Shit-talking: Saying things about other people in their absence which you otherwise wouldn't have said had the people in mention were present to hear it.

Why charismatic people don't shit-talk

Here's one thing you've probably noticed about really charismatic people - they never shit-talk about other people. They don't gossip, they don't talk about someone behind their back and they never try to defame anyone. If you think about any of the alpha men you know, there's a good chance that you don't associate such behaviour with their character. But why don't alphas shit-talk?

  • It's a weak, beta-mala behaviour

People who gossip and shit-talk do so because on some level, they feel threatened by the people they shit-talk about. Either they don't like them but are too scared to confront them directly, or they're scared that you will associate them with the people they're shit-talking about so they condemn them to prove that they're really not anything like them.

Alphas don't defame low-value people behind their back because alphas aren't threatened by them nor do they feel scared of being associated with them - they're so self-assured in their high value that being associated with "losers" doesn't even cross their subconscious minds.

  • It makes you look untrustworthy

Here's what I think when somebody starts shit-talking to me about other people: "You probably shit-talk about me too when I'm not present".

In most of the cases, it's not like the people just told you something that "they wouldn't have told anyone else". They would and they did - often about you.

If you stop judging and shit-talking other people, people will take notice of that and then they will start trusting you more, liking you more and sharing secrets with you more. They'll do so because they will know that you won't judge them nor do they lose their reputation because of it. (and when they share their secrets, keep them)

I could mention other reasons for why shit-talking is always a bad idea (it's a low-energy topic that doesn't add much fun or value to the conversation, it has risks associated with people finding out what you told about them behind their back, it's immoral, etc...) but I already mentioned the most important points so I'll stop here to be brief.

What to do when people start shit-talking to you about other people?

You can listen to them, ask them questions (what do you mean? when did he do that?) and look like you're considering what they're saying (which is almost never accurate nor showing the whole picture, so don't think too much about it). However, don't agree or disagree with anything and don't voice your opinion about the matter. What I also like to do is trying to point out some good things about the person they're shit-talking about (yeah but they're also really good at this...) or I try to come up with an understanding for why they're acting in such condemn-worthy way ("he's doing X because he thinks/feels Y" instead of: "He's doing X because he's a jerk").

One interesting thing about the nature of shit-talking

People are very, very, very often condemning others for things they subconsciously hate about themselves. If you listen to what they shit-talk other people for, you can see what they're insecure about.