Never Apologise: A reminder from the Shirtstorm/Shirtgate controversy

HumanSockPuppet · 2014-11-15T17:33:35+00:00

The key to an effective apology is knowing the scope of your influence.

An apology is more than just a humbling gesture meant to appease people. It is also, in a way, a demonstration of power.

Remember, you are only responsible for the things you can control. If you apologize for something, you necessarily admit to having had some measure of control over the outcome. Control is a form of power.

So apologizing is partly an act of acknowledging where your power is.

The problem with Matt Taylor's apology is that he apologized for something outside of the scope of his power - namely, the feelings and self-esteem of women. By apologizing for something that was outside of his scope of power, he revealed a deep repressed guilt - something that women love to exploit for personal gain.

There's no better way to get free shit than by guilting a powerful person who feels deep-down like he owes you something. It's basically effortless.

That's why feminists are happy about Taylor's public humiliation. They don't care about appeasement, they just want free shit. And now that they've found a weakness to exploit, they're going to milk this poor sop for everything they can.

That's what feminists mean when they say they're "not satisfied with a simple apology". They're really saying "let's see how deep this sucker's guilt goes. The deeper it goes, the more free shit we can get. And the more public we make his humiliation, the more we're likely to get out of other, similarly-influential men with messiah-complexes".

The only way to combat this is to come to a collective realization (as men) of how women apply these tactics against us. Stop feeling sorry for your power. Unless you were born into the 1%, then odds are you worked very hard for the power and influence that you have. You appreciate the value of that power because you suffered to earn it.

Never let anyone shame you into giving away your power. They won't appreciate it when you do (because they didn't suffer to earn it) and they'll respect you even less in the end. It's a losing proposition for everyone involved.

insickness · 2014-11-15T17:05:44+00:00

As some other people are saying in this thread, sometimes an apology is the best thing if you truly did fuck up. However, whenever I am getting ready to make an apology, I like to ask myself whether I can thank the person rather than apologizing.

For example, if you are running late. Instead of saying, "Sorry I'm late," say, "Thank you for waiting." It makes him feel better about himself. Instead of feeling slighted, he just did you a favor for which you are grateful. That's a much more positive spin to the relationship. In addition, one of the counter-intuitive rules of social dynamics is that when someone does you a favor, they like you more.

Kaelteth · 2014-11-15T15:00:27+00:00

You are correct in this context - don't apologize for bullshit.

But if you genuinely fuck up/make an error/etc, it shows a great deal of strength to face your superiors, admit the mistake, apologize for the error, and detail how said error will be prevented in the future.

Remember, in life, there are people in your life you are beneath, and properly showing respect is a path to get to their level.

TheGillos · 2014-11-15T18:15:22+00:00

I wish he had fake apologized in an over the top sarcastic way(while wearing the shirt).

Mechbiscuit · 2014-11-15T16:48:46+00:00

Going to have to agree with /u/Kaelteth on this one.

Don't apologize for bullshit.

Never apologizing is not a good idea, however. Of course there are circumstances where you should.

Rightly admitting fault is a strength. Refusing fault and believing you're "always right" means you think you're infallible. The ego in that is rooted in insecurity and insecurity is a weakness.

So, by never apologizing, you are displaying weakness.

Aneomorpheus · 2014-11-15T17:33:34+00:00

An apology is a social tool. Use apologies in certain social matters to get what you want. Never feel sorry or ashamed or guilty - perhaps that's a more appropriate post heading. Like OP said, a carefully worded and planned apology works wonders depending on the setting, especially if you want someone to think you're "honorable" or "respectful." Doesn't have to be a PR move in the grand sense, but an apology should be used for an end goal, it should not itself be the end goal.

Tom_And_Jerry · 2014-11-15T20:34:24+00:00

I've been kind of relating this whole thing to poker. If you're playing and in the middle of the hand show weakness, people will pounce on you and take your cash. Doesn't matter where you are, who you are, or what you are doing, people will pray on you to fulfill their own agenda, even if what you are doing doesn't necessarily conflict with theirs.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-11-15T21:30:31+00:00

It was given to him by a FEMALE CO-WORKER, as I understand it. LOL

Apologizing puts you on the defensive, and when you're being attacked by hyenas who have no honor, it validates their bullshit and makes it seem as if you are in the wrong.

VaginalFungus · 2014-11-16T05:20:59+00:00

Feminists say he deserved it because the shirt he was wearing offended them and was all-in-all mysoginistic.

So, he deserved it because of what he was wearing? How the turntables.

SgtTRP · 2014-11-15T17:16:34+00:00

This post is raising a good point and the example is spot on.

An apology can just be an acknowledgement of failure, without getting emotional, without admitting weakness. These are feminine components. Men are pragmatic and they don't need to see you vulnerable, they don't need to know you feel sorry.

I agree that phrases like "I'm so sorry" and "oh, I apologize" should be avoided most times.

Instead more masculine components of an apology should be emphasized:

Stating clearly what happened, what you did wrong. Shows you are grounded in reality and you will not try to run away responsibility.
Offering a fair compensation. Again taking responsibility and demonstrating you care about justice.
Explaining what you will do to avoid repeating the same mistake. Most of the time the other party just wants to make sure it won't happen again. You probably can't guarantee it won't happen again, but you can commit to necessary changes that will help you avoid repeating it.

Matt did the wrong thing. He cried like a bitch. He is no longer a man in my eyes. They've probably threatened to fire him. Science/academia is a very feminine field.

What he should have done was not to apologize for the sexist shirt but to admit it was a mistake and that he would start to wear formal clothes at such events now. Notice that this wouldn't admit there was anything sexist about the shirt. He would have simply ignored the feminist bullshit. Formal wear is always safe. The covert message, in such cases, shouldn't be I fucked up it should be you are too stupid.

mordanus · 2014-11-15T22:49:50+00:00

I honestly think that someone needs to make a marketing scheme here and start reproducing that shirt in mass amounts and selling it everywhere in the manosphere as a sign of solidarity with this man. Every man that makes an accomplishment from here on needs to wear it.

"I'm glad to accept this nobel prize and I'd like to point out how awesome my shirt it."

Men need to stand up and tell the SJWs of the world to shut up.

TheRealMouseRat · 2014-11-15T15:52:10+00:00

In this situation, and similar situations I think you are right. Apologizing here is bad. However, there are situations where apologizing, or at least admitting your own mistakes, is good. If you do it the correct way, it shows that you are not afraid to show your own weaknesses, which makes people think that you have little other flaws, which again gives you more status. Plus admitting your own mistakes shows that you are confident in your own abilities. This situation is different though, since the guy didn't make a mistake, he wore a shirt he had gotten from a friend.

GuideGhost · 2014-11-15T17:57:53+00:00

and I quote from the prophet CH:

VIII. Say you’re sorry only when absolutely necessary

Do not say you’re sorry for every wrong thing you do. It is a posture of submission that no man should reflexively adopt, no matter how alpha he is. Apologizing increases the demand for more apologies. She will come to expect your contrition, like a cat expects its meal at a set time each day. And then your value will lower in her eyes. Instead, if you have done something wrong, you should acknowledge your guilt in a glancing way without resorting to the actual words “I’m sorry.” Pull the Bill Clinton maneuver and say “Mistakes were made” or tell her you “feel bad” about what you did. You are granted two freebie “I’m sorry”s for the life of your relationship; use them wisely.

healious · 2014-11-16T00:34:50+00:00

he really should have just ignored all the bullshit. How many people is there that can do what he is capable of? I'm really doubting all that many. No way he would have been fired for refusing to comment

[deleted] · 2014-11-16T06:49:36+00:00

Never apologize to a feminist.

DavidsonFreeman · 2014-11-15T18:08:16+00:00

Apologies only help ruin people's careers. Matt Taylor, when interviewed, should have looked straight into the camera and said "Kiss my ass."

A few others who should have done this: Paula Deen Dr. Laura Bruce Levenson

AchillesOtherLeg · 2014-11-16T19:25:00+00:00

I like Xi Jinping for this one. Topical since it's in the news.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cpPgJKWe94

TLDW - at about 1 minute Xi finishes hearing bitch journalist and removes his earpiece, leaving it to the chairperson to move on with proceedings and have a Chinese journo ask something.

kanaduhisfruityeh · 2014-11-15T16:49:53+00:00

They may have threatened to fire him to get him to apologize.

SgtTRP · 2014-11-15T16:44:52+00:00

Goes to show that even if you don't do anything wrong, if your boss thinks you should apologize, you better do it.

FoxNewsBestNews · 2014-11-15T23:28:11+00:00

Never allow what you know to be good to be spoken of as evil. I think the bible says that somewhere.

Mrswhiskers · 2014-11-16T06:25:24+00:00

I just looked up that shirt. He shouldn't have apologized to feminists, but that was one dreadful looking shirt. If colors could make a sound that shirt would make the loudest most awful music known to man.

[deleted] · 2014-11-16T10:29:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

PlanB_pedofile · 2014-11-15T22:23:13+00:00

Guy should apologize for the shirt. He's on tv. Should of wore a suit or nice business long sleeve with tie. Instead he was dressed for beer night at the sports bar. Such poor business atire.

The work place should represent professionalism, not sloppy frat. If he wanted to dress weird then wear a funny tie in celebration. Not jeans and a shitty button up shirt.

Title	Never Apologise: A reminder from the Shirtstorm/Shirtgate controversy
Author	anonlymouse
Upvotes	173
Comments	68
Date	November 15, 2014 2:55 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2mdrll/never_apologise_a_reminder_from_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/never-apologise-a-reminder-from-the.24912 https://theredarchive.com/post/24912

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