About 7 months ago, I (19F) met a guy on Tinder (28M). and we decided to keep things casual (similarly to fwb's?!) but he mentioned that it can become serious. We met twice, held hands, and kissed...I told him that I won't have sex with him (due to religious reasons).

I was worried about getting COVID since he had Tinder. We had an argument about it and he deleted it. We agreed to see each other about twice a month.

However, we didn't. He said that his sister gave birth which changed his perspective on going out (due to COVID). After that, he started being distant and rarely texts me. When I asked him, he said he's busy with the baby. 

During that time we had many arguments- mostly me expressing to him I don't like feeling like an object and forcing him to "label" us and him saying that "if we decide to date it will be way into the future..you're too young..I don't want to take away from your life." I do take responsibility and feel guilty for continually arguing with him although we had met only twice. Some of his comments during arguments:

  • "it was like easy with her" (his other fwb)
  • “I don’t want you worrying about my other girls. I want your focus to be on you”
  • "Let me know if you wanna be my main (person to make him cum)" (apparently this was a joke but still disrespectful)
  • "I'm not good at texting"
  • “I’d marry you” “I’m crazy about you” “I’m attached to you that’s why I’m telling you about her instead of lying”

Anyways, one time we had a big fight that ended in him saying “We met twice. Live your life. I’m not it.”

We stopped talking for a month, and he started texting again, and we decided to meet up.

The night before, he asked "Why do you want to see me? Do you think we'll get married one day or do you just want to try out things (sexual reference). I replied with "there's no way in hell I'm marrying anyone, especially you, just no." (my ego was hurt from him saying "live your life" a few months earlier so I obviously lied.)

After that, he cancelled a few times due to being busy. We finally met about a week ago. He was different. No hand holding, we just made out and didn't even talk. Unlike the other times we met, he never asked when to see me again, we just hugged at the end. He did mention that he hadn’t seen anyone in the past 7 months due to being busy. He said things like “you’re mysterious, weird, don’t let people know what you think.” (which is ironic after this many arguments). He suggested we go to a restaurant and I said “we both don’t want to be seen with each other in public”, which he replied to by saying “that’s rude...and proceeded by listing the places that he doesn’t want to be seen with me.”

A few days later, I felt bad for saying that so I suggested going to a hotel to watch a movie and talk..he said “I can’t justify that”…whatever that means (this was the same day I ended things bc I felt like I was the only one putting in effort).

I tried to pretend that I’m fine without a label and  asked him how often he thinks we should see each other, and he said "I don't know, I'm not looking for hookups right now." So I asked if he thinks we should stop seeing each other and he replied with "No, just, what then after seeing each other?." I asked what do you think and he replied with "nothing good" so I replied with "we should stop then if you don't see something good coming out of it" and he replied with:

“I don’t know what you expect.” “I’m busy right now, not thinking about this.” "don't be dramatic."

A few days later,

Me: “I don’t wanna see you anymore. I know you don’t like labels, but I like knowing everything. And I know you don’t know and are busy, but you can always text me when you figure it out.”

Him: “ ;( Ok, sorry”

Me: “I just think you’re at the point of actually wanting to date someone and we know it can’t be me bc of age and all of these things. So it’s ok. Take care.”

Him: sends 2 goodnight stickers …….

At this point I just feel guilty for no reason. I feel as if I didn't make it clear enough that I see a possible serious relationship with him. I just can't find closure and I don't know if I should text him again. 

  • Someone commented this on a post “I think he likes you a lot. Like really really likes you. He told you about his other girl. If he was just trying to have sex with you on the regular (FWB) he would never reveal something like that. Him constantly asking you about marriage and bringing it up is probably because he truly loves you and wants to consider marrying you, but from what you said you didn’t answer those questions honestly. You can be more than a FWB with him, if you wanted to. Sounds like this man wants to marry you. I feel like the hesitation and him holding back is his indecisiveness about you. He’s invested in you emotionally and wants the best for you. And it seems like, to him, if you don’t want a serious relationship then just having sex with him isn’t in your best interest.”

Now I can't stop feeling guilty and obsessing over it. I also feel bad for arguing with him too much in the beginning when he seemed sort of interested, and for ending things instead of spending time with each other and showing him that I can be fun and interesting (I tend to be quiet and nervous in the beginning) but alas.