Hello guys,

I have been reading a lot for the past 6 months (started with No More Mr Nice Guy, moved into The Rational Male and evolved to a couple of texts I found online). It was refreshing to find this subreddit - it's good to know you're not alone!

Here's my background: I've been with my SO for almost 10 years now. Living together for the past 6 years, married for almost 3. I deeply love her and I believe we are a great match. But she has been suffering from depression for the past 4 years or so - sometimes mild and almost non noticeable, sometimes quite strong.

And this sometimes puts me in a dilemma: how much should I accommodate to her needs because of her condition and make the effort to make this whole thing work, and how far should I go in standing my ground, setting my boundaries and waiting for her to adapt?

I also have my issues (ADHD/anxiety) and she's super supportive, so it's a fine balance. Sometimes it feels like it's the best partner in the world, sometimes I get myself asking what am I doing here.

In reading No More Mr Nice Guy, TBH I sometimes felt that if I followed exactly what Dr Glover says the marriage would fall apart given the circumstances - maybe I got this bias from him giving only examples of guys leaving their depressed wives, not someone making it work.

I know there's no black or white answer to this. But I'd love to hear your thoughts on that, specially if anyone else here has been in a similar situation.

Edit for clarity I have been working out for a while now. Back to lifting and BJJ after years away.

But more than that, I've been working with her on her mental disorder for the past 5 years or so - therapists, psychiatrists, etc. Thought it was important to write that to say that she has a serious clinical condition (some days cannot leave bed, etc.), which got worse after we had to move countries and she left her job because of my career. This doesn't remove her responsibility from taking care of her own life, but it's not that she's just comfortably cruising on my money.

Thanks for the great answers guys!! And please, send more!