Freak outs during driving

2015-11-11T16:20:02+00:00

Since I'm a fantastic driver, yet get the micromanagement sometimes depending on her mood (FYI: my wife drives distractedly and tailgates, she has no room to criticize), I'm going to assume you're an OK to average driver.

Depending on if she has a heart condition you could do what I do.

If my wife comments on my driving I (within safety limits) "enhance" the driving experience.

Going too fast? I slow down to a ridiculous crawl.

Going too slow? I check my 6's for cops then gun the accelerator.

Weaving is fun.

Lurching the car by gunning it.

Demonstrate (consistently) that commenting on your driving gets her the opposite of what she wants.

Also, can just keep driving like you normally do while interjecting

"WHEW, glad I have you in the car. 30 years of driving and I never knew to <insert ridiculous micromanagement driving comment>."
No speaka da English
I can't hear you in that ear.
Sorry can't talk now. Driving. (repeat it like a robot).

Sometimes while driving...for fun, I'll say

"Hey, what's that over there? " And without looking point out her window while waving my hand in front of her face or just barely catching the underside of her nose with my finger (actually she's taken to doing this back... so good for her).

bogeyd6 · 2015-11-11T16:11:03+00:00

First question, are you a defensive driver, or a tailgating asshole? whats your honest impression of your driving?

assuming it's her issue, mine does on occasion, then immediately apologizes.

I pull over if it gets bad. I've threatened to put her in the back, or take her home. She's causing more harm than she thinks she's helping, and you need to enforce this boundry before you get wrapped around a telephone pole.

Otherwise, you need to learn a lot about driver psychology, because rushing, switching langes, rage, and all the other nonsense makes your trip more dangerous, incurres larger traffic problems, and stresses everyone. theres a great youtube video where a guy shows you how proper driving actually fixes traffic in front of you, amazing stuff.

ex_addict_bro · 2015-11-11T19:21:49+00:00

"OMG, baby, thank you, you just saved my life!"

"Geez, if it was not for you I'd hit that blue car, just look... and that big bus would hit us too..."

"Thanks, mom!"

... and, by the way, there was that ONE time when I almost missed "STOP" sign. Almost, because she told me to stop - I was driving around a town that I don't know but she does, because she's working there. So, PERHAPS, she did saved us both by doing so. So, no, I'll never tell a woman telling me how to drive to fuck off or to get out of the car. I'll have fun AND listen to her while doing so. She might have a point. Having an additional pair of eyes doesn't seem unreasonable.

Also, this is a shit test sometimes, so START PASSING IT.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2015-11-12T06:17:38+00:00

Man when I was a kid, my mom would do this to my dad all the time. Looking back, he was naturally good at agreeing and amplifying. But she still did it to the point it would even piss me off as a kid and I would tell her to knock it off too. When I was older and had girlfriends and they'd inevitably start in on it, I'd look at them like I was about to eat them (I had flashbacks of my mom not shutting up) and just say...'No.' They normally stopped.

My wife however almost died in a car crash years ago and gets panicked/freaked out on highways. I understand to a degree but it drove me nuts and she was making it unsafe by distracting me. I now make her keep sound isolating headphones in her purse and I tell her to stream Netflix or music on her phone if she gets all worked up. Then I crank up the music and chill.

Redneck001 · 2015-11-12T15:59:34+00:00

"Thanks, mom!"

Works every time

2015-11-12T02:00:41+00:00

Women respect and love a man they can't control, that doesn't sound like you (yet..keep working bro). Letting her drive to avoid the freakouts makes you the biggest pussy in pussyville. Let theUC show you what to do here to keep that bitch inline.

This same thing happened to me when I was newly unplugging and I didn't realize I could bat away shit tests instead of nuking them. These days, I completely ignore them as my wife is almost incapable of rocking my frame but I digress.

Anyway, we are driving (me behind wheel) and I like to fiddle with wipers when it drizzles (ADHD, definitely). She is a controlling evil bitch (if one let's her) and she kept telling me to use the setting with the sensor.

"Use the auto wiper, it's better"

"No"

"Really, it's more efficient, you should use it"

"I'm driving, not you"

Five mins pass..

"I told you to use the sensor, it's better"

"Tell me how to operate the car one more time when I'm driving and I'll do a u turn and take you home. Then I'll leave you there for the weekend. Not a word"

Crickets

turbosympathique · 2015-11-11T18:08:29+00:00

My wife WAS like that.

Time get in-touch with your "inner ass-hole" and really lay down the law!

plein_old · 2015-11-11T20:04:17+00:00

Maybe pull over and wait for her to calm down, if it gets bad. Pulling over is not going into her frame. It's maintaining your frame, as the driver whose job is to get people there safely. You don't even have to say very much, just essentially wait until it's safe to go again. Maybe just say one sentence or two, like "I think we're doing fine, but I want to pause a moment until we're ready to go."

Having a fight on the freeway is dangerous to other drivers as well as to yourselves. Women can escalate very suddenly and irrationally when they are upset about something.

For that matter, a man can get dangerous too when he's had all he can take and can't get away and is thinking about crashing as a way to teach someone a lesson...! I've been in a similar situation before...

Quarter_Century_Club · 2015-11-11T20:30:56+00:00

I deal with the same bullshit. Wife constantly warns me against speeding saying I'm going to get a ticket. Hasn't happened in the 10 years we've been together. Then she makes comments, gasps, barks orders, etc from the passenger seat. It's dangerous because I'm dialed in to traffic patterns and making quick decisions and she breaks my concentration by running her mouth.

triclops41 · 2015-11-11T20:57:29+00:00

Is she an anxious person?

Does she actually trust you behind the wheel of the car ??

and of the relationship ?

My wife Hates my driving because it doesn't "look" safe to her. It's funny how that kind of stopped when I started taking care of being the captain of the relationship

Now, she will at most say something like " I didn't think you saw that" or "From here I thought that that car looked too close"

A year or so ago I did have to take her home. Too bad we were going to her parents house.

It got solved when the captain learned how to captain better.

2015-11-11T22:56:10+00:00

Quit driving with her in the car. Period. Let her know in no uncertain terms that she is creating an unsafe situation by distraction and it's safer for both of you if she isn't there.

enfier · 2015-11-12T00:48:58+00:00

She has three options: She can refrain from paying attention to the driving (shutting her eyes if necessary), she can ride in the back or she can drive. If she's riding up front and comments, pull over at the next safe location and put her in the back seat. Calmly sit there and don't move the car until she does it.

triclops41 · 2015-11-12T03:50:44+00:00

Lots of good answers, thanks guys. Will have to digest this to figure out best way to handle it for me.

The_Litz · 2015-11-12T12:04:16+00:00

Years and years ago, even being a beta bitch I just looked at my wife and told her straight to cut it out.

She learned this shit from her mother which is a real backseat driver. So when MIL tries that shit with me my wife tells her to quit it.

Just tell her to shut up. There is nothing hard about it.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-11-13T02:49:25+00:00

sometimes her freak outs are even dangerous.

Why?

I LOVE the counts approach- agree and amplify the driving if necessary.

One solution is to do what Cleveland Brown did in a recent episode- blow out your ears and go deaf temporarily so you can't hear her complaining although that got awkward even for Cleveland.

RedCML · 2015-11-13T11:11:44+00:00

Is her fear based on a past accident, maybe when she was a kid? If she has a trauma induced anxiety while being a passenger, I think a lot of the other suggestions won't help. My advice is that you acknowledge it and suggest that she closes her eyes when she is frightened, instead of her saying something to you.

Don't let her drive just to assuage her anxiety. You should definitely be driving.

assured_destruction · 2015-11-15T05:00:28+00:00

MY wife was horrible about this. Her problem was she wouldn't be paying complete attention and would get suprised by something, then yell out my name ( never what was bothering her ) and stomp on an imaginary brake on her side.

She never once was able to tell me what scared her until it was way too late. So I had to recheck all possible situations to determine she was scared by something I had been watching for a long time.

I did learn to pretty much ignore but verify.

There was no solution, but as she gets older it gets well less bad.

rurpe · 2015-11-11T17:44:10+00:00

"I have this under control"

If she does it again, pull over and tell her to get out of the car.

Title	Freak outs during driving
Author	triclops41
Upvotes	2
Comments	34
Date	November 11, 2015 4:03 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3sf1us/freak_outs_during_driving/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/freak-outs-during-driving.207915 https://theredarchive.com/post/207915

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