been doing a lot of reading, but i have a couple of questions. My girl has been giving me shit the past few days (PMSing) and i know i should have taken it lightly and not been phased by it. me being me, of course, i react.

so when she has problems, whether its work, or something else going on in her personal life, i can empathize very well and not solve her problems (just listening and understanding - thats how women communicate) - i handle it well.. i am her rock in those situations... but the problem is when there is an issue between us. like if i say something that comes across as being a dick or insensitive, if she gets upset or mad about it, she always voices herself and she says i get defensive and i don't validate how shes FEELING in the moment. i guess i always try to prove a point, that i handle things the way i think are right, which might be different to what her views are (essentially arguing logically - i know, its wrong, its a bad habit i need to break).

she often likes to 'correct me' and say... "you know, when i feel like this, you can say something like 'im sorry etc etc etc'". i dont know if shes trying to help me understand her at this point or attempting to turn me into someone im not. usually it makes me more mad and i tell her i don't tell her how i would respond to her illogical sayings, so i expect her to do the same.

it seems after i cool off, the anger phase goes away, i snap back to calm reality, i can express myself and communicate fine in a way that i fog without apologizing, and that usually makes her feel better.. the problem is, i don't know how to handle these situations in the moment, without reacting. ive been trying to teach myself the way for the past 6 months, but i can't seem to grasp how to do it. what am i doing wrong?

read quite a few books we are all familiar with. (NMMNG, WISNIFG, way of the superior man, etc). while i understand the content, i dont think i am applying it well enough into my life. maybe i just really am an insensitive asshole.