Trying to be more alpha, running into problems though

FinnianWhitefir · 2013-11-10T04:36:31+00:00

It all sounds familiar. Going to a therapist who was really logical and challenged all my assumptions and why I chose to do things helped me a ton. I could never by myself realize that I was socially awkward because I was constantly judged/criticized and then started subconsciously judging/criticizing myself, to the point where I knew going into every conversation I was going to fuck up, and then I'd spend so much brainpower trying not to fuck up that I wasn't really present and I'd fuck up. Just having that pointed out and realizing it did a ton to remove it.

You aren't awkward because you're awkward. You aren't awkward because you don't know what to say. You are awkward because a couple level deep in your mind, you are telling yourself "Don't be genuine and say anything, spend so much brainpower figuring out how to be cool, or how not to mess up, or how to be nice" that you aren't saying what is really you.

Polishrifle · 2013-11-09T23:04:16+00:00

Your biggest problem is that you're still putting the pussy on a pedestal. Your post wreaks of trying to do everything for pussy.

Stop.

Do the things that make you a man because YOU want them. Get out of this mindset of doing it for pussy or women because that is a losing mindset. Be the high value man that women want to be with and truly believe that you have value. Become self aware of the value you bring to the table.

_whistler · 2013-11-09T23:19:00+00:00

You have many excuses, my friend. They're all horseshit. Now pay attention.

You're too "self-aware" to pump yourself up. You were diagnosed with Asperger's. Maybe you're not smart. Maybe you're worthless. Maybe no one will ever love you. Cut the crap.

You have a ballsack. Reach down and feel it. Is it there? Assuming you said yes, hold on to it for a sec. Give it a yank. Firmly attached? Better make sure. Give it another yank. Yup, not going anywhere.

This is all you need. Your balls. They're right there, they're always with you. They are your best friends. They want to help you. I'm not talking about your dick, that guy can be unreliable. But your balls? They're your heroes.

Your balls will help you lift that weight. You balls will remind you to stand tall with the proper fucking posture of a man instead of the please-don't-yell-at-me hunched slouch of a mewling maggoty shittard. Your balls will look back at you in the mirror every day and tell you in the voice of almighty Zeus: You are the shit. You are a god. You are MAN, dammit, the finest creature on this hunk of rock floating through space.

You think you're lying to yourself when you tell yourself you're the shit?

Remember your balls.

You're worried that a diagnosis of Aspergers makes it impossible for you to be as good at whatever-the-fuck as other guys?

Remember your balls.

You freeze when you talk to a woman?

Remember your balls.

Live through them. Breathe through them. Feel the thrill of having them. Your balls are the key to everything you want out of life. You just have to learn to use them.

This has been a brief public service announcement about your balls. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

raloa · 2013-11-09T23:16:29+00:00

My god.

Step 1: Stop giving a fuck.

There is no step 2.

Once you stop giving a fuck you can really do what you want.

ThisisMalta · 2013-11-09T23:38:48+00:00

Wanna know the secret to not being "worried" mid conversation that the conversation was dying, or that you may freezse up? DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. Who cares, you don't always need to be saying something. Make eye contact, keep confident posture, when the silence starts she may shit-test you or start trying to keep the convo going because she is interested--or not, and the interaction will end, and you'll be that much better at interacting with another female human.

Stevieb1972 · 2013-11-10T04:49:00+00:00

Don't repeat something is a lie to yourself "I'm the shit..." Reframe it to a truth "I am more clear, confident, and mentally healthy right now than I have ever been in my entire life..."

Cuz if you're here, then it's true...

SpecialFester · 2013-11-10T01:36:54+00:00

A lot of really disengenous things said in the comments. I really hope you guys have something better than that, cuz I'm sure to him your lack of actionable advice sounds an awful lot like "You're right. It indeed is hopeless."

"Step 1: Stop giving a fuck" Get real.

magicalbird · 2013-11-09T23:39:49+00:00

weird most of my life.

Reminds me of myself a few years ago being a gamma which is the lonesome outsider

Im just not sure if it is even possible for someone in my position or if physical fitness and looking good will be enough to give me a chance. Woman seem to be very unforgiving when it comes to social awkwardness, judging from some of the attempts i have made.

After learning r/seduction, r/theredpill, Heartiste game blog posts, and other resources I decided to stop giving so many fucks and went out to meet women. Things didn't change overnight although I was able to bring myself from gamma stage to close to the renegade alpha stage by learning my own methods of charisma even if a little different than the true alpha male.

mister_zd · 2013-11-10T01:36:17+00:00

I'll keep a close eye on this post and replies to it because you sound like me.

What I can tell you is that improvement is slow and... bitter... but it does happen and I do see results even if subtle for now.

HanSwoleOh · 2013-11-10T01:38:17+00:00

First, do you have friends? Friends should be your primary goal, as they're far more important that flirting and fucking. Cultivate friendships.

Then, when you first meet women, basically treat them like your friends. Women don't want to be worshipped, if you treat them like anyone else, they'll like you.

UselessMaxims · 2013-11-10T01:44:36+00:00

Start muay thai. It will help you immensely. You will be in better shape, have some solid training partners/place to meet some quality bros, and that added confidence that comes with the ability to handle yourself in a fistfight.

ChaoticParadox · 2013-11-10T06:42:38+00:00

You're not weird, you're human. Society, and by that I mean Feminism, has conditioned you to view yourself as low value.

I have seen what seems like progress I guess, seems like woman are at least nicer to me now. Some of them seem to like me at times now too, but I never know what to do with that in the moment or I puss out. Nervousness takes over. Ive only really dated one person in my life seriously so im not that experienced.

That's fine. Those reactions are to be expected, all things considered.

To alleviate yourself of that nervous tension you feel, you need to break yourself of the thought pattern that there's only one "correct" way to conduct yourself in order to have any success with women. You're holding yourself up to truly impossible standards thinking like that, and it's making you freeze like a deer caught in headlights cause you're totally at a loss for whatever this nebulous "correct" action is to take when interacting with women you like.

Whatever happens happens, man. That's all there is to it. And about your depression and self-awareness. People really are judging you, there's no need to doubt that or worry over it. People judge. We're ALWAYS judging. We're always analyzing. We judge what we see all around us, other people, and even ourselves. And people are always judging you. Not in the sense that everyone on the planet is paying attention to your every slip up and mistake, but if someone sees you fuck up, you better believe they're judging you for it. (How they judge you is entirely up to their unique perspective, and that's not necessarily the end all be all of reality.)

Just because people are judging you, it doesn't make them right, of course. They don't know you, or what you were actually thinking when you did whatever it is you are worried about, or what motivates you, etc. People make snapshot judgements all the time based on prior knowledge and observations from their life experiences. That doesn't actually really mean anything though. It's just what THEY think. What they think doesn't have to be what you think. What matters most of all in life, truly, is what you think of yourself. When you think about it, that's all you have. If you're trapped in a dark room, tied up in a straight jacket, all you have is your thoughts.

Now let's follow this extreme outside the box line of reasoning for a second more, shall we? If all you really are, at your core, is your thoughts, then judging yourself poorly is the worst thing you could possibly do to yourself. Life begins and ends for all of us through our individual perspectives.

Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, and all the many many more mistakes you are bound to make in your lifetime. You're not perfect, you will never be perfect, (nobody is perfect) and there's not a god damn thing wrong with that. Life is the journey. Choose to learn and grow from your experiences so that you are better able to handle yourself in the future.

When you choose to judge yourself in a positive optimistic light, and silence negative unhelpful thoughts and images you allow your mind to conjure about yourself, you will begin to behave and act more confidently. Confidence begins with positivity. Choose to actively think positively from now on. Forgive yourself for thinking negatively when you catch yourself doing it, as this is going to take a great amount of effort to overcome at first, but it really is possible for anyone to do.

jacbo · 2013-11-10T12:25:42+00:00

Contrary to some of the advice here Aspergers is not something that can easily be dismissed with flowery words. Aspergers can have an effect, but that affect does not have to be negative.

To reach your goal, which seems to be self esteem and confidence, you need to push yourself. Getting fit is a good start, dressing well is better, but none of it has any value if the rest of your existence has no meaning.

Something that had great benefit for me when I was a hyper blueballs beta was rock climbing and abseiling. The fear of abseiling is ultimately what helped me overcome the fears of social interaction, which stem from a fear of judgement.
Once you run off a cliff face first there is little else that you can be afraid of.
Rock climbing is a different fear, it's fear of giving in, of panicking. Climbing a cliff (or indoor wall) is a battle of will against yourself and what you think you can do.
If you add these types of activities together you learn what you can actually do when you step up and be awesome.
There's nothing a woman can do to me that will give me more fear than what I have already done to myself.

My point being; get uncomfortable, do things that make you feel real fear. Not silly anxiety, but ball shrinking, ass clenching, heart stopping fear.

Ultimately all other things serve the task of dealing with fear. When you face fear and stare it down, then you are person worthy of leading.
Leading is alpha.

alt30313 · 2013-11-10T00:17:19+00:00

First Read the entire side bar.

Recognize changing your self and creating new habits will not be easy. TRP is not a quick fix or cheap seduction tactics to get you laid. Decide if you really want to be the best you, you can be and what you will do to become that person. Don't focus on women and your results with them focus on yourself and develop an IDGF attitude. Your worth is not determined by your success with women.

Learn to accept/love yourself
workout and eat right (see sidebar)
Develop hobbies that will allow you to interact with people and you can excel at.
Develop a sense of style. Dress in clothes that fit and flatter your body type
Confidence with women will be developed through experience. Put yourself out there. Accept you might get rejected a lot at first.
Don't let women take advantage of you, don't be a "nice" guy ...
Exploit your address book and hangout with guys that are good at getting laid
If you want to, lower your standards and/or date down or up (age) to gain confidence and experience. Don't develop feelings/oneitis use the woman to be a better you (I'm not advocating you treat them like shit. Things can be mutually beneficial)
Some people may advocate sex therapy with a sex therapist... Sex isn't a big deal .. fake it till you make it or you can be honest if you are dating down (don't be a whiney bitch about it)... haven't looked but I'm sure you could buy video tutorials online (trial and error/experience will make the biggest impact)
,,,

Title	Trying to be more alpha, running into problems though
Author	YessingtoHard
Upvotes	22
Comments	25
Date	November 9, 2013 10:45 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1q9sje/trying_to_be_more_alpha_running_into_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/trying-to-be-more-alpha-running-into-problems.7816 https://theredarchive.com/post/7816

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