I have always taken good care of my family and worked to make sure we wer financially secure and comfortable. We have been together 9 years and have a 4 year old. I have landed in the hospital 3 times over the past year. Lately my business just seems to not inspire me anymore and I have been dealing with depression and not wanting to get out of bed, and have felt suicidal. I right through this and make it to work and get the bills paid. I cannot think of a reason for this depression except not being able to fulfill a desire to travel due to work commitments and financial goals.

I realized how precarious this situation was and decided to address it from multiple angles by changing diet, going to the gym, seeing a therapist, and reading daily stoicism and other philosophies.

Things seemed to be going well. I started reading on here about 2 years ago and was able to tame the constant bickering and get back into the bedroom by not being so needy. I have a decent circle of respectable male friends and we talk regularly on the phone about life advice and our relationships. I knew usually to keep my concerns and doubts and life questions away from my spouse as it was not the counsel I sought and did not want to appear not in control. When my emotions or lack of energy got so severe I thought it would be fine to disclose how I have been feeling. At first she was receptive and sympathetic and explained she loved me and was not sure what she would do without me. My friend came up from Florida for a funeral and had to drive a vehicle back and I thought it would be a good opportunity to take a break and spend some time with friends for 3 days and fly back. I went and she was not happy, but seemed fine. Immediately upon returning back she started treating me like shit. Spending what she wants unnecessary. She even said she's in charge. She proceeded to bicker about small things around the house the way she did before I found MRP. Playing shit tests like " You should have been here before I texted you not when"

I was never one to take sympathy for mental health issues, but now at 30 with a stable life my own mind is putting me through the ringer. I would normally tell myself to stop bitching, but it seems deeper than that. I acknowledge this is my problem and need to address it. I have no idea how. The lack of stability in my household that I believe was caused by exposing my vulnerability is only making it worse. The worst part is that without me being healthy and able everything will surely fall to shit for myself, her , and our child.