TL;DR: Hypergamous plate made me realize something today.

Body: I came to a realization today regarding a situation that a current plate has me in and thought I might share it in order to help some of you out there.

This plate has told me she loves me, she thinks of me all the time, we spend a few nights a week together and the sex is good. About a month ago I found out that she was going out with other guys behind my back and lying to me about it. AWALT. I have two other active plates anyway.

How I found out was figuring out her cell phone password and then checking it when she was out of the room. And oh, what I found in her text messages. Guys taking her to dinner, she made out with at least one of them, offered a dinner at her place to another and currently has a drinks date booked with another guy - tomorrow night - when last night we were together, had sex twice and she is introducing me to her family this weekend. Her words and her actions are totally opposite. We are supposedly exclusive (even though I'm not).

I got mad. Anxious all day. Didn't sleep last night. Thinking about confronting her during her date (since I know where they are meeting) and blowing her wide open. I was mad at myself for letting her lie to me and lead me on. Then I read the carousel post and the attached cum stain one (which is amazing) after thinking about it for a while came to this realization:

I cared too much. I cared enough to be suspicious and check her phone and found what I expected. The problem with that is it stems from my own insecurity. Me wanting to bust her during her date has nothing to do with her, it has everything to do with me being insecure and jealous. If I truly didn't care I wouldn't even think about it, because obviously she's going to do it anyway. She would do it to anyone, even guys she supposedly is in love with (like she has told me). I fell into the trap of caring about if she was with other guys instead of just assuming she would and not caring. This is a big step for my psyche.

This woman is going to do what she wants to do. It's my choice if I want to continue to torture myself knowing she's dating other guys, or just let it go completely and stop looking at her hypergamous texts and just enjoy her as I want to when we are together. It's a big mindset shift for me. I gave way too many fucks about this girl, enough to make myself sleepless and anxious for days about her hanging out with other guys.

This is my problem, not hers. She's doing what comes naturally to her. I'm the one with the problem tying my brain up in knots and that's what I need to work on.

Maybe some of you out there are in a similar situation and need to let it go. I know I do, and that's why I wrote this. Stop thinking that the feelings you're having are anyone else's property but your own, and adjust them according to how you want to feel.

Lessons learned: Look at yourself and remember that you can only control your own emotions and how you deal with things - not hers. Ask yourself if you started to care too much.