This should actually be my "coming out of beta" post. Over the past couple of years I had several instances where I thought that now I've at least started my way of stopping to be a beta, but none of the previous incidents felt as real as what this post is about.

I've been with this chick for 7 years now, but we're not married - and as it stands, this is never going to happen. Just by looks she's easily an 8 or 9. In my opinion some chick being a 10 and not just a 9 is highly subjective so I'll leave it at that.

Of course when being such a hottie sex is always on the proposition table. However, since the start of the relationship our sex life was shit, save maybe for the first couple of weeks or handful of months. It was incredibly difficult to get her into the mood, and even then she always had a reason to pass by, starting with her difficult birth control (she's using a diaphragm, so every time we got hot together she'd have to go to the bathroom and affix that stuff, so the usual sentence was "I'm too tired to do that now", etc.) to various circumstances up to completely nonsensical stuff, which, though, wasn't easy to refute because of the way she presented it. Me being a major Beta (or worse) at that time didn't exactly help there.

Now, 7 years later, nothing has changed. We have Sex about once a month or so, if that.

(Please mind now that the following text is beta/blue pill-tinted to some extent, and to some degree intentionally so, serving as the setup of the realization that markedly made me depart from the blue pill reality)

A couple of days ago we were actually doing something together that was non-sexual (as rare as that is): we received new furniture and were setting it up together. Lets just say that she is utterly incapable of performing a group activity and reaching consensus with others on how to proceed in a given situation, but I'll spare you the crap details of that.

In any case, as underfucked as I was that day (and the whole month before that), I was pretty horny and must have given off exactly that vibe towards her, since I noticed a distinct resentment from her. Now, usually I don't see why it would be necessary to back off simply from feeling horny and just letting it show, but I realized that her resentment makes the task at hand unnecessarily difficult (no one else was at hand), so I decided to roll with that and constrained myself to not give any kind of sexual desire, sexual vibe or anything of the kind that could be construed as sexual towards her.

And it worked. She became more relaxed and come 5 o'clock, we were actually done setting up the room.

A short while later, though, I started to think. The train went something like this:

She's officially my girlfriend, we're a couple for 7 years now, she generally likes me most of the time, so why does she feel so negative about me having sexual attraction towards her and why doesn't she want to have sex more often with me?

Of course this wasn't the first time I was thinking about this topic (and overthinking it anyway), but this time something was different. Earlier that day, I realized that the best course of action to get the furniture done would be to restrain myself. Just for the moment, I inhibited myself, and in a way accepted, the circumstances, and it was this temporary acceptance that made me realize that the fact that she doesn't like it when she feels me being horny is an invariant.

The final realization now arose from that naturally: if it is an invariant that she doesn't like my sexual attraction, then the fact that we're in a relationship can not be a factor contributing to the modalities of the sex we're having - because if it were, I most likely would not feel like some random guy hitting on her and then getting rejected, which was the case all the time.

This created a (much needed) trench between when I wanted to believe about us and what was actually the case, and once that became clear to me a lot of things changed instantly - I could very clearly see her underlying motivation and the moves she is constantly making to keep me in check, all the Red Pill canon in gay display.

TL;DR: If she wouldn't fuck you as if her life depended on it before you committed into a relationship, she will not do it once you seal the deal - ever. It just doesn't work that way, no matter what has been ingrained into you by the society or by yourself.

For years I was the beta that believed that if only certain things happen, if only I'll be some kind of way or do some kinds of things, that her stance towards our sex will change. But it never will. If you're not the guy she'll fuck gladly and happily, you will not become that guy no matter what you do, and she will never do it. Hell, I even thought that if I get a better job and career prospect then she'll relent in some way. And I did. I greatly improved myself over the past few years, in parts even unrecognizably so, but I know now that nothing of this will ever change the fact that she just doesn't want to fuck me.

I'm not saying that depending on various circumstances you won't have more sex then. It's possible, but her inner evaluation of what kind of sex she thinks you deserve will never change.

Always keep that in the back of your head when thinking about whether to actually get into a relationship.

Further reading: https://therationalmale.com/2013/12/03/saving-the-best/