First, a bit of back story. My wife has a bit of an issue with anger outbursts when things don't transpire exactly as she has planned in her head, and has shown a propensity for kicking me while I'm down.

For the last three weeks, she's been battling with a case of strep throat that outlasted the first course of antibiotics, only to come back with a vengeance requiring a second course. I thought I had managed to fade catching this, but Monday morning started to feel a little funny, and had a tickle in my throat. Uh oh. By that afternoon, I was in the doctors office shaking with cold, and getting a prescription for by own course of antibiotics. Get home, don't really feel like dinner, so have a couple of peices of fruit and head to bed feeling like absolute hell. I have a fitful night's sleep, with shivers and sweats, razorblades in my throat, the whole 9 yards.

The next morning as she's getting the kids ready for school, I hear her start blowing up about something to the kids, then stomp stomp stomp down the hall.

Her: "DID YOU EAT MY MANDARIN?"

Me (Groggily due to illness, sleep etc): "What?"

Her: "DID YOU EAT MY MANDARIN?"

Me (Remembering that I like to eat fruit): "Probably."

Her: "THAT WAS FOR MY LUNCH YOU FUCKTARD!!!" before storming back down the hall.

I'm as sick as shit, coming off an awful night's sleep, so spend the next few minutes trying to work out whether that actually happened or if its some kind of illness and drug induced hallucination. I ultimate decide that it actually happened. She ends up leaving with the kids without either (a) sending them down to say goodbye to me, or (b) coming and saying goodbye herself. Meh, I'm sick as hell, so care factor for anything else is pretty low, and even if not, have developed much better NGAFability to petty shit like this.

By the evening, I'm feeling slightly better, and emerge at about 7pm. I'm mildly helpful getting the kids to bed, and then wrap up on the couch. Feeling better than I was in the morning, but still in a pretty sorry state. If I was a zebra, I would be the first one targeted by the lions.

She comes in and sits down.

Me: "So about your outburst this morning, was that like some special, magical mandarin?" (Delayed AM attempt. Mistake to try and engage when feeling and looking so well below par.)

Her: Glare

Me: "Really. What was so special about it that it justified an outburst like that?" (Another mistake. Moved from AM to a rational argument. I mentioned I was sick, right?)

Her: "You know that I take one for my lunch each day, and it was clearly the last one in the bowl." then launches into this giant rant about how I never think of anyone other than myself, how I am this super selfish being who doesn't care about how she feels, with most examples relating to how I eat her food or drink her beers when I should know that she has them saved for later. She wraps it up with how this makes her feel like I just dont care about her, and how because of this she doesn't enjoy spending time with me anymore.

Me (deadpan, a few beats after she finishes her rant): "Ok"

Her: "And that's the worst part. You don't care how I feel and you don't give a fuck about it"

Me: "Yup"

Amazingly, this looks like I've backed into a successful outcome. Sure, there was some nasty disrespect in the morning, which I didn't address correctly or timeously, and only served to have her launch into unloading a shit storm of her feelings on me. But I've then managed to deflect all of them and hold frame by uttering only a couple of sylabbles, and had her confirm that my DGAF attitude is being recognised. Very valuable feedback, very positive outcome.

We watch TV in silence for an hour or so before I get up, say goodnight and receive a grunted response, and then have another fitful night's sleep. There is another exit in the morning without saying goodbye, although this time she does send the kids down to see me before they leave. She then sends a text mid afternoon asking if I am going to feel up to having a spa tonight, which is basically her apologising by initiating sex. I respond positively, and although I'm still too sick to feel up to doing anything that night, she is nice, pleasant, and good company all evening. The force is back in balance.

TL, DR: I got sick, ate some fruit, appeared weak so was yelled at for eating fruit, weathered a shit storm of feeling based concerns, but held frame and came out with positive feedback and a positive response while still in the sick/weak phase.