Potential trigger warning -

I was dating someone for some time and we once we became sexual he had lots of issues with staying hard because of using condoms allegedly. I stuck to my guns and said I refused to have unprotected sex for a myriad of reasons and it was just something I was uncomfortable with. I never ever do it and it is something I am unwilling to negotiate.

A few weeks ago we had sex and I thought I felt him try or slightly initiate unprotected sex and when I asked that he put protection on, as I had so many times in the past he said he would. I unfortunately ignored my intuition. More recently we were fooling around and he straight up stuck his dick in me, unprotected without asking and kept going for quite a while. In the past we always discussed whether to use condoms beforehand to which I always said it was a must, or at least asked if I wanted to have sex.

I completely dissociated as I was quite shocked and upset. He knew my boundaries with this and even so it was extremely rude to not even ask or talk about protection as had been done in the past.

I am extremely hurt and trying to make sense of this experience, I have obviously not been in contact with him and plan on never speaking to him again. The hard part is we have mutual friends, one leans more toward my side but a lot of them see him as this really lovely genuine guy (as I did in the beginning) he has also been verbally and in my opinion, emotionally abusive to some degree. I don’t know what to tell them when they inevitably ask me what happened, or hear from him that I have ghosted him for “no reason”. Any advice will be welcomed, thank you for reading