Husband left, how to move on?

Classic500 · 2020-11-12T21:49:07+00:00

You're mourning the end of the relationship. It's ok to be sad but remember that you won't be sad forever. I find browsing the FDS sub with the empowering messages helps distract me.

Jinxhourglass · 2020-11-13T14:53:45+00:00

I don’t know if you got a lawyer yet but please see one ASAP. I saw your other post where you said your husband asked for more phone privacy and that he blindsided you with asking for a divorce. He is obviously cheating. You can’t fix this. You will get the best outcome if you have a lawyer instead of letting him try to force you into following his laundry list of demands so that he doesn’t divorce you. He’s probably stalling so he has more time to figure things out.

CelebrationKey · 2020-11-13T02:25:27+00:00

The only mistakes I can see is; choosing a man who could not support a family and then moving to be with him. His failure is choosing his relatives over his wife and children. If you needed extra help and support he should have provided that for you. Housekeeper, nanny, whatever when his family wouldn't step in.

Is there a particular reason you assumed his family would help you? Like did he tell you this himself?

Anodynic · 2020-11-12T22:32:26+00:00

The thing I don't understand after glancing your post history is why do you think he would screw you over. Does he seem cold and calculating, yes, but I feel like there is a piece missing from this story. Why did he go from totally loving and your best friend to someone who suddenly wants to divorce you, aggressively pursue custody (as you stated) and to someone you're afraid will screw you over?

I think this is relevant to the advice, personally, as you're seeming completely defensive ("kicking yourself for what you did wrong") rather than being aggressive, angry, upset, confused like most people would be when blindsided with a divorce. The only person in this world whose actions you can control are your own at the end of the day, and I think it's important to be honest about what happened until this point so that you can avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future, whether it be your own doing (ej infidelity, if it happened, or something along those lines) or by choosing a LVM.

MakeURegret · 2020-11-14T03:30:24+00:00

What does the lawyer say about moving? Can you move back towards your family?

That is so messed up that he tricked you into moving towards his family saying they’d help and then they didn’t.

oscine23 · 2020-11-15T05:11:07+00:00

You may find through therapy that he did you a favor. My friend's husband left her when she was pregnant with their second child. He had been cheating and was feeling himself and 'wasn't ready' suddenly. He went and got an apt and was really feeling himself with his little side chick. Three years later she's single, doing great, is an awesome mom, and he's trying to get her back. SMH.

This is probably one of the worst things that will ever happen to you but you will get through it. You know why? Because you have to, for your sake and your babies. You're about to learn just how strong you are.

Keep going to counseling. Lean on your friends and family. You're blaming yourself, but should you be? I mean, what kind of man walks out on his pregnant wife? Is he providing financially in the interim? Make sure you get everything you need financially in the divorce and change the locks.

As heartbroken as you are, now is the time to be smart. Keep hanging out here. Your perspective might change on your husband and you may find that divorcing him is the beginning, not the end. I'm sorry this is happening to you. ❤

Crushed_Avocado · 2020-11-19T05:20:55+00:00

First, as a mother with a child to care for, and pregnant too, you need to survive. How? Compartmentalise. Assign a time every day to let lose with the pain and feelings, after your child is asleep perhaps? Then let it out. Feel it, be raw. Then wash your face, and do some self care....paint your nails, buy a foot scrub, watch some comedy, anything. Then get some sleep, and wake up and brush your teeth and do what you have to. Rinse and repeat day after day after day and it WILL get easier.

Once you’re out of the survival stage, comes the processing. Look at what you need to fix in yourself that you stayed with someone who clearly didn’t value you. Then start to value yourself. It’s going to be hard, because you feel like shit, you’re probably still crying every night, you’re tired, you feel you have to put a brave face on...but start. How would you talk to yourself if you were your own daughter in this predicament? Think nice thoughts about yourself, affirmations, start small if it feels weird. Have a cute smile? Are you kind? Are you tougher than you look? Go with something identifiable and build on it.

It gets better. One morning you wake up and don’t think about them and how they hurt you. Hey, one day the AMAZING day comes when you realise you would t even look at them twice if they crossed you on the street. And one day you realise you haven’t even thoughts of them in weeks. Then you’ll notice other men, better men, you’ll make friends, you’ll value yourself, and your tolerance for being treated poorly will be very very low.

This is the beginning of you being an amazing powerful example of strength and resilience to your children.

Grow so much that you heal the hole he left, so that there’s no room for him to come back. And he will try to come back, when he sees your life improving he’ll come knocking, wanting to enjoy the fruits of your hard work without having contributed. Don’t let him in.

Love and all the best

Title	Husband left, how to move on?
Author	LegitimateServe7
Upvotes	76
Comments	13
Date	November 12, 2020 9:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/jt3dfz/husband_left_how_to_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/husband-left-how-to-move-on.1068180 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068180

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