights- trust me. It’s never happened to me personally but my old wing once had it outside a club. The girls friend flipped and tried to beat him up, yelling abuse the whole time. She was probably half his size and obviously didn’t hurt him but just seeing a reaction like that and exaggerating previous bad reactions I’d had made me realize this approach magnifies the bad responses if done incorrectly.

• Situational things like “Hey, I love that band” when she’s wearing a band shirt (I often elaborate by listing songs from another band) or “Is that a necklace or a bikini?” at a pool party. Commenting on music at the venue, something funny that just happened, etc can all work too.

• I sometimes approach with very mild sex jokes. I’ve done extreme, not worth it for the risk of offending someone. Only the truly crazy- the types who would rip your head off for hello- will respond badly to “necklace or bikini?” These types of jokes are a little cheeky but not at all offensive. Things like “Hey I need to go to the bathroom but my doctor says no heavy lifting, would you come with me?” have the benefit of speed but there are simply lower risk ways to get the same reward.

A huge tenement of the way I approach is that I’m inviting them to spend time with me. I’m not going up and saying anything to the effect of “You have to interact with me for the duration of this conversation” or “You have to answer my question.” I’m basically saying “Hey, do you want to talk?”

Which is coincidentally what I’ve started saying when I approach now when I can't think of anything better. That or “Hey, you look interesting.” I mix it up with the above when the situation calls for, but this is my bread-and-butter can’t think of anything else line. These are especially useful during the day when a lot of the other stuff isn't appropriate.

Approaching tips

It is VERY important to have something you can say anywhere, anytime you want to approach because you will not be ‘on’ 100% of the time you see interested girls. If the girl gives you a sign just walking up and saying “Hey” might be enough, but unless she is very attracted probably not. All of the above work on the premise that they will elicit a small reaction on their own, but anything above and beyond that is obviously because she is attracted. The difference in reaction between a hi-five from a girl who is wet for you is very different from a hi-five from a girl who isn't, even though they both might respond similarly to something else.

When you go up to the girl during the night it is 100% acceptable and in some situations even encouraged to just walk straight up to her. During the daytime however I’ve had much better success with approaching from an open angle. For example, if she’s browsing the meat at the supermarket I’ll browse it next to her and make some comment about it. Situational is king during daytime, but a lot of the above still work. The thing with situational is that during the day, she isn’t socially calibrated and will often be taken aback. When it gels well with the environment it diminishes a lot of the stress because it feels ‘right’ or like it was meant to happen. Girls want a fantasy when they meet a guy and you have to play into that to some extent if you want consistent success.

You want to touch her pretty quickly. This can be in the first few sentences you exchange. Don’t grab the girl, try to spin her around or anything else that reeks of autism, just brush her. Think of how girls ‘bump’ into a guy they’re attracted to and do the same thing. Gently brushing her elbow/shoulder during conversation works too. You can eventually hold her close, sometimes very quickly, but you want to build up and figure out what she is comfortable with first. If you don’t start touching at the start though, it gets more and more awkward and you can send mixed messages. Girls don’t have some crazy second-sight that lets her detect guys are into her, you need to communicate it and non-verbally is the best way. If she isn’t into you she’ll let you know and you can both go your separate ways.

Opening>Approaching. What I mean is, just hanging out in one area of the bar and talking to the girls who come past trumps searching for hot girls. If they come into your space there is a far greater chance they are attracted to you. From having girls in my social circle I know deliberately walking past a ‘hot guy’ is super common and a very reliable way to get laid is thus just talking to the girls who come past you. As a second point here, make sure you open the group to some extent. Generally the other girls will excuse themselves after a few minutes, but you want to talk to all of them to make them all comfortable with doing that. A lot of opening is just communicating you’re a normal guy, not some horror story waiting to happen.

As an exception to the above: IF you are a beginner JUST APPROACH.

When you do approach, start the conversation from a metre (3 feet) or so away. It’s another tool you can use to gauge interest, because interested girls will usually move closer. Not always, but the vast majority of the time. One big benefit to doing this is that if you start a conversation with a group of girls, there is a decent chance the one closest to you isn’t the one most attracted to you and/or available. Maybe the girl you are closest to has a boyfriend, but the girl on the other side of the group is single and very likely to move to close the gap if there is space to do so. I honestly can’t even count the number of times I’ve had a girl walk between her friends to stand next to me in a social setting because I left space to do so and she is the single one.

You gradually close distance until you’re in personal space. This isn’t necessarily slow, just steady. Don’t ever lunge forward. Proximity in a lot of ways is even better than escalation.

Leaning slightly back is one of those things that sounds stupid or too simple, but honestly the difference is immense. I still fuck this up sometimes and find myself leaning forward. Especially with short girls. Even in this case it’s better to lean back, short girls will usually just get on their tip-toes and lean in themselves if you don’t. In the rare cases it is just unmanageable- like a sub 5'3 girl- bring her to sit down.

If you are going to a costume party of any kind, always wear something that stands out AND shows off your body. Yes, you are a douchebag for doing this. Yes, it is completely transparent. The thing is the only people who will hate on this are the jealous ones and they probably aren’t cool anyway. Hot girls don't give a fuck that the ugly ones bitch about their sexy nurse outfit or whatever; neither should you. You will get opened a lot if you manage this well. A good example is if you’re going to a toga party, wear a 300 Spartan style cape/toga/skirt hybrid instead of the generic over-the-shoulder Roman look. Not only does this show off your physique better, but it looks cool and makes you shine like a beacon for girls, giving them something easy to talk about. Giving girls an 'in' conversationally will cut your effort in half.

At the start of the night just try and get into a good conversation with a girl. As the night progresses, start sexualizing the conversations and gauging interest. I used to talk to five girls before I even tried. Now I don’t need to do that. I was up until last year though so I’d hesitate to say only beginners should warm up. It’s just a lot easier to pickup when you get the conversation going without the sexual stuff first. Besides, pulling at 8pm is super unlikely.

Related, some openers that I’ve listed above suit certain environments obviously, but times too. The smile one is good all night for example, but the hug one works better the closer to 12am you are. It still works at 8pm but completely sober girls who haven’t had a chance to ‘warmup’ themselves and talk to new people will be less enthusiastic about hugging you. I wouldn’t ever do it during the day for this reason and there are plenty of other things you can do instead.

With situational openers, just comment on something in a mildly funny way. I can’t tell you what to say with this but if you see something somewhat interesting, make a joke about it. For example if I see security pull a guy out of the bar I might go up to a girl and say “Damn, my dad is so embarrassing.” These are great and keep interactions fresh. After several thousand approaches this starts to matter in terms of keeping your vibe positive and not getting bored, so practicing this is worthwhile.

Close

Opening is all that is necessary, though approaching is for beginners the single biggest thing they can do to improve. It’s all about gauging interest at the start, not about forcing a conversation. You want to be in the position where if they don’t react well you can just walk off without it seeming weird. Touch is important and should be established early, so you know if she is attracted or just being polite.

When you talk to groups either completely commit to one girl- this is for when you have an inkling of her being into you- or talk to the entire group in a non-committal fashion. Peacocking is bullshit, but wearing a conversation piece isn’t, especially for costume parties. Giving interested girls and easy ‘in’ for conversation is a 10/10 strategy and will make everything a lot easier. Girls do the same thing so often the girl with the loud dress or elaborate necklace is the one wanting to be approached.

If it doesn't seem good from the get-go, just bail. Nothing is forcing you to stick around and waste time on melancholy women, so don't. You have no obligation to cheer strangers up or show them how cool you are. Just leave and find someone in a better mood who likes you more. All of the openers above share that in common and honestly it can't be said enough. Just leave if it isn't going in the right direction.