Basic Question about covert contracts

FunkyModem · 2023-07-11T10:04:45+00:00

"I spend time with my wife, when I can and want to, because I enjoy it. She's interesting and fun sometimes, she's anxious and stressed sometimes. She pokes fun at me or complains sometimes (AA/AM), sometimes she wants advice (lead), sometimes I just listen to her vent or worry and I give her a hug (be the oak). I never know what I'll get but whatever it is I soak up that feminine energy and radiate my own masculine. She'll test me and I'll tease her. She spots my bullshit and I see hers. Frequently this leads to good sex but it's not the only time we have sex or the only reason, or why I spend time with my wife. If my wife isn't enjoyable to be around (and that doesn't mean because she's unhappy or testing me) or doesn't appreciate me being around, I'm not, I've got other ways to spend my valuable time. This doesn't necessarily mean we won't have sex. And if we don't, I'm not concerned, I've got other shit to focus on and it'll come soon enough."

This is my attempt to describe the end goal and nuance but there's a lot of steps and internal work to get there. Right now it is a covert contract, for you, but little by little, you can take the steps to cancel it out and by doing so, remove the need for it to have existed in the first place.

There's something to be said for connecting intimacy with sex but that's for another day.

Tyred_Biggums · 2023-07-11T09:53:22+00:00

The way you stated it is a covert contract. “If I withdrawal my attention, she’ll fuck me”. That’s retard thinking.

That’s not what is being advocated for.

You go do something better with your time than dealing with a frigid wife. She may or may not fuck you - it’s of no consequence.

Worldly_Preference_4 · 2023-07-11T08:24:51+00:00

A covert contract is basically when you do something for someone else with the unstated expectation that your needs will be met in return. Fulfilling your wife’s desire for attention and then expecting that she will fuck you would be a covert contract. Withdrawing attention isn’t a covert contract because you’re not fulfilling your wife’s needs by doing that, unless your wife finds you annoying as fuck and wishes you would just stfu.

IamJacksFailedRep · 2023-07-11T08:59:14+00:00

Think about it harder.

She decides to not give you value. Whether its sexual rejection, generally being miserly or whatever else you don't enjoy.

Then, you are withdrawing your value that you are (probably unconditionally right now) giving to her, attention, affection.

Instead of being in orbit of her frame, do your own shit and enjoy life doing what you want.

You have it backwards, as you are thinking that withdrawing your attention is a magic bullet that will get you laid when she misses your attention. The tools fix you, not the relationship.

Sepean · 2023-07-11T14:58:17+00:00

It’s a covert contract when you make a imaginary agreement in your head, like if I fix the fence she’ll fuck me. It doesn’t work that way.

Doing effective work to achieve a goal isn’t a covert contract.

If you want to win an MMA amateur fight, going to MMA training isn’t a covert contract, it’s real work. You can’t guarantee a win, but you’re doing the right thing for the right reason.

A covert contract would be meditating and believing you’ll win because of your spiritual balance.

You could also be half assing your sparring and feeling you deserve to win because “you put in the hours”. You see that version of covert contract sometimes from guys who lift and get butthurt that they still have to pass shit tests.

Meteor1x · 2023-07-11T09:57:18+00:00

I feel generous today, I'll give you the cheat code:

"Outcome indipendence"

AbeWasHereAgain · 2023-07-11T13:24:41+00:00

Yes, and it also has you operating on her terms (i.e. she does X, and then you do Y).

It's really about making sure that you register what is going on. At the end of the day, she just doesn't feel she needs to put in the effort to do what you want to do. Now I'm not saying every single time this happens you should internalize it, but if it starts happening enough, you might be better served putting YOUR effort into another person (i.e. yourself or another woman)

It's important to note that many women may not fully understand the message they are sending when they do this, which is why it's important that you tell them at some point.

deerstfu · 2023-07-11T13:53:27+00:00

You can be aware that action x (withdrawing attention) may lead to y (wife becomes interested in sex), but it's only a covert contract if y is the express purpose of x. Start thinking about what you really want to do with your time. If the answer is hang out with your wife and do what she wants even though she isn't fucking or behaving how you like, then do it. That's probably not the case though. You probably have better things to do. So you do them. And, when you're happy with her behavior, you may want to hang out with her more, but, often, you'll probably still have better things to do. So you do them.

This may be harder than it sounds. It was for me. But keep practicing it and be on guard to make sure your actions aren't directed solely toward manipulating your wife. It gets easier.

RStonePT · 2023-07-13T18:28:36+00:00

You're going to where you're being given the most value. you have no expectations, hence no contract

Kevlar__Soul · 2023-07-11T14:24:26+00:00

Its a covert contract in the sense your expecting a change in behavior while not expressly telling her. Difference is your not doing something for her benefit and expecting something in return so it’s not a nice guy CC. Following read pilled teachings with the goals of getting sex from your wife is technically a covert contract. It all comes down to why you making these changes in your life. Do you measure success in your self improvement by how many times you get laid a month?

I always considered pulling attention as a useful but dangerous tactic as it’s depends heavily on frame. The line between pulling attention from a position of strength and being passive aggressive/withdrawn (victim triangle) nice guy is very thin.

Praexology · 2023-07-11T21:23:55+00:00

Autistic Interpretation of Covert Contracts:

Any unspoken social contract between me and my ltr is bad and makes me look weak.

It is bad to have expectations that I don't communicate even though I am also being frustrated about them. Despite this, I further invest into said paradigm that the expectation should be satisfied and that my gf/wife is being an ontologically evil bitch by leveraging the discomfort the necessary conflict would give me to make me not bring it up.

I will instead make everything overt and transactional so that I know I will always get what I want for the absolute minimum emotional price costed to me. I will value leech the women in my life, but it will at least be above board despite it making me unattractive.

(Ironically, I will still get better results because being a passive aggressive butthurt pussy is even MORE unattractive.)

Title	Basic Question about covert contracts
Author	COMoparfan392
Upvotes	17
Comments	27
Date	July 11, 2023 7:36 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/14wkb44/basic_question_about_covert_contracts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/basic-question-about-covert-contracts.1224826 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224826

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