I'm 31 years old, have had 10 LTRs (if you consider 6+ months or more a LTR), have never married (rejected 2 proposals and counting), and admittedly have fallen in love.

I have also been addicted to heroin, have been a workaholic, have had rocky relationships with my parents (if it matters I'm a middle child), and have been diagnosed with ADHD, Tourettes, and depression.

I have felt the need to spill my guts due to my not-abusive-yet-neglected upbringing to any woman who I felt was worth opening up to.

I must admit it feels good. But like heroin, porn, and any vice in general the rewards are shortlived and always bite you in the ass.

I have in the past tried to bring these issues up on this forum and recently I read a multi-part essay on the dangers of dopamine and I couldn't agree more.

Us men are driven by primal instincts, and thus are especially susceptible to the dangers of horrible risk/reward situations.

I'm not going to get into the details but my experience with heroin addiction and love seems to have many parallels. While I, unlike others here, say it is perfectly natural to fall in love I must stress that we live in a post feminist power struggle society. While I believe in equality in the sexes my experiences has taught me a lot.

While not typically TRP related substance abuse ruins a man's life much more so then a woman. Whether it's the legal system, ones support system, how far we have to travel to hit rock bottom, and overall residual strength to keep pushing forward. Which brings me to my point.

We all have demons and shit that not only is in our past but needs to STAY there. In a nutshell all guts that have been spilled to the "love of my life" has always experienced more pain in the end. Whether it further perpetuates a personality flaw or is used against us and sometimes childishly publicly, it will always bites you in the ass. Internal battles are just that. Internal. They are for you to battle the way that works for you and that's simply it.

I think back to my relapses and find that it usually involves telling a past lover about what I did followed by her curiosity over it. 2 weeks later me and her were on a daily basis traveling back to the wrong side of the train tracks to perpetuate the weakest part of my being.

Women have the power to bring you immense happiness but at the risk of immense despair.

That said the last 2 years I have kept my shit to myself. Dealing with it in a way that works for me. TRP has taught me to essentially man up and replace my vices with self improvement and life improving doctrine that at the very least has shown me that no woman can fix me and NA is bullshit.

And perhaps the fact that no woman can fix any of you or fill in anything missing in your life is the reason your here in the first place. I certainly am here for self empowerment.

So for all my flawed red pillers out there just remember to keep face. Even if you must fake strength doing it long enough actually translates to real strength.

Regardless of your problems a woman is not the answer. If anything a woman is the final test. If you can't handle your plate without your past creeping into the mix then you ARE NOT READY.

That's all for tonight. Stay healthy. Lift. Stay true to yourself. And stay real. If this sounds a bit pop psych then so be it I'm not here to circle jerk.

Anywho like my last post I'm gonna go fuck my 6/10 "girlfriend", work on getting a 8/10 and until then keep working on my character traits.

EDIT: A word that totally changed the meaning to a sentence.

EDIT: Fixed a double word. Added a comma, Sorry not the best touch screen typist.