Hi all,

So I am probably going to make a puke post, or looking for that dreaded "validation" but in my heart of hearts I just want to vent and get an angle from more experienced people.

The relationship is 3.5 years along, married for 1.5, I am 35 and she is 39. Sex was never great, but I sucked it up and hoped it will get better, benefit of the doubt as work stress and me being in a new country to be with her put stress on her and myself. Beta much? The last year I have been to therapy and have worked to improve myself, since the beginning of the year a rigorous bwf routine with personal trainers, however I have relapsed for a month and will start lifting at the work gym and no fuckarounditis. I dress snappy, have a decent job, 192cm(6'3) and 93kg (205lbs), still getting to optimal weight and definition but by no means a couch potatoe.

The problem is that I am +- a 7 SMV and she is a 4.5, having let go of any decent eating habits or personal hygiene, except where going out to meet friends. Most of the cleaning and chores are done by me or her mum. Any attempt at talking about this results in the hamster wheel spinning so fast it careerns off track, changes for a day and resentment for upping the subject lasts for a week. I have lurked and read NMMNG and MMSLP, rying to not go full rambo but it is very hard to not just say fuck it and bail.

She has told me that my demands for sex or intimacy is unreasonable and that if I want someone that "services me" I can go get a hooker or a hairdresser, as that is not what she is. I try to kino, flirt and be funny, but most of those attempts are rejected in some form or another in varying degrees of pissiness, so that is also getting less and less. I should look sexy and ripped, but she does not. I have been to deadbedrooms, since we have dryspells of months (so far 5 I think is the personal best), mostly starfishing when "it" happens and that is it. I struggle to find my frame, so next on the reading list is WISNIFG, since that seems to be my main problem.

Gym or dieting lasts with her for a month or two and then stops and back to old habits. She says we should be more active and do stuff, but she does not want as bodyimage, no time, feeling crap, etc. She has a job but has scaled that back since it takes so much time and puts loads of stress on her, but now the free time is taken up by other nonsenscial activities.

So my question I think is: When do you stop fighting for it?