I was out of town for a few days for a training seminar. This gave me an opportunity for self reflection, monitoring progress and taking stock of the situation. I realized that I had been getting a lot of servant tests, and that I had been failing them more often than I liked. Here are a few examples within 24 hours of my return from the seminar: 1. In the car, she on the passenger seat: Can you change the radio station? 2. Stepped out of the car: Oh I forgot to leave my XYZ in the car, can you leave it in the car? 3. I need you to do two things for me , one can you plug my ipad in the charger (she is sitting in bed, and the charger is on her side of the bed. I am on my side of the bed). I complied instinctively on # 1 and 2, and realized a few seconds later what I had done. The third one I said "no, the charger is right by you." This lead to a mini blow-up,"I have seen you have been acting cocky, we are supposed to do things together etc etc." I responded "I don't know what you are talking about." Huffs and puffs, plugs her phone in, and goes to bed, turns her back towards me. I continue sitting in my lounge chair, reading emails on my phone. Then, grabbed a book, turned the lights out and went to the family room. Spent about 45 min taking stock of what had just happened, then read a couple of chapters, and returned to bed. I got in, slid my hand under her shoulder and pulled her in. Held on tightly to her, kissed on her forehead.....she tried weakly, and unsuccessfully to force out of my grip, then I let go and went to sleep. Woke up to pee early AM, and tried again, same result. I did this trying to assess how 'pissed' she was, and to diffuse the situation. In the AM wished her good morning, no response....blocked her way, looked in her eyes, wished her good morning again, this time a timid good morning. She has been messaging me mundane shit/logistics since then....

What has also been happening in the last couple days: I have said 'no' to a couple of discretionary spending requests; rejected starfish once, called it boring. Oh, also got called a refined and socially acceptable equivalent of 'asshole' yesterday. I didn't recognize it until a few minutes later, but had employed STFU anyway.

Now, I think these were not comfort tests. She and the kids did miss my absence, even told me as much several times, but to my mind these were tests to see if I am still in her frame.

I know I am changing, and she is noticing the changes. I do come across as butthurt sometimes, because I am butthurt at those time. My frame is probably mild aluminum at this time, far form titatnium. Its slow progress.

There really isn't a question here, just a report of progress. I am still new to this, and do look for vets like Arch, Scrurv, Professor for feedback. Thanks gents !